The crowded shower

One Sunday (when I lived in Florida) a dear sweet lady in our church, Ms. Prissy, said something to me I will never forget. After hearing the many things that had gone on that morning, just to get 4 kids and myself to church, she chuckled and said "Remember these days Jill, they will fly by so fast and soon you won't be able to remember them being so little...your gunna miss these days".

Though I do not remember specifically the events of that morning, I do remember the general gist of things...I was tired from the kids, frustrated with the kids, agitated at the kids, and had lost my "Sunday voice" while speaking to the kids! And it was only 9:30am. Yes, most definitely I was spent. My response to Ms. Prissy, "I'm just praying your right, that these days do fly by quickly and that I don't remember any of it!"

As I got into the shower this afternoon, (no, we didn't make it to church, big surprise here...the kids are sick) I just wanted to enjoy a few moments to hide behind a shower curtain. While in there, along with Noah and 2 of every living creature... I got thinking about this life of mine. Currently. Today. As it stands right now. Is Ms. Prissy right? Will I miss this?

I mean will I truly miss the need to kick the toys over to the other side of the shower in order to find one small space for my feet? Will I miss the fact that I again have no more shampoo because someone has poured it out while taking their bath...and therefore I am left to use Aveeno body gel on my hair? Or will I miss spending all morning cleaning up yet more mouse poop from under my sink and laundry room...while a trillion questions are asked about "mouse's" and all children wanting to see "mouse's poopie"? Will I ever miss opening up my chapstick and finding some little precious something of a child of mine has taken a bite out of it? And then when I go to use it, the entire thing falls to the floor! I mean, seriously?

Will I miss the 5 spilled bowls of cereal (that had just been poured) this week alone, that Andre insists flipped on its own? Or maybe the number of times I have said "boys please use your inside voices, put your feet on the floor while at the table, no more body slamming, put your clothes in the dirty hamper, this is not funny, and do you think we have a maid that lives here?" Will I miss that? Will I be lonely running alone and wish I had a jogger with a 30+ lb child in it to push? Or how about the stops to run back to get the passy she dropped a few feet back!

Will I find myself missing the hysteria over burping, armpit noises and other bodily sounds that boys seem to come out of the womb knowing how to make? Will I long for washing the car seat cover for the 4,443rd time because "I've got diarrhea coming out...already"? Will I miss having to change poopy diapers on the back of the suburban tailgate while Dakota drills me about the appropriateness of what I'm doing?

Will I miss having my vehicle look like we live in IT, verses the house? I'm wondering also about the toilet. Really? Will I be sad to find that no one urinates on the seat anymore? Will I miss cleaning the floor around the toilets daily and will I want to say yet again,"the hole in the toilet is bigger than your head, this should not be difficult!" Surely not.

Will I miss waking up only to find Ramiro has been up for some time rehanging every ornament on the tree...in rows? Will I ever, ever want to clean toothpaste artwork off the bathroom mirror again? Or maybe scrubbing Madelyn's face again trying to get the ColorStay lipstick off the center of her face (from eyebrows to chin) that she put on 3 days previously, and still looks just as bright as day 1....its good stuff I tell ya!! Will I miss cleaning all that?

Maybe when I've had several years of good sound sleep...maybe then I will miss these days and long for a household again that consists of many small children who need a tremendous amount of guidance...hour after hour, day after day, year after year!

Maybe someday I will miss all this, maybe. Till then, I suppose being exhausted is all part of making family memories. But for today, I just wanted a shower...minus Noah and his crew of "two-sies"!

"army"

One thing my boys have always done is play "army". Fully decked out with whatever camo attire they can find...with no regard to whether it fits (or not), matches or look nice. The purpose is to be army men and to spy on the enemy which has entered their battlefield (aka the yard/woods), and attack if necessary. Over the years, I have been amazed how this game takes on a life of its own and how Dakota manages to train his brothers in appropriate "army" behavior.

The nerf gun here is to be noted...yes, "army" consists of guns that will be used for protection in the event of danger! Also of note, knee pads are extremely important for this troop to wear. They must spend a great deal of time in position on their knees, the fact that they are Elmo skateboard elbow pads is no problem, they work just as well! Often I find that they have rubbed dirt on their faces in order to better disguise themselves, you do know the enemy might detect their light skin and know who they are!!

