Here's the rest of my "God Speaks" blog that I had to cut short the other day. If you are just joining in, you really must go and read the post just before this one...labeled God Speaks #1! You just might be able to follow along better that way!!
2. After all the emotional stuff surfaced and I began to recognize that maybe God was at the root of all the stirred up emotions...I became very aware of my daily experiences. A heightened awareness of God in the little things. I hung on to every word that was said around me and every word I read in books. I began really listening for God while watching the Christian tv station, the songs on the radio (Joy FM), and what I was observing going on around me. I began to hear and see specific messages being communicated that I knew God was sending to me! One book that was instrumental during this time was Beth Moore's book "Get out of that Pit". I started asking God to show up in my daily encounters and oddly, I really began to find God speaking to me through the simplest of songs and while out running. I also began to erase "coincidental" from my vocabulary. God's timing is on purpose! I would be amazed when I got to church and found that the sermon was using the very verse that I had studied all week...its AMAZING, not coincidence!! I thanked Him every time I recognized His hand at work!
3. I became very stingy with my time. I needed time with God and in Bible study. I had to let the phone ring, let the laundry sit another day, not worry about the dishes or the toilets! I had very little time without kids in my face, and I decided I had better get serious about this relationship that I desperately needed! I organized naps and child care around my time with the Lord...I was/am specific about it and must plan it into my day (it somehow doesn't just magically appear!!) As I studied more about the Bible, I noticed how thirsty I was for it. I began to see things I had never seen before, even though I could have recited the entire Bible story to you. I began to see my own life written on the pages, though they happened thousands of years ago. A word or phrase would jump off the page and I couldn't think about anything else! God was speaking when I spent time with Him! He was teaching me and I found clarity in my thinking over things I haven't understood in years! I discovered that I had been missing a huge part of this Christian walk b/c I had not been investing consistent time to being with God and in His Word! It reminds me of a song I learned as a small girl, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". I don't know about you, but I'm here to tell you... I'm in need of a lamp to guide my steps and a bright light to shine unto my path that feels so dark at times!! I'd been missing out on the blessings, big time!!
4. About the same time, as I really began spending time with the Lord, this 4th thing really kicked into gear. I began to realize that my internal voice that spoke from my spirit...was God. I could somewhat call it my "gut instinct" telling me something, maybe my conscious was speaking...sometimes I had just thought I was talking to myself. Sometimes it was only a strong feeling or thought, but for me (I'm a little slow and need CLEAR, sometimes LOUD communication) I at times heard God audibly. I think people kinda freak a tad when people say this. I'm not sure why but if you have ever had this experience...you know for sure that it was a person's voice that you heard so clearly that you turned to see who was there! This has occurred several times...once I almost pulled the car over and called 911 b/c I panicked, I just knew that someone was in my trunk of the suburban. I thought someone was in there and they might have been trying to kidnap me. I needed the police immediately!! I got my wits about me and regained my composure (still trying to hold my breath and quietly look for my cell phone, without moving!!)...would someone who is trying to kidnap me be telling me to "go home and pray with Dan"...uhh...probably not! I was in a time in my life that the Lord knew that I would not get the message if it didn't come very clearly and loudly. God speaks!
5. Lastly, and as a tag from #4...I began to obey! Ugh...the word simply goes against my independent self and makes my knees feel weak (I can feel my mother nodding her head!!)! I must tell you that I would rather do many of things than to obey someone else...I sorta prefer my way. But, I gave in and began to do what I felt God leading me to do...though I must say that I would be shaking in fear! Literally shaking! God was speaking to me through MY obedience! Oddly enough, I saw God working every time! And let me be very honest here...there were times that I sensed (after the fact) that God wasn't really asking me to do something b/c He was changing anything...He was giving me the opportunity to learn to obey! Simple as that...I needed practice (and probably always will!). I wasn't going to bless anyone, I wasn't going to see some big change in a circumstance...but God wanted to know how serious I really was about this! I remember having a moment when driving, in which I said to God "Ok God, game on...I'm gunna do what you say, I'll be quiet and shut my mouth when I know you've told me to say nothing else...however, I need to see your hand here with this mess of mine!". Now, I don't really think God needs ultimatums...I'm just figuring He understood that my rope was long gone and I was starting to unravel! But, He took me up on the deal...He has shown up and I'm still amazed at how He is working in my life! I've seen answers come, clarity in the midst of chaos and I know that God is fulfilling His promises! I must be dilegent to hold up my end of this too!!
I want to end with one added thing...I know this is long...soo sorry! I hope I haven't lost anyone.
There is a very fair question to ask...How do you know if what you are hearing is God or satan...or maybe just yourself? The answer is this: I've had to ask God, "is this you or me?", and I've had to wait sometimes till I was clear on the answer. Put it to the test of the Bible...does it still stand in line with what God says? Also, I have found a nifty thing that helps...If I start "praising Him"...like singing praise songs (CD's are great for this), and thanking Him for what He is doing (even if all I can think of is that I have healthy kids)...the devil will flee! My fear, anxiety, questioning, etc.... all gone! If I'm still left with what I felt before and it can stand up to Biblical truths...I'd felt sure that God was working and giving me direction!
So, this wraps up what I felt lead to share. Again, maybe this is an exercise of obedience on my part but, I pray that maybe this is helpful for someone somewhere. May God do with it what He may, I'll just pray!
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