There is a lesson I think I will forever need to learn and relearn. It just doesn't stick. Maybe there is more than just this one lesson that will be like this, but for now...I know for sure, this is one that I will just have to go back to time and time again!
When there is a "battle" in your life, an upcoming issue you know might be challenging, maybe a short term confrontation or a longer term life change...what do you do? How do you prepare for it? Agonize? Stress? Not eat, or maybe eat alot? Pray for strength, right words, peace? Plan, plan, and plan some more?
Well what about PRAISE? Seems like that is something we should do after we see that God's hand was at work, or is that backwards?
This is the lesson I will have to relearn daily...Praise is the very thing we must do to prepare for a "battle" of whatever sorts! It is the weapon that we need to go into battle with!! However, I've always thought of it as something connected to the "victory" at the end!
2 Chronicles 20 gives us a perfect opportunity to see this at work...and maybe I've shared this before, actually I'm sure I have...but you know, every day is a new day for me!! It's about Jehoshaphat (I'm still trying to figure out what his mother was thinking with that kind of name??) and his battle against a vast army that was coming to take over Judah, where he (Jehoshaphat) was king!
Once he was told that this army was coming against him...he immediately went to the Lord and called the people of Judah to fast and seek help from the Lord. That part seems predictable, and certainly something we would consider fairly high on the "to do" list!
After prayer and some words that God gave Jahaziel to say to Jehoshaphat...the people of Judah and Jerusalem began to "worship before the Lord" and " praised the Lord, the God of Israel, with very loud voice"! The battle had not begun yet, but they were singing and praising God for who He was, is and was about to do! They believed and had faith that their God of Israel would be with them and deliver them from this enemy. And He did!
Something of note here...Jehoshaphat appointed people to "sing to the Lord and to praise Him for the splendor of His holiness" saying "Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever" (song sound familiar?), these people were positioned in the front of the army as they headed to meet their enemy! What a picture that gives me of where PRAISE belongs in our life!! Out front, first thing and with a loud voice!
All the meanwhile, the Lord was stirring things up...the enemy became confused and ended up killing themselves and turning against their own army. When Jehoshaphat's army arrived...the battle was over! Done. Taken care of completely.
They were able to collect the "plunder" or articles of value that were left behind, and it took them days to collect it all! Their arms were full of blessings! It's amazing how God plans to bless us...it is a different thought for me, but it might be through the threat of a battle!
The people assembled there in this valley where they discovered that the Lord, as always, was true to His word...and they once again praised the Lord for His faithfulness! This valley was/is even today called the "Valley of Beracah", which means the "valley of praise"!
As I face the battles, maybe even just the threat of a battle...I know that satan wants to discourage, overwhelm and paralyze me. But, I know that the enemy will flee and run like craziness when he hears God's children singing with a loud voice...praising God for who He is, and what He's about to do! Praise is our weapon to fight the enemy with.
Every time I sing "Give thanks to the Lord, our God and king, His love endures forever...sing praise!"...I have promised myself to think of this "Valley of Beracah" that I'm in today and thank Him for teaching me (and re-teaching me) how to do as Jehoshaphat did! May my praise be first and be heard loudly...for He is good and forever He is faithful...even in the tough "battles" in life!
Showing posts with label From the heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label From the heart. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
God Speaks #2-5
Here's the rest of my "God Speaks" blog that I had to cut short the other day. If you are just joining in, you really must go and read the post just before this one...labeled God Speaks #1! You just might be able to follow along better that way!!
2. After all the emotional stuff surfaced and I began to recognize that maybe God was at the root of all the stirred up emotions...I became very aware of my daily experiences. A heightened awareness of God in the little things. I hung on to every word that was said around me and every word I read in books. I began really listening for God while watching the Christian tv station, the songs on the radio (Joy FM), and what I was observing going on around me. I began to hear and see specific messages being communicated that I knew God was sending to me! One book that was instrumental during this time was Beth Moore's book "Get out of that Pit". I started asking God to show up in my daily encounters and oddly, I really began to find God speaking to me through the simplest of songs and while out running. I also began to erase "coincidental" from my vocabulary. God's timing is on purpose! I would be amazed when I got to church and found that the sermon was using the very verse that I had studied all week...its AMAZING, not coincidence!! I thanked Him every time I recognized His hand at work!
