one motley crew

I'm trying to make up for lost time on this blog...so here's some recent pics of the kids.

Madelyn now goes to a moms-morning-out program on Tuesday and Thursdays.

She was so excited to need a "pack-pack" and a "yunchbox".

This pic was from her first morning and I wish she looked more excited, ahem!

These 2 pic's were from the boys first day of school...
Maddie just likes to get in on the action too!
Off they were....Andre in K, Ramiro in 1st grade and Dakota in 7th grade.
(Ramiro's morning meds had not quite hit yet
so he was still off in his own little world,
Lord bless his teacher!)


As I look at these 4 kids I'm reminded of this past baseball season when
Dakota had a mishap with a baseball in the mouth.
As I raced home to drop off the little kids to my Dad and get to the ER
Dakota was quickly getting out of control from the pain and blood.

In moments like those one of the things that happens,
and it warms my heart,
is that the kids become very emotional
from seeing one of them hurting so badly.

By the time I got home, I had all 3 of the little kids squalling as well.
They fight like nobodies business,
don't get me wrong.....
but when push comes to shove,
these kids are tight!

My baby can RUN!!

Football. The south. Enough said.
And my boys are no exception, they love some football.
Except for one thing:

I'm not sure what they are feeding these boys down here,

but this first shot is just to show you what we're dealing with here in size.

So #92 back there....he's 11 (6th grade)!!

And my son, the big strapping brut #16 there in front, Dakota...he's 12 (7th grade).

It's enough to make this mother pace the sidelines,

holler like a wild woman and
be ready to jump the fence at any given moment

if her child is down for more than 2 seconds!

Never the less, Dakota is doing so well!

That's him there with the ball on the left.

And there.

And there.

First down baby!!

Way to run, 1*6*!!

And then, his biggest play of the season so far....

(#75 you'd better not even think about it....)

he's got the ball,

and he's got his work cut out for him,

50 yards away from the end zone....

hurry babe, hurry!

Run Kota, Run!

(about here I began to feel my vocal chords issue a warning:

please stop this abusive screaming! I ignore.)

Faster D, faster!!

Your not done yet, blue/white are all over you babe....

go Kota Man, run your heart out!!

He successfully "juked" those kids there....and was GONE BABY!!

(about here...his mother in the stands is loosing her ever lovin' mind, and her voice!)

TOUCHDOWN DAKOTA!!

Now that is a beautiful sight when your son had the ball!

Dakota was later thankful to find out that I decided NOT to jump the fence

and join in the "body bump" in the end zone. Just sayin'.

It was a close call.

Mom, I'll just sit here with you.

Yesterday evening we had a huge storm. The kind that you can see coming in, asses the look and size of the clouds and gather that its time to secure the patio furniture. Living in the cove, surrounded by mountains, means big wind storms! But the beauty of the mountains from every angle can't be more perfect, and so the wind storms are just par for the course I suppose.

The kids were all doing various things and I had come to a stopping point on my psych research paper outline (yes, the one I've daily complained about on Facebook!). I have been in a terrible funk lately (I'm still wanting to claim a reaction to Cipro for these psychological issues, but that's all I'm going to say about that!) and so as the storm was brewing outside I decided to take a break and go watch. It's a beautiful sight to see and I never want to pass up an opportunity to sit outside and enjoy the show. Plus, I felt something calling me to the back porch, something inviting me to come sit awhile. So I did.

I sat there taking it all in; the warm air, the roar of the wind over the trees, the thunder rolling like the tympani in the back of the orchestra, the sky painted with the darkest hues and the mountains wrapping its arms around it all. The birds were few, they all received the memo. The roads were quiet. And my hair (though now in big clumps of tightly weaved curls) blew freely in the wind. As I rested my head back against my chair the emotions of the past several weeks began to flood my heart. Though I don't have a specific thing that's happened, mentally things are not at peace. Just as the sky above me was covered in heavy dark clouds, so has my heart and soul been overcome by gray. I knew those clouds above and the roar of the thunder has been no stranger to me recently.

Slowly the back door opens and Andre steps out.

"Mom, why are you sitting out here in this?"

