Today

October 14, 2002

Went to the OB to find out that things were not going well with the baby that I had been carrying for 4 1/2-5 months. Matter of fact, it was very wrong...the heart had stopped...dead silence. An ultrasound I can still see in my mind a this moment. No movement, a heart with no rhythm. However, a placenta that appeared to still be growing.



October 15, 2002

I had surgery, which officially ended the pregnancy. I remember waking up from the anesthesia (slightly confused)...asking the nurse if the baby was ok. Baby Jaydan had already gone to be with our Lord and while we were grieving...I knew that "all things work out for good, for those who love the Lord"...and even today, while the tears seem to creep over me...I still know this to be true! I have yet to fully understand HIS ways, I trust HIS plan.



For God... this was no mistake, no accident, no surprise. For us, it rocked our world. Shook us up. Broke our hearts.



I thought I would share this picture of Baby Jaydan (when all seemed to be going along well...you can't see it clearly here, but there are little arms and legs...even a face too! ).

It sits next to my bed...I see it most every night, after I have kissed my 4 children in their beds...I know that I still have one more, that is safely wrapped in the arms of God.


Sweet Baby Jaydan...you are precious and you are loved!

You MUST come...

My newest "obsession" is about to make its debut...if you will be around OP this weekend...you MUST come see me!! The craft fair is all day Saturday and Sunday...if you want more info please email me at t_jill@bellsouth.net and I will give you the directions!! I'm super excited...in case you don't know what these are (my husband had no idea)...they are tassels!! They are adorable on a door knob, wall hook, dresser pull, lamp or I even have smaller ones for ceiling fans!! They are too cute and make great gifts too!! Some of these are BIG...like longer than my palm and fingers...I have a variety of styles (some very girly ones too), colors, and sizes!! I have been a tassel making maniac...hope they sell...if not, guess what your getting for Christmas!!?? Hee Hee!! See you there!! ***Oh ya...and I have several different decorated travel wipes cases too!! Too cute!!

Andre is 4!!

My "prince charming" is now 4!! I do not know where the time has gone... but Andre is thrilled and is very excited about birthday cake! So 4 years ago today... it was a day that ran very smoothly...considering the past few attempts (Baby Jaydan and Ramiro) at successful pregnancies and deliveries...this one was perfect. I was induced because my physician was not interested in taking any chances that we could be delivering in the car (hence Ramiro's grand entrance)...so induced I was...and a few hours later, Andre was born!! Dan was thrilled to finally have child that had any resemblance to his Puerto Rican side of the family. Andre was dark...granted he is much lighter now...but he was hairy, dark skinned and full of eye brows!! A Latino had come!! And the "lover" was here!! I will never forget the first night after he was born...he had been crying and we (Andre and I) were both really tired from a hard days work (birthing). I wrapped him tightly with his blanket, snuggled up with him in the hospital bed and he was out like a light! He made some sweet baby noises here and there, but he slept soundly...almost all night!!

It was a wonderful memory and I can still remember being in that bed with him, all snuggled up, just mesmerized by the color of his hair, his skin and how fat he was!

I had previously had very skinny, scrawny babies...it was yummy to have some chunk and cheeks!! Andre has always been the "lover"!! From those early days, even til now...he loves to snuggle and cuddle!! One of the things I love about Andre is his complementary spirit! The child knows how to lift your spirits! Every Sunday and many other days that I might actually get dressed and put makeup on...Andre is always there telling me how nice I look, how pretty my dress is, and that my hair looks "very good"!! Funny enough, since Madelyn was born...he has started doing the same thing to her!! I'm not sure how he has known that this is very important to us girls...but that's why I call him my "prince charming"... the "lover"! He's got flattery down pat!! Many of Andre's early days are only remembered by pictures I have. I honestly can't remember much of that time...lost to exhaustion and struggling with 2 babies only 13 months apart!! One was nursing, the other on a bottle. One who couldn't move, one who never stopped. I do remember one day...wasn't one of my most favorite days however, but I was nursing Andre. Trying to relax to nurse him was a challenge with Ramiro all over the place. I had just gotten settled nursing Andre and had realized that Ramiro had gotten the front door unlocked, opened and was charging across the lawn toward the street!! Ugh...I was not in a position to be running into the road after a loose kid...so I threw a blanket over me and ran like crazy (Andre still nursing). Ramiro decided to fall out in the driveway...meaning he was going to need more attention that what one hand can offer! Poor Andre...all he was wanting was to EAT for heavens sake!! Those were some crazy days! Thank goodness Brody (our 100 lb. Weimaraner) was such a good babysitter!! He kept watch...protecting him from his next biggest brother!! And Dakota...he was a great BIG, BIG brother! You could see him at times get overwhelmed with trying to keep everyone following the rules...as the first born is inherently known for!! But, he was a wonderful help!!