3. I became very stingy with my time. I needed time with God and in Bible study. I had to let the phone ring, let the laundry sit another day, not worry about the dishes or the toilets! I had very little time without kids in my face, and I decided I had better get serious about this relationship that I desperately needed! I organized naps and child care around my time with the Lord...I was/am specific about it and must plan it into my day (it somehow doesn't just magically appear!!) As I studied more about the Bible, I noticed how thirsty I was for it. I began to see things I had never seen before, even though I could have recited the entire Bible story to you. I began to see my own life written on the pages, though they happened thousands of years ago. A word or phrase would jump off the page and I couldn't think about anything else! God was speaking when I spent time with Him! He was teaching me and I found clarity in my thinking over things I haven't understood in years! I discovered that I had been missing a huge part of this Christian walk b/c I had not been investing consistent time to being with God and in His Word! It reminds me of a song I learned as a small girl, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". I don't know about you, but I'm here to tell you... I'm in need of a lamp to guide my steps and a bright light to shine unto my path that feels so dark at times!! I'd been missing out on the blessings, big time!!
4. About the same time, as I really began spending time with the Lord, this 4th thing really kicked into gear. I began to realize that my internal voice that spoke from my spirit...was God. I could somewhat call it my "gut instinct" telling me something, maybe my conscious was speaking...sometimes I had just thought I was talking to myself. Sometimes it was only a strong feeling or thought, but for me (I'm a little slow and need CLEAR, sometimes LOUD communication) I at times heard God audibly. I think people kinda freak a tad when people say this. I'm not sure why but if you have ever had this experience...you know for sure that it was a person's voice that you heard so clearly that you turned to see who was there! This has occurred several times...once I almost pulled the car over and called 911 b/c I panicked, I just knew that someone was in my trunk of the suburban. I thought someone was in there and they might have been trying to kidnap me. I needed the police immediately!! I got my wits about me and regained my composure (still trying to hold my breath and quietly look for my cell phone, without moving!!)...would someone who is trying to kidnap me be telling me to "go home and pray with Dan"...uhh...probably not! I was in a time in my life that the Lord knew that I would not get the message if it didn't come very clearly and loudly. God speaks!
5. Lastly, and as a tag from #4...I began to obey! Ugh...the word simply goes against my independent self and makes my knees feel weak (I can feel my mother nodding her head!!)! I must tell you that I would rather do many of things than to obey someone else...I sorta prefer my way. But, I gave in and began to do what I felt God leading me to do...though I must say that I would be shaking in fear! Literally shaking! God was speaking to me through MY obedience! Oddly enough, I saw God working every time! And let me be very honest here...there were times that I sensed (after the fact) that God wasn't really asking me to do something b/c He was changing anything...He was giving me the opportunity to learn to obey! Simple as that...I needed practice (and probably always will!). I wasn't going to bless anyone, I wasn't going to see some big change in a circumstance...but God wanted to know how serious I really was about this! I remember having a moment when driving, in which I said to God "Ok God, game on...I'm gunna do what you say, I'll be quiet and shut my mouth when I know you've told me to say nothing else...however, I need to see your hand here with this mess of mine!". Now, I don't really think God needs ultimatums...I'm just figuring He understood that my rope was long gone and I was starting to unravel! But, He took me up on the deal...He has shown up and I'm still amazed at how He is working in my life! I've seen answers come, clarity in the midst of chaos and I know that God is fulfilling His promises! I must be dilegent to hold up my end of this too!!
I want to end with one added thing...I know this is long...soo sorry! I hope I haven't lost anyone.
There is a very fair question to ask...How do you know if what you are hearing is God or satan...or maybe just yourself? The answer is this: I've had to ask God, "is this you or me?", and I've had to wait sometimes till I was clear on the answer. Put it to the test of the Bible...does it still stand in line with what God says? Also, I have found a nifty thing that helps...If I start "praising Him"...like singing praise songs (CD's are great for this), and thanking Him for what He is doing (even if all I can think of is that I have healthy kids)...the devil will flee! My fear, anxiety, questioning, etc.... all gone! If I'm still left with what I felt before and it can stand up to Biblical truths...I'd felt sure that God was working and giving me direction!
