heart-full

I love watching my children care for each other.

I love the way Andre says,

"Maddie, its your birthday and therefore

you shouldn't have to carry anything today....let me get that for you!"

I love how Dakota tells Maddie how beautiful she is.

I love how the boys (usually) help each other and look out

for one another.

I love how Maddie has 3 brothers who've eached promised her

that she has nothing to worry about at pre-k, cause they will

be there for her if she were to need anything!

They may be a hand-full, but they're also a heart-full!

Reset Run

Last week after kissing each face, hugging each neck, and trying to keep my game face on; they all pulled away. The game face quickly faded and sadness filled my heart like a rushing wave. Thankfully I had several things to do that day and it kept my mind occupied.

But just like trying to distract your child from the shot that's about to hit their skin, eventually the moment comes and the inevitable is felt. When that moment came and the sting hit my heart like a vaccination, I headed out for my reset run. The run in which I transition myself from "Mom on duty" to "Mom off duty". I am always a Mom, but not always in charge.

This time I headed up a route I haven't ran in months....in 4 months to be exact! Not since Sunday, March 6 when I broke my leg while on a 15 mile run. That 15 quickly turned into 10 and couched me for 6 weeks! But I felt ready to run it again and I was looking forward to putting that day 4 months ago, behind me!

This time I ran it with purpose and intention! It was liberating actually! And as I ran up the mountain I was reminded about how wonderful it is to see things come full circle! Breaks will heal. Tears will dry. Kids who have left, will come home. Everything has a season.

At the end of this week, I will run another reset run. This time I must transition my slower pace, my egocentric plans, back to "Mom on duty". And I've got to prepare my heart for 4 children who still struggle to manage the emotions of the switch; going from Dad to Mom. Still trying to process why we can't live in one house, or one state for that matter. It's gut-wrenching to see them at such young ages trying to comprehend adult issues.

But for now, in my the last few days of freedom, I'm enjoying this season and the slower pace. I miss my kids so badly, but I know how things come full circle and I will soon be begging for some peace and quiet! So I'm gunna enjoy it now, while I've got it!

All together

My nest.

My babies,

all represented here in one place.

Look close.

They're ALL there.

Even Baby Jaydan.

It's how my heart sees it as well-

ALL together,

safely nestled,

woven into one.

These are the one's I love the most;

for they've taught me what

love really is.

Madelyn looked at the wall yesterday.

Her comment was perfect,

"I like it when we are all together with Baby Jaydan like that".

I do too baby! I do too!

Watching the fruit

Most days, early in the morning

I can be found in the chair on my front porch

drinking coffee and watching these:

No, they don't change much from day to day

but the lessons in "fruit" will not be lost on me.

Morning after morning I am reminded, as

the Lord gently presses His finger upon my heart,

"though it takes time, watch the fruit".

Fruit won't mislead.
To the degree that there is good fruit, there is health.

We must trust the fruit and we must become students.
We must train our eyes, our hearts, our minds-
to discern the complexities of the tree, the vines, and the fruit.

And the most difficult part of it all-
the evaluation of our own fruit.
Lord, give me the humility to see it as it really is
and the strength to cut off what spoils.

This morning as I sat once again
gazing at the fruit tree,
He gently reminded me
"Jillbaby, boundaries offer protection-
but it won't look great
to those who don't understand."

I layed my head back, took a deep breath, and could taste
the sweetness of pear preserve
in my near future!