Busy bee

Oh dear...appologies...I confess, I have been a bad blogger lately!

I have been working on other things...busy getting things done at my house, VBS last week, running, reorganizing (seems like I'm always doing that), etc. Oh, but you should see my office/sewing room now!! Whew- Wee...its nice, organized and mostly pretty too (don't look in the closet!!). I'm getting the sewing bug again!! Don't call me yet...those of you who have projects for me to do. I still have some of my own things that HAVE to get done soon!! But, I'm throwing around some ideas...maybe only doing quilts (made of children's clothes)! Now that Maddie is 1...I have hers to do!! Yippie!! I'm finding with 4 kids...sewing on a time schedule is a problem! Things start to fall apart when I'm under the gun to meet someones deadline! I want to enjoy sewing...not regret it!!

Anyhoo...gotta run...will post fun pictures soon...many "mistreatments" going on in my house these days!! I'll explain later....

She's ONE!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY MADELYN ROSE!

Yes, my baby is now 1!!

Actually, she turned one a few days ago... I've just been too busy to get pictures on here!!

I can't believe it... I've pinched myself a million times! It's really true...she's now one!! Where does time go?? I think this is a sign that I am really getting old!! Only "older people" say that!!

Well, Andre helped me make cupcakes for her birthday! We are actually waiting another week to have family come to really celebrate...but we did do cupcakes for now.

He was very proud to be helping me do this. He kept saying "Mom, Maddie is going to love these"!! Too funny...really I think Andre was thinking HE was going to love these!! He's got a sweet tooth that I really have to watch! He finds candy even when I'm sure I've thrown it all away!!

My children are my life...they are what I "do" everyday. They keep me uptight but laughing! They keep me "on my toes" but give such sweet love! Though all of my children were "surprises"... each one holds a very special, tender place in the deepest part of who I am.

Madelyn was a HUGE surprise! It took me some time to wrap my mind around a 4th child...but I'm blessed beyond words! There is something about a mother/daughter relationship that I just can't find a word for. A word big enough, deep enough and different enough to explain this feeling. I had given up hope for a daughter. Maybe that is where some of the emotion comes from. I'm getting to do the things that I felt left out of before. Things like buying little bracelets and necklaces! Putting hair up in little bows! It thrills my soul! And "thankful" doesn't seem to capture my heart tonight!

I am blessed!

Healing Rain

This afternoon I took advantage of already having a sitter (had to get my hair cut) and went out for a quick 5 mile run. It was over cast so it was one of those days that you want to take advantage of...most days you have to wait until after 7:30 pm unless you want a heat stroke! Running really late like that (I'm usually in bed soon after 8pm) has its issues for me...first, I'm late for bed. I need my sleep! Secondly, it takes awhile before you can get calmed down after all the endorphins hit. I do love a shower at night, but its usually not enough to get me to sleep. I get that burst of energy and have trouble concentrating on "counting sheep"!

Matter of fact, I'd love to be asleep even now!! It's much past my bed time...but I had to get this out or else I know that my mind will be "working this out" into the weee hours of the morning! Hopefully you can stay with me on this...

So this afternoon, about 5 minutes into the run, it started to rain...of course! I'm beginning to wonder if the rain purposely waits until I'm out the door! It was perfect though...no lightening this time! It was one of those soakers that didn't let up! I thought it was cool that I could feel every drop that hit my skin. My shoulders, legs, head, face and even on my eyelashes! I was completely aware of every drop. But since I've been in this many times before (like everyday), I knew what was to come!! I had been running just long enough to sweat! As the rain ran down my face and into my eyes, the burn of the sweat becomes overpowering! And somehow, the more you wipe, the worse it gets! You just can't keep your eyes open through it.

I began to think about the rain just before the burn set in. Sometimes we think of rain in our lives as something that brings great turmoil. Other times the rain seems to be a source of healing. It's cools down the "heat" and it feels soooooo nice! As the burning in my eyes began, I realized that this very rain (which was once so wonderful) was now causing me much pain. Salt in the wound never feels good! This thought became an odd parallel to life: Sometimes, the rain causes the "salt" of our lives to become painfully apparent. I hadn't really paid much attention to my "sweat"...but it became ever so clear when the rain began to fall!

Yes, the Lord is good...it doesn't have to stay that way. The rain continued to fall and eventually the healing began. The burning was gone...the sweat had been "soaked" away. Very cool! I was back to enjoying the rain!