"Well, Andre, I just am"

"Well why?", he asked again.

I was battling a flood of tears as I tried to answer him. I lost the battle.

"Babe, Momma needs to watch those dark clouds right there....

.....I just need to see them blow over us and go away"

He seemed confused yet my tears and faint voice were unsettling to him I know. But all he said was "Oh, okay" and quietly went back inside.

I continued to sit there on the deck, knowing that there was incredible truth to what I just said. I wanted my heart to hear it too. I kept watching the clouds, they kept moving and the rain was becoming visible in the distance.

A few minutes later Andre opened the door again and what he did was so precious, hence why I'm sharing all this now. He walks over to another chair, scoots it over next to mine and as he crawls up in it he says, "Mom, I'll just sit here with you". He proceeds to stick his thumb in his mouth as he grabs my hand with his free hand. I melt.

"Andre, your such a good friend"

"I know", he says around the thumb.

And so there we sat, just my "prince charming" and I, watching the storm and not being afraid of the thunder. The rain eventually came and we hung out there as long as we could. Soon we were huddled together (now having moved closer to the door) with a blanket around us like a cocoon, but still watching.

He never said another word. Nor did I. We just quietly watched together.

As I came home this morning from my morning run (8 miles), Andre pops his thumb out of his mouth, gives me a hug and says with a great big smile, "I looked outside, its blue out there. I think the clouds are gone now."

And sure enough, they were.

As I ran this morning, jumping over the occasional tree limb and branch that hadn't faired well in the storm, I saw it too.

Blue sky's once again.

Matter of fact, I've never seen a blue this magnificent!

Extraordinary discoveries from the bathroom floor.

At 5:35 am this morning I jumped up from my bed and instantly had a bad feeling.

What time is it?

It was awfully bright outside therefore I quickly feared that I had overslept and missed my chance to run today! I haven't set an alarm clock in several years because I have an internal one that rings at 5:30 am, sharp (well most every morning!). But as I checked my phone my heart settled a bit...whew...I only overslept by 5 minutes! The run was still safely a go, so off I was. My morning baptism as usual.

As I was running I had one of those great euphoric experiences, you know the one's where you hear the Chariots of Fire anthem playing in the background as you gracefully and effortlessly cross the finish line and are wrapped in the American Flag as you wave to the hundred's of fans who came to watch the race! Face beaming in colors of red as you catch your breath from the 26.2 miles you just blew through and arms full of flowers from those who would love a picture and autograph! I saw the news headlines read "Single Mother of 4, runs first Olympic marathon and wins at 34!" And the news media waiting...

Oh wait, I forgot you're there and reading this.

I'm lost, where was I?

Yes, I was running this morning.

I'm back to the blog now.

So, while running/singing to MJ's "Just Beat It"...I got wondering about hidden talents. You know these prodigies that come out of no where with this incredible voice, skill, or mathematical genius at 50 who works at McDonalds, that leaves us scratching our heads. I found myself wondering if maybe I have a hidden talent or skill. Something that maybe I'm just not aware of yet. Something that's just waiting to be discovered, released and would make the madness in my life all make sense!

Maybe I could win a spelling bee...

"Dyslexic Mother of 4, spelling bee prodigy at 34".

Or maybe

"Deliriously desperate housewife discovers cure for cancer in her kitchen".

(that requires BEING in the kitchen...I quickly scratched that one!)

Or "Female, 5'2", becomes basketball star for WNBA."

Got the idea? The list could go on forever. Maybe we all have some incredible discovery in each of us that's just bustin' at the seams to get out!? Just maybe!

My last headline read,

"Mother of 4, runner, becomes famous ballerina. Performing now at the Kivov Ballet School in St. Petersburg, Russia."

I mean, really...who doesn't secretly wonder about striking this pose?

As I came home, now rockin' to Whitney's newish song "I didn't know my own strength", I felt renewed. Charged by the thought that maybe I was on the brink of discovering something extraordinary about myself.

I hustled the 2 little boys through breakfast, packed their lunches, kissed their cheeks, drove them to summer camp, and hurried back home to the other 2 kids.