As if things weren't crazy enough, I had just became a Director with Mary Kay! It was a tremendous amount of work and I'm not sure how I managed it all with such little babies! But we did!!











God had a plan though...and I'm extremely thankful for his blessing in Andre!! Andre was a total surprise (Ramiro was 3 months old when I got pregnant...who plans that??) but I'm blessed beyond belief!



Andre was a wonderful breath of fresh air...he was calm, easy going and just happy to "be"!!

He wasn't overly demanding...actually I felt bad many of times b/c I felt that he should be more needy!!




















He was late to talk...Ramiro talked for him. Late to walk...Ramiro did everything for him. Didn't have much of an opinion...Ramiro decided for him!! Get the picture??

Yes, Ramiro was a BIG help...sorta!!

I laugh at this picture of Andre's first birthday...with the chocolate icing...it is funny how different these two boys are!! Actually, I should say...thank goodness they are soooo different!!
Andre is always telling us that he loves us when we leave the house, the first to greet us when we come home. Full of kisses and love.

























I must say though...there is a tough little boy in there too!! I have been amazed at the punches he throws at his brothers...Andre is no push over!! Sometimes we have some trouble with the intensity in which these 3 boys can fight and punch each other!! I carry a helmet for a reason...I'm afraid of getting hurt while trying to jump in a break up the "wrestling"...as they call it!!


Well, Andre...Happy 4th Birthday!! I love you more than I can find words for...I'm thankful and blessed that you are my little boy!! I can't wait to see what God will be doing with your sweet spirit, your endless amounts of love, your ability to vocalize praise and affection to others, and your heart that recognizes the importance of "I love you"!!

"...He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it..."!!

Phil. 1:6

I love you...forever and ever!!

Mom

Almost mature

Yesterday was my big day...my birthday!
Yes, I'm now 29!!
:)

It's exciting to now be 29, you know? Your not 30 yet, you can still safely say, "I'm in my twenty's" and you have another year before those weird and crazy "30 hormones" kick in. Yes, those one's that cause the "thirty something" year old girls to have crazy breakouts!! *ahem*

I'm gunna enjoy this year...being 29 and all. I'm not going to let that big "30" intimidate me. The fear of "it's time to make MATURE, 30 year old decisions"...no, I got time to work on "mature"...I'm still in my 20's!! Maybe now I'm ALMOST MATURE!!

It was a nice day...not too fussy, just did a few things I like to do...you know like take the kids to school, go to Goodwill to plunder around, pick the kids up, homework with Dakota...eat birthday cake and go to bed early (because I had an early run this morning)!! Is this what other people do when they turn 29?? Well, next year...when I turn 30...I'll have a big bash!!

(...it's MY blog...I can be whatever age I WANT to be!!)

Kisses for the soul

Another moment. Another lesson I know He is teaching me.