So, this wraps up what I felt lead to share. Again, maybe this is an exercise of obedience on my part but, I pray that maybe this is helpful for someone somewhere. May God do with it what He may, I'll just pray!
2. After all the emotional stuff surfaced and I began to recognize that maybe God was at the root of all the stirred up emotions...I became very aware of my daily experiences. A heightened awareness of God in the little things. I hung on to every word that was said around me and every word I read in books. I began really listening for God while watching the Christian tv station, the songs on the radio (Joy FM), and what I was observing going on around me. I began to hear and see specific messages being communicated that I knew God was sending to me! One book that was instrumental during this time was Beth Moore's book "Get out of that Pit". I started asking God to show up in my daily encounters and oddly, I really began to find God speaking to me through the simplest of songs and while out running. I also began to erase "coincidental" from my vocabulary. God's timing is on purpose! I would be amazed when I got to church and found that the sermon was using the very verse that I had studied all week...its AMAZING, not coincidence!! I thanked Him every time I recognized His hand at work!
3. I became very stingy with my time. I needed time with God and in Bible study. I had to let the phone ring, let the laundry sit another day, not worry about the dishes or the toilets! I had very little time without kids in my face, and I decided I had better get serious about this relationship that I desperately needed! I organized naps and child care around my time with the Lord...I was/am specific about it and must plan it into my day (it somehow doesn't just magically appear!!) As I studied more about the Bible, I noticed how thirsty I was for it. I began to see things I had never seen before, even though I could have recited the entire Bible story to you. I began to see my own life written on the pages, though they happened thousands of years ago. A word or phrase would jump off the page and I couldn't think about anything else! God was speaking when I spent time with Him! He was teaching me and I found clarity in my thinking over things I haven't understood in years! I discovered that I had been missing a huge part of this Christian walk b/c I had not been investing consistent time to being with God and in His Word! It reminds me of a song I learned as a small girl, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". I don't know about you, but I'm here to tell you... I'm in need of a lamp to guide my steps and a bright light to shine unto my path that feels so dark at times!! I'd been missing out on the blessings, big time!!
4. About the same time, as I really began spending time with the Lord, this 4th thing really kicked into gear. I began to realize that my internal voice that spoke from my spirit...was God. I could somewhat call it my "gut instinct" telling me something, maybe my conscious was speaking...sometimes I had just thought I was talking to myself. Sometimes it was only a strong feeling or thought, but for me (I'm a little slow and need CLEAR, sometimes LOUD communication) I at times heard God audibly. I think people kinda freak a tad when people say this. I'm not sure why but if you have ever had this experience...you know for sure that it was a person's voice that you heard so clearly that you turned to see who was there! This has occurred several times...once I almost pulled the car over and called 911 b/c I panicked, I just knew that someone was in my trunk of the suburban. I thought someone was in there and they might have been trying to kidnap me. I needed the police immediately!! I got my wits about me and regained my composure (still trying to hold my breath and quietly look for my cell phone, without moving!!)...would someone who is trying to kidnap me be telling me to "go home and pray with Dan"...uhh...probably not! I was in a time in my life that the Lord knew that I would not get the message if it didn't come very clearly and loudly. God speaks!
5. Lastly, and as a tag from #4...I began to obey! Ugh...the word simply goes against my independent self and makes my knees feel weak (I can feel my mother nodding her head!!)! I must tell you that I would rather do many of things than to obey someone else...I sorta prefer my way. But, I gave in and began to do what I felt God leading me to do...though I must say that I would be shaking in fear! Literally shaking! God was speaking to me through MY obedience! Oddly enough, I saw God working every time! And let me be very honest here...there were times that I sensed (after the fact) that God wasn't really asking me to do something b/c He was changing anything...He was giving me the opportunity to learn to obey! Simple as that...I needed practice (and probably always will!). I wasn't going to bless anyone, I wasn't going to see some big change in a circumstance...but God wanted to know how serious I really was about this! I remember having a moment when driving, in which I said to God "Ok God, game on...I'm gunna do what you say, I'll be quiet and shut my mouth when I know you've told me to say nothing else...however, I need to see your hand here with this mess of mine!". Now, I don't really think God needs ultimatums...I'm just figuring He understood that my rope was long gone and I was starting to unravel! But, He took me up on the deal...He has shown up and I'm still amazed at how He is working in my life! I've seen answers come, clarity in the midst of chaos and I know that God is fulfilling His promises! I must be dilegent to hold up my end of this too!!