As I walked into my bathroom, I threw my hands up for a great big stretch and a deep yawn before heading into the shower. Unfortunately, I lost my balance, tumbled and fell flat to the floor!

Yes, ballerina here landed on the bathroom floor from yawning and stretching at the same time! As I laid there for a minute, checking to see if anyone saw my graceful plunge, I began to laugh! And laugh. And laugh. Soon I was kicking my feet and squealing in hysteria! I began to cry funny tears!

The truth is, though life right now is really hectic, stressful and at times overwhelming....I'm happy! I like where I live, being in school, running and raising a tribe of crazy kids!

Come to think of it, I was on the brink of discovery!

The conclusions:

#1: I have no hidden talents that would require too-too's or leotards!

#2: The bathroom floor needed swiffering 2 weeks ago

#3: I should stick to running

#4: I'm thrilled with a simple headline that reads,

"Mother of 4: finds joy, happiness and balanced life!"

I don't need to be a prodigy. Nothing fancy or out of the norm is necessary for me. It's just good to be happy. To be able to laugh myself silly, even to tears on the bathroom floor and not care an iota about it!

A simple life is a good life...I'm not trading this for being a rock star any time soon!!

P.S.- Something gives me the feeling though that I'm in need of some progress on the "balanced" part of discovery #4! Googling Bosu balls now!!

Just Thankful.

I've got a secret. Lean in close so you can hear. I LOVE LIVING ON A FARM, IN THE COUNTRY!

And one more secret, I'll whisper this one...THIS IS THE BEST PLACE TO RAISE KIDS!

The kids get to see and do things that are priceless. I love that they are able to experience nature, animals, gardens, and dirt! Wide open spaces, mountains and pastures too!

Its been a year now since moving to the farm. I can't believe it, but its true!

Though the transition had it's moments of great sadness, this place has offered each of us a chance to process, regroup and rebuild! There's something magical about the country. Maybe its the slower pace, the excitement of feeding calves, or the freshly grown fruit/veggies from the back yard.

To say this place is a blessing for us is like saying the ocean is a little salty! Or oily, ahem.

We still have things in boxes, the kids rooms aren't really "decorated" yet and most all my walls are still bare...but none of that matters so much anymore. The smiles, the giggles, the kids running in open fields and chasing bunnies is what brings greater joy these days.

Tractors, hay balers and barns are a perfect backdrop for "growing up" little kids...it's really the best kept secret around!

On my run this morning I was reminded of all these things and the beauty of it all. I came home dripping in sweat but with a heart that was full! I'm just so thankful!

(and yes, I do have 4 kids...however I couldn't find one of Dakota that was related, not that this one of Ramiro is either, but who can resist that face!?)

Ramiro

For those of you who know me well, you understand what a day this was for me! Ramiro's kindergarten graduation!

It's hard to find words that fully explain how much I am head over heals in love with all my children. I love them all equally however each of them have a special significance that is different from the others.

Here and here are parts of Ramiro's story. It was rough from the get go...like almost from the moment of conception! But if there's any child who was determined at EVERYTHING, it was him. It pays to be a fighter, in this case!

All along there's been something in my head about Ramiro and Kindergarten...when he was 1 1/2 and things were not going well I got this idea in my head that Kindergarten was a huge benchmark for him/us. I stayed focused on that goal once I was told how far behind he was developmentally.

As I watched him graduate and hold his diploma, I felt incredibly thankful for the many wonderful doctors, therapists and teachers we've had these past several years! At this point, most people would have no idea what it's taken to get this far...Ramiro has no idea how blessed he really is! But I do!

I run because...

I run because

I need to forgive

and forget

because I remember

and need to let go again

I run because

I want to choose

and not react

because I want to understand

not just know

I run because

it focuses my vision

and repairs "near"sightedness

because it empties my head

so I can listen

I run because

my days are numbered

and I want them to count

because some things I run through

and others, I run around

I run because

I know how to train

and finish strong

because I have something to beat

and outrun in this race

I run because

I need the daily baptism, of sorts

and sweat does the body good

because everything seems better

at 6 in the morning

I run because

when the kids are gone

I need a reason to get out of bed

because when they're gone

its the only thing left...

that feels like me.