Some time later, about mile 4... things changed. My home was behind me, my church was ahead. (Small towns are nice like that!!) I had been enjoying the rain, still feeling every drop, and not particularly thinking about anything. But suddenly I just began to weep. No the salt had not returned. My heart was breaking instead. Unfortunately, I was at our main intersection (that would be singular) when I began to enter into my "ugly cry". If I was going to see anyone I knew...this would be the place. And I was a mess. I hope you didn't see me. It wasn't pretty.

I continued to run, tears rolling down my face and my heart feeling like a brick. I knew exactly what was going on. I know these tears well, they seem find me often. Maybe they are like rain too. They do bring healing...in a weird sort of way. Unlike the past, I let them fall today. I didn't wipe them away. Just like feeling every rain drop...I let myself feel the stream slide down my face and drop. I could still distinguish them from the rain, these were heavy.

I believe that today, though I know why my heart is broken, these tears were healing rain from my heart. Once again, rain that cools the heat, the hurt. Rain that heals from the inside...out!

As I came home, I was thankful for the lessons of rain... salt...tears.
Thankful for the experience of being "thoroughly soaked"!

A need for speed!

Hadn't planned on blogging today...other things going on. Getting ready for family to come, Madelyn is turning one, etc. I am taking advantage of the deadline of my family being here the first weekend of August to get some of the "someday" home projects done! Things like...well, I'm embarrassed to say, curtains! You know, they go on the walls/windows...yes, I know you all know...however, my kids are asking all kinds of questions about them. "What is that you are putting up there Mom??". I must admit, I had to tell them what curtains were! Nice homemaker I am!!

Anyways, I decided to blog to "de-stress"...maybe this helps huh? I had a temper-attack with my kids this evening...well maybe all day!! The little boys are just out of control these days! I just can't take it anymore. I absolutely can not take them anywhere...they are sooo misbehaving!! Running up and down the aisles at Ace Hardware, pushing the buggy into each other at the grocery store, touching every blessed thing they can get their hands on, tripping each other...after, of course, they have been warned and all privileges taken away...FOR LIFE!! (Andre wanted to know how long "life" was!! *sigh* I was about to show him how short it really is!!). Spanking doesn't seem to change the behavior and dessert/special treat doesn't seem to either!! The issue is (I think, but who am I...I'm the one with misbehaving children) that they are in competition for everything! If Ramiro's sick, Andre wants to be sick. If Andre does something, Ramiro has to "outdo" him. And so the cycle gets bigger and bigger. Any suggestions?? I'm desperate!!

Well tonight, I discovered that my curtains (2 pairs to be exact) that I had made for my living room had been mysteriously cut (like 7 inches worth of jagged cutting) with a pair of scissors!! Jill went "OVER THE EDGE"!! They know better than to cut ANYTHING without talking to me about it first!! It's a household rule here!! I've run a sewing business for some time now out of my house...they know that they can not cut things until given the ok!! The other deal is...who do you punish?? No one would fess up! Ramiro knows who did it...Andre. Andre says he saw Ramiro do it! The truth be told...they were probably both involved somehow!! But I want to know..."who had the scissors in their hand while the fabric was being cut?"!! Nobody knows!! So...you do what you have to do, they both were punished!! huh...I'm still fuming!! I thought this was going to somehow help....

**change of subject for sanity's sake**

The "need for speed" thing...
Last night, I went running. I thought that I would get out there before it started to rain. Not so much luck with that. About 10 minutes into the run (after walking for 5 min. to warm up) the lightening started! More like cymbals crashing in the sky!! I kept going about 5 more minutes...it didn't let up! And the rain was now falling! This rain was the wonderful kind, steady and cooling! The lightening/thunder was not so wonderful, it was down right loud! I decided I had better get home... and do so quickly! So I began to sprint. Yes, I can sprint when I must. This 10 min. miler was kicking out 8 min. miles all the way home!! ( I know so b/c I have the route measured!!) I was bright red, almost gasping for air and very tired when I made it home! I won't mention the names of 2 friends (ahem!!) who passed me by in their cars as I'm trying to dodge lightening bolts! But, if there was any blessing in the run (besides that I wasn't hit by lightening as I passed by the utility company and their huge electrical poles) it was that I got a great speed session in!! There's nothing like running for your life to work on leg turnover times (btw, that's how you run faster!!). I guess it wasn't all in vain!!

Whew...well 9:34pm...its time to lay this tired, worn out, still "fuming about my curtains" thing into bed!! Good night!! I must go pray............

One mans trash...my treasure!

Do you love it?? Isn't it sweet?? I'm wondering if this was someone's New Years resolution that went wrong cause this thing hasn't seen much, if any, use!! Guess where I got it?? Ok...do I really have to tell you...shhh...Goodwill!!

