Went to the OB to find out that things were not going well with the baby that I had been carrying for 4 1/2-5 months. Matter of fact, it was very wrong...the heart had stopped...dead silence. An ultrasound I can still see in my mind a this moment. No movement, a heart with no rhythm. However, a placenta that appeared to still be growing.
October 15, 2002
I had surgery, which officially ended the pregnancy. I remember waking up from the anesthesia (slightly confused)...asking the nurse if the baby was ok. Baby Jaydan had already gone to be with our Lord and while we were grieving...I knew that "all things work out for good, for those who love the Lord"...and even today, while the tears seem to creep over me...I still know this to be true! I have yet to fully understand HIS ways, I trust HIS plan.
For God... this was no mistake, no accident, no surprise. For us, it rocked our world. Shook us up. Broke our hearts.
I thought I would share this picture of Baby Jaydan (when all seemed to be going along well...you can't see it clearly here, but there are little arms and legs...even a face too! ).
It sits next to my bed...I see it most every night, after I have kissed my 4 children in their beds...I know that I still have one more, that is safely wrapped in the arms of God.
Sweet Baby Jaydan...you are precious and you are loved!
2 comments:
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Okay, so between your beautiful posts and the music I am drawn to tears! I wish you and Dan could work things out. I think deep down the love is there!!!!! I know it is none of my business, but you have such a beautiful family...I love the one of Dan kissing on Andre and Andre's big smile...too sweet. You two should let us babysit while you go watch the movie Fireproof...it was sooooo good.
I love the tassels! Great job. Let me know how the craft show went.
I'll talk to you soon.
Love,
Cathy
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