Another piece of me.

Some things in life are private matters. They are personal and so they need to stay...well, personal.

My walk with the Lord is not one of these "private" matters.

I do not believe that what the Lord is teaching/showing me is something I am called to keep to myself. We are to share our lives with others and to verbalize Gods works in us!

I have come to understand that this also requires transparency. Transparency is tough because it requires accountability.

One thing that I am becoming aware of is when I vocalize (or write) what God is doing and teaching, when I share this with others...there is some level of accountability that is suddenly put into place.

I must be, and do what I say. It is true for all of us...others are watching, making notes of our walk, and our talk.

Scary thought at times.

God knows our need for accountability and transparency...somehow I feel that He has instilled in me the desire to share with you, for my own good!

Was that a lot to digest? It was for me too!

So all this leads me to my run yesterday. It was a wonderful 6 mile day...the weather was cool and it turned out to be a perfect hour.

Here's my thoughts while running:

2008 was not a fun year for me. In January 2008, my world was turned upside down and I spent the entire rest of the year trying to process and recover. I can remember the frustration of wondering why God would allow this to happen to me and why now? But I had to answer the very "un-fun" questions of..."why NOT me? why NOT now?". These are difficult to swallow. It took me a lot of time to get my mind wrapped around these truths.

Yesterday I had a different thought.

Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God".

Up until yesterday, what stood out to me about this verse (which many of us have known since the womb) was the "BE STILL". Being still is just a huge challenge for many of us. A tall order with children, spouses, families, jobs, yard work, household chores, etc. Yet, very important.

I have thought about this verse a lot over the years...always struggling to really feel like I could execute the "be still" part of it. Because I got stuck there at the beginning, I never really got to the next 2 words..."and know".

Then it clicked...2008..."why NOT me?".

What God has done with my 2008 was build a foundation for my "and know". The truth is, we can NOT "be still" if we don't "know". There is no peace in life, no firm foundation without "knowing" God like I do now!

I'm not talking about "being saved", as my church here calls it. I'm not talking about, are you a Christian, or not. Although, these things must happen first...you must start with Christ being in your life!
I am talking about; do you know, that you know this God so personally that it feels like there is no you without Him?

Have we moved beyond our knowledge of God? Because I do not believe that knowledge of God provides us the ability to "be still" either. My suggestion is that only experiencing God does!!

Because of 2008, I know God rescues. I know God redeems. I know God heals. I know God changes hearts. I know Gods plan isn't mine. I know God will allow hearts to be broken, only because He needs to strip away what is not like Him. I know God speaks to me...and can tell you specifically how He does so, regularly. I know God in my life and feel the difference within the deepest part of who I am. I know God is teaching me so that He might use it to work in the lives of others. (as a side note: would you believe me if I told you that after my post titled "tearful sowing", I got an email from a friend saying that God took that post and used to it bring her to Him?? She accepted Christ that very night!! It's true and it gives me chills to remember that I wrote "I share myself here because I feel led to". It was a very humbling experience and I was (tearfully) ecstatic for her!!).

I wish there was a way for you to hear me say "know".

It is a know that means something so much more than "been there and done that"...but maybe something like it! You have experienced it so deeply that there is no turning back, you are forever changed and there is a deep connection with it.

It's kinda like child birth. There's just nothing like it, and until you've experienced that specific type of pain...you can't fully understand it...but then once you have, your perspective is suddenly different because you know what your friend is going through when she's in labor! There's a deeper, more emotional connection to this kind of "know"! I'm finding my walk with the Lord to be much like that. Know what I mean? hee hee, just had to put that in there!! :)

All this to say...I'm beginning to see some purpose, some reason for the trials. I'm rejoicing because I can "Be still and KNOW that I am God" like never before! Yet, I know that there is still so much more to "know" about Him!

Let me share one more thing...haven't quite figured this all out...but also while running yesterday, God impressed upon me that I will see the olive branch. The floods will end and there will be dry ground! The dove has been set free and is returning with good news, dry ground has been found! I'm still pondering this one...God is good!