I'm a huge fan of Goodwill's and thrift shops! I never feel guilty when I come home with a bag full of purchases and they were bought at Goodwill! How can you go wrong with a skirt for a couple bucks...like $4?? And sometimes they still have the original tags on them!! The home decor stuff rocks too!!

My motto is if you can buy used, do so! It might keep our land fields from being overloaded if we would just recycle our things! Plus, Dave Ramsey said to do it! When you need to live on a budget, like most of us do...you must recycle these kinds of things!! Buy used and be a better steward of your money!! Ok...this was not about my soap box...back to the jogger!!

So do you want to guess on the price of this fab baby jogger??

Let me just say first, I've had two before...a single and a double one! Both are no longer with us. Material fell apart, front wheel doesn't turn (you have to pull the jogger back on the rear wheels and pivot...problem when you have heavy kids!!), kids feet begin to hit front wheel (dangerous) and the handle bar was too tall for me. My shoulders would ache something awful after using them because I was constantly pushing down on the bar to maneuver the thing!!

Ok...so now that you can appreciate my trouble in the past with joggers...and my husband has to stay with the baby now while I run, let me tell you about this deal!! This one has a front pivoting wheel!! Sweetness!! The front wheel is also under the foot rest, therefore no sudden and unexpected stops when your kids can reach the tire!! Much safer!! The handle bar... ya, even sweeter...waist high!! At 5'2 1/2 inches...that is too sweet!! Oh, also, plenty of cup holders for mother/runner and baby/rider...and a nice storage spot underneath!!

So you wanna guess?? It is in perfect shape...a tiny bit of beach sand, but nothing was even dirty!! Ready for this??

$14.99!!

Yes, dear friends, I love Goodwill!! Can't wait to take it on a test drive!! Now I don't have to do any strength training, I have an additional 30+ lbs to push instead!! Hurray!! :)

The masterpieces!

Here she is...Ms. "walking" Madelyn Rose!! We are working on her elegance...but at least she is getting from point A to point B! Let the fun begin!!

Speaking of fun...the little boys and I (Dakota's in Alabama for 5 weeks with my parents on the farm, bless his spoiled rotten heart!) did an art project yesterday! I know, so "home makerish" of me, I did feel proud!! It's so much fun too, to find paint today in places you were sure they were not!! Ugh!! Anyhoo.. here are their masterpieces!! It's interesting to me to look at them and well, your not supposed to do this but, compare! Andre painted a rainbow...I thought he did a nice job for being 3 ( I did use a scrap paper to draw one out for him...he then made his own on the canvas). Ramiro did his completely by himself, he doesn't need help you know, because he's 4 ! *eye roll* (I did have to salvage his sun...he was getting frustrated/meltdown with the yellow paint being GREEN...wonder who mixed the colors together... ahem, Andre...after all, you can't have a green sun, it wouldn't go with his blue & purple grass..??...) I asked Ramiro what he painted...I didn't have the foggiest idea. He said "Well, here's some grass (on the lower right hand that is green, blue and purple) and then there are 2 flowers, one pink and one red (those would be under the sun, I thought they were candles maybe), and the pink flower is sitting in brown dirt. The red flower has no dirt." I congratulated him on a pretty picture but inside wondering about his painting...is it age appropriate?? At 4 (almost 5) shouldn't his grass, dirt and flowers be more clear??

Curious about the poor red flower that had no dirt in which to survive in and grass that wasn't within reach, I then asked him about that flower, how would it grow without soil and nutrients?? His response, "This red flower doesn't need dirt Mom, only the sun. It's magic. You'll know this when you finish to grow up". (Oh, I'm so sorry for my lack of intelligence...and btw, " finish to grow up" ?? I know I have a long way to go here...but I thought I had them fooled better than this!!)

... speaking of "home makerish"...the buzzer is ringing...my squash casserole is done!! So there...feeling redeemed!!

**update** Guess the jokes on me...feeling redeemed?? Not so much. The kids might be right about my intelligence. Casseroles turn out better if you put ALL the ingredients in it! Take for instance, cream of chicken soup and sour cream. Ugh, details. My squash casserole (made with stuffing) tastes more like cornbread!! Will it help if I add it now?? Just kidding!! I think.

Its official...

I would like to proudly announce that Madelyn Rose is now officially declared... a walker!! Yesterday she was taking about 5-6 good steps...but today honey she is able to walk down the hallway and change directions too!! I decided that this would clearly qualify as "walking"!! She will be 1 on July 21st... ugh, It just breaks my heart to say it! I will post "walking" pictures soon!