The boys hide in ditches, trees, and more recently they have built an intricate fort to use as a shelter! They can be found hauling off extra scrap lumber into the woods to use as bridges across the creek (in my front yard) or to give added support to one of their forts!

Dakota of course is commander in chief! If you want to play, you must be willing to take instruction from him and play this his way! There is very little room for compromise and he tolerates only a small amount of disorganization in his army! He calls the shots, when to move and when to attack the enemy...all men in the troop will follow his commands!

This army is well trained, per Dakota's thinking...and therefore they successfully conquer most every battle! This is no bunch of losers here, they are out for the win! They come home exhausted, dirty, wet, stinky, bleeding, clothes torn but proud! They leave the house ready to battle the enemy and they come back hero's!

After they clean up and shower, I get the full run down of the incredible events that took place on the frontlines! The enemy was fierce, their troops were tough and huge...but Dakota and his brothers overcame them all! They persevered and didn't get scared...and as Dakota would tell you, it pays to be fast!!

Stones

The sun rose
a new day began
This one was significant
this one would matter
This day would make all the difference

A woman
caught in sin
brought before the crowd
A crowd that stood ready with their stones
stones of judgement
stones of death

Her sin
per the law
worthy of execution
So the crowd asked,
"Teacher, this woman was caught
in the act of adultery...
the law commands us to stone
such a woman,
what do you say?"

Jesus bent down
took his finger
he began writing in the dirt

The woman
though she stood in the crowd
stood all alone
She must have hung her head
turning it to one side
ashamed
embarrassed
avoiding eye contact
She was afraid
humiliated
guilty

Though she stood
waiting for judgement
I'm sure
she already felt
plenty of that

Can you feel
the lump in her throat?
the sick in her stomach?
the tears that were
about to erupt?
Can you sense that she feared
loosing her composure
while on display?
I can

Time must have felt as if it stopped
every eye burned
every move felt
every murmur
shot like an arrow
through her heart

The questions continued
Jesus stood
saying to the crowd
"If any one of you is without sin,
let him be the first
to throw a stone
at her"

Then again he stooped down
continuing with his finger in the dirt

What was he doing?
Writing?
Drawing?
Unfortunately, we don't know

Yesterday
a thought crossed my mind
and I can't ignore it

Could it be
the very thing
He was etching into the dirt
was a cross?
For He knew
what would come of it

A symbol
Hate at its worst
Love at its best

A cross
meant to kill
meant for darkness
But with Christ
it would become light
That teacher
would give the cross life!

That very moment
that woman
before the crowd
was at her cross

The Bible says
as the crowd heard
what Jesus said-
one at a time
they began to leave

He didn't say
"if you are without THIS sin"
He said
"if you are without sin"
They dropped their stones
turned
and left her alone

I can see her face lift
just slightly
I can feel her heart
begin to rapidly beat again
I know that moment
when a crowd
chooses not to condemn

I've been there with her
that woman
many years ago
No, not the same situation
different circumstances
but I was caught in sin
And so I stood
before a congregation
ashamed
guilty
with a heart heavy
from judgement
With one request
Forgiveness

I know the humiliation
the embarrassment
the shame
I too, hung my head

A wise man said to me
his name, Pastor Ken
"Jill your sin is no different than ours,
we're just able to hide ours, for now"

That moment never erases
never forgotten
And I praise God for it!

I, like this woman
was never hit with a stone
and thankfully
the crowd I stood before
didn't leave

Instead
they stood
to their feet
One by one
they began to clap

It felt like music
a love song that flooded my heart
and held me tight
My behavior
wasn't condoned
but nor
was I being condemned

I was offered a gift
that day
just like this woman
A gift that freed
the captive
A gift that healed
the hurting
Forgiveness
Love at its best

It was an incredible lesson
I'm sure that woman
knows it too
It will change how you look
at the choices of another

And so
my prayer:
may I always choose to leave
the stones on the ground
Leaving the judgement
to the One
without sin!

Father,
I want empty hands
yet a heart
full of forgiveness.