The other night, I was getting Madelyn ready for bed. She had just gotten out of the shower, yes she takes a shower at 15 mo. old. Actually, its with the boys (little boys). They love to all pile in there together and then we take the shower head (detachable) and hose them down, works out nicely! Herd them in, scrub 'em up, herd them out!! Anyways, back to my point here...Madelyn was smellin' so sweet and wonderful. That's what got me off on the shower tangent. Her hair and skin were so soft and she was in one of those cute cuddly moods. After I got her jammies on, I plopped her down on my bed, gave her the beloved passy and snuggled up with her. She's a kissy little thing and so she usually pulls my head over to hers and I kiss her passy, she laughs and you'll see a grin appear from behind her plug...otherwise known around here as the "mute". This particular night she puts her hand on my face to kiss, I kiss it. Then she gives me the other one, I kiss it. She gives me her foot, I kiss it. And then her other foot, I kiss it too. On to her elbows, I kiss them both. And then her ear, I kiss it. She moves her head so that I can kiss her neck, I kiss it then too. She plops her head back down on the pillow, sighs and pulls her "lovie" (satin blanket) up to her face and grins so peacefully! It was the sweetest thing I think she's ever done (in 15 months of course). She had been covered in kisses, head to toe, and within minutes was fast asleep.


I immediately (like as in I'm still kissing her feet) felt something I've never felt before. As I was giving kisses I saw myself in Madelyn. At that moment, I knew that really it was me...asking God to kiss this hurt, this one too, oh wait...I have one here as well.

God, can you heal this sore? Can you restore this pain, this disappointment, this sadness? Will you please kiss them...making them better, like only you know how to do? Lord, this one here is bleeding...if I give it to you, will you heal it also? Can you restore my sinful choices? The scars that are left, can you use them for good...so they are more than just an ugly scar?? I want to bask in your presence, healed by your touch and know that YOU are covering me from head to toe.

It was a precious moment. For me, with Madelyn. For me, with God. I also needed "kisses". His healing. His comfort. The kind only a Savior can give.

Is anyone with me on this? Surely I'm not alone. I'm hoping that someone can relate so that I don't feel like ya'll are looking at me funny!!

As I was running this morning, still thinking about the "kisses" thing...the song "All I need" by Hillsong was playing on my Ipod. The main phrase is "all I need is You Lord". The very next song was "Nothing but the blood of Jesus"...the phrase..."what can make me whole again, nothing but the blood of Jesus" has captured me yet again today. Only God can heal, He is all I need. He is the answer to it all. Every hurt, pain, decision. Only God can make me whole.

The blood of Jesus is what "kisses" our suffering, but also our sin...His forgiveness is where it begins...healing the pain that accompanies our consequences.

How sweet it is to stay here awhile, basking in Gods goodness!!
Knowing that His kisses are a gift to the believer who surrenders themselves to Him.
He can take on the bumps, bruises, cuts, scrapes and the ones that are bleeding.
And the best part??
He's always ready and willing to cover us...from head to toe!
Let me get into my jammies, for now I can rest.

Kodak moments

Thought I'd do pictures today!
Madelyn's new word...she only has 3... is "HI".
And this is how her face looks for 30 seconds after she's said "HI"...maybe waiting for a response, I don't know! But it is funny!! ahem...never mind the orange outfit and pink socks...we like to be colorful around here!!!


Ramiro and Dakota...let there be war!! Those blue eyes just don't look mean enough!!

Dakota playing basketball...he's in the red shirt and black shorts!

Swoosh city!! He's the littlest one...but he's fast! Yes, he's #3...but the company that printed the shirts had a bad Monday, I think! So everyone yells..."go E"! Funny!!

This is Ramiro's first year playing basketball! Certainly is entertaining! He's the littlest one (again) in the grey shirt and black shorts...oh ya...with the chicken legs!! He's discovered that being under the basket with your hands up gives you the best chance in getting your hands on that ball!! So, that's his position...and he has no intentions to move!!

Madelyn loves her some Andre!! I'm lovin' her piggie tails!!

Don't be frightened Maddie...they're just boys and your just too irresistible!! We know all the squeezing hurts sometimes....sorry!!

Once again!

Ok...lets review...
*Alabama ranked #8
*Georgia ranked #3
*at Georgia Bulldogs home field
*Georgia favored to win
*score? 41-30
*ahem...yes that would be Alabama 41...and Georgia 30!!

As the announcer said last night..."folks what you are seeing is a perfect good ole' fashioned, country butt kickin' "!! I almost couldn't come up for air! Hysterical!!

Georgia Black out?? Wrong...more like left out in the dark!!

Have I ever mentioned that I'm from Alabama and LOVE Alabama football??

Just checking.

Roll Tide Roll!!