...btw...I need to say this being that I find it an act of congress to "do hair"... I did have those pig-tails even and also had both going in their appropriate directions...my husband messed them up when putting on her suit! I'm improving on my "doing hair" skills...now HE needs some training on being careful to NOT MESS UP HER DELICATE HAIR DO!!

Out of the mouth of babes!

This evening I got a sitter to come over and watch the kids while I went running. Judging the weather around here is something the weather man can't even get right. The sky may be black, wind blowing like craziness, lightening and thunder sends the kids into panic...you are prepared for a monsoon...and of course, not a drop! Figures!

Today, I thought I saw a "window of opportunity" and called the sitter to see if she could come sooner than planned! She came, I got ready...and wouldn't you know, I wasn't out the door more than 5 minutes and it starts! 2 flashes of lightening and rain! I considered going home (Mom, the lightening was far, far away!!) but decided to hold out and see if the lightening would end...and thankfully, it did! The rain, on the other hand, didn't! Rain is not a problem for running however...mater of fact, its great! I love it! It's the closest thing to "playing in the rain" that I feel I can do without odd looks from the neighbors! It's interesting though...how many people want to stop and ask you if you need a ride!! Shoot no...I'm out here on purpose!! They might wonder about my mental health...but let them wonder! I'm having fun!

So, on I went...loving every minute!

And then I got home...I walk in the door and Andre (3 yr old) says, "Mom you have wet your pants, and they will NOT let you at school if you keep doing that"! (side note...you might guess that he's hearing that a lot lately...your right!) Being that I left home with dry, straight hair and am now returning with very wet and curly hair (and clothes, which he clearly noticed)...I wondered about how this made any sense!
"Andre, I didn't wet my pants, its raining outside".
He shrugs his shoulders and goes back to playing...or should I say, fighting with his brother!! Big surprise there!

Later this evening, Ramiro (4 yr old) comes running into the kitchen..."Mom, Andre's wet his pants". I go into his bedroom and he has wet through his pants and it is puddling at his feet! I ask him (with my "nice" voice of course) why he has wet his pants...and don't you know what he said, and with a straight face... "I didn't wet my pants Mom, its raining outside"!! I looked at his big green/brown eyes and those sweet little freckles and wanted to be sooo mad at him!
Ramiro immediately starts laughing. I give him the "this is not funny" look...and he says (trying to keep a straight face)..."looks like both of you will be staying home from school next year"!!

Oh, these kids...one minute you want to smack them...the next you can't help but to kiss all over them! Go figure!

The arrow pointing "this way"

"Never quit something when things are tough. Wait until things are good and see if you feel the same way."

Great advice. I came across it in my Sunday School book (hum...there's some good stuff in here...maybe I should look at it once in awhile!). I thought it to be particularly helpful in this time of my life, when most things seem tough and frequently find myself thinking "it shouldn't have to be this hard"!!

Interesting that the lesson then goes on to talk about trusting God in all things. The writer states that he has found that "sometimes it's easier to trust Jesus for the abstract than it is for the practical. Sometimes we will trust God for Heaven but we cannot trust Him with our finances". We find it easier to trust Him with the forgiveness of our sins... and yet struggle to trust Him with our daily decisions! Things that maybe just seem too small for God. With all the things going on in this world...big things like war, crime, abuse, etc...could He really have time for something like "how do I handle this conflict"?? This is where trust comes in. The writer states this: "True guidance does not become real until trust becomes real". I must trust even when I can't see. This is truly the heart of trusting.

As I thought about this yesterday morning...in my own life...this is what I thought: Trust is easy when we can see...when the road is straight, the arrows pointing "this way" are all perfectly marked and the finish is clearly labeled with a bright yellow tape across the road! It couldn't get any clearer...but is that really the reality of all things in life? Not mine. Not all roads are clearly marked, if marked at all... and I'm beginning to realize God wants it that way! How shallow my faith would be if all turns were clearly marked for me to then just follow.

As of lately, it appears that God has gone and quietly turned the arrows pointing "this way" on my road. Not to be sneaky or to make my life hard... but to provide opportunities for growth! My parents would call this "tough love". When the arrow is turned, I have no choice but to seek His will and then to trust that His plan will be right! I know this to be absolutely true...and therefore I am thankful that He loves me enough to do so!

As I have just read over this, ready to click "publish post"...one very important thought has occurred to me... He turned the arrow on my road in its correct, intended position...UP!

I don't know about you... but that is a beautiful image for me. A single road ahead...and at every turn the signs point "up"! But only to serve as a reminder for us. For God wants to be in every moment of life...not just in the times of a direction change! God is good!