I want to end with one added thing...I know this is long...soo sorry! I hope I haven't lost anyone.
There is a very fair question to ask...How do you know if what you are hearing is God or satan...or maybe just yourself? The answer is this: I've had to ask God, "is this you or me?", and I've had to wait sometimes till I was clear on the answer. Put it to the test of the Bible...does it still stand in line with what God says? Also, I have found a nifty thing that helps...If I start "praising Him"...like singing praise songs (CD's are great for this), and thanking Him for what He is doing (even if all I can think of is that I have healthy kids)...the devil will flee! My fear, anxiety, questioning, etc.... all gone! If I'm still left with what I felt before and it can stand up to Biblical truths...I'd felt sure that God was working and giving me direction!
So, this wraps up what I felt lead to share. Again, maybe this is an exercise of obedience on my part but, I pray that maybe this is helpful for someone somewhere. May God do with it what He may, I'll just pray!
Friday, February 20, 2009
God Speaks #1
The pic has absolutely nothing to do with the post...I'd just hate to have a long post with no pictures however!! :)This is Madelyn snuggling with Dakota...as my sister says, "oh break my heart!!".
As I had promised a week or more ago...I have compiled a list of things that I have learned about how God was trying to get my attention and what He was doing in order to speak to me. (and still is!) I'm very convinced that God will speak to every believer. This is just not an added perk to being a pastor, Christian author or deacon...its for all of us! God wants to speak to us, He wants us to hear also! We can learn to train our ears and hearts, I know this for sure!
First, I want to add a small disclaimer here...I am by no means saying that this is how God must always speak, or that there are not other ways God uses to call us to Him. God is just that...God. He can and does do whatever He sees fit. This is just what I have come to understand recently, just my experience...but I do know that you will find others who will have very similar experiences!
I also must communicate that I am "learning"...meaning that I haven't gotten this all figured out yet! I'm only offering what I have more recently learned and how God is speaking into my life at this current time. I am still trying to put pieces of this puzzle together, still trying to wrap my mind around some difficult experiences when I feel as if God wasn't so clear. Still trying to find a place for some questions concerning "WHY?". The difference from questions now versus several years ago...I'm not alone. I have a Father that is bigger than any question and can take the heat!
I love Beth Moore's statement: "I may be a drama queen, but thank God, I have a drama KING!".
With that said, here goes.
I have pin pointed 5 things that were huge for me in this process. I will list them for you in somewhat of a chronological order. Meaning that this is the order in which I began to have a change in my thinking. When I started to notice that something was up...
1) God used emotions and physical means to get my attention.
Tears, racing heart rate, anxiety, nausea, insomnia, etc.
This was the first revelation that I had...and it was huge for me. I have always been a tender hearted person, crying when anyone cried in my presence (even if they weren't talking to me directly...if I saw them very emotionally distraught, I cried!). But something changed when I began to notice that my tears where unexplainable. When I would start crying during a song, during a sermon, while listening to an interview on the radio, tv...anything. There was no apparent reason for the tears, but they would come with such force that I couldn't hide from them! I found myself working very hard to think about something else, trying to suppress the flood that was surfacing. I began avoid certain things. Things that seemed to trigger the rise in heart rate and then lead to never ending tears. I eventually ended up very medicated on Zoloft! Trying to numb the alarm that was going off, Zoloft did give me some relief. But then it took more, and more. My physicians said that stress and hormones were probably to blame. Please know that I understand that hormones can get really whacked out enough to need Zoloft for the right reasons. I had previously needed them during one of my pregnancies that sent my hormones into fits. They were helpful and I soon got off them when things seemed to settle down after the baby was born. There are times when medication is truly a blessing and a much needed tool to control some imbalances. I, however, more recently was using them to avoid something, even though I wouldn't have been able to vocalize that at the time. It was too deep and I couldn't see clearly what was actually taking place.
I see now that God was turning up the intensity of the alarm that I was desperately trying to silence! There was a clear avoidance mode that I was in. Looking back, I know that God was stirring things up inside me...ringing my alarm, if you will...because there were some things that He wanted to deal with me about! He wanted to help me sort through some baggage. He wanted my attention and He was gunna get it one way or another.
Now that I have come to understand this about my God...I am very careful to notice how things feel. When I feel uncomfortable. When my heart races and I can't sleep! When a reaccuring thought surfaces or tears begin to find their way out. I now sense that my Father is knocking/ringing the doorbell, and instead of running from the door, instead of running in fear of the emotions...I'm learning to go toward the knock. Opening up what might need some tending to. The sweet thing here is that the Lord was standing there (wondering what took me sooo long) wanting to walk me through this experience!
Actually, in times when I am doing something really uncomfortable...but knowing God is asking me to be there anyways...the racing heart is a relief. For I know that my God is living inside me and I often see (in my mind) Him holding my heart in His hands. I know He controls the beating of every heartbeat.
For timing sake...let me end this here. I will come back another day (soon) with the others.
The others are not as in depth...but I don't want to loose you and I have got to get off this computer!
I pray that you would ponder this in your own life...could it be that God is using your emotions or other physical reactions to get your attention? Is your alarm going off?
I found it much easier (and healing) to deal with the alarm than to work feverishly at silencing it!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Momma, are you going to win?
Notice my shirt...it says "run like a mother"! Couldn't resist it! It became mine!A few days before the marathon, I had started this post. I never got back to finishing it until now...and maybe it was better this way. Here is what I had started:
Many times during this year, as the boys have asked questions about this race, I have had moments when I would just giggle and try to store the memory in my mind. The usual question is "Momma, are you going to win?". That really is humorous. They have no concept of the number of people who run these things and that many are professional athletes. The innocence in all of their questions are precious. Then they would go on to "well will you be second?".
The other day Ramiro asked me this question that has managed to penetrated my thoughts as I have frantically tried to manage the events of this week. It has been a reoccurring thought that sits in the front row of my mind with its hand up high, needing attention!!
The question was this, "Mom, who are you trying to beat?".
I'm not really sure what brought this question on...my suspicion is that it's just who Ramiro is. Most everything in his life, at the present time, is about being first and beating everyone at everything! He needs to be first to get breakfast, first out the door, first in the door, first in the shower, etc. Got the point? Competition at its best!
Never the less, I began to ponder this question that was asked with such innocence...but ever so important to define. The truth is, there is something to beat. The "26.2 with Donna" race is really a means in which to fight breast cancer...to raise money for research and to support local families while in treatment. But as anyone who has raced before knows...we are all in this for our own race too. Each of us who will run on Sunday has our own race to run, our own fight to fight and "thing" we need to beat. I will go to the start line Sunday morning, ready to run my own race and with the thought that the thing to fear is really fear itself! That's what I must beat! I just need to know that I can do this.
Now that the race is over...I wanted to share a sweet moment with Ramiro as I put him into bed the other day. First I've got to say that when I walked in the door the afternoon of the marathon...I was greeted by Andre and Ramiro, who were very excited for me and full of hugs and kisses. Ramiro immediately noticed my metal around my neck and jumped up in the air with one fist over his head and said "Yeah Momma, you winned!!". Not correct grammar, but the words couldn't have been more perfect and of course pulled at my emotions like nothing else!
This brings me to bed time. I was giving him hugs and kisses, wrapping him up with his "lovie" and then he paused for a second and said "Mom, you winned, right?". I immediately thought of his previous questions of who I was trying to beat. I had snap shots that raced through my mind of the 26 mile journey, the year of training and the 4+ hours of running that had put my body into complete exhaustion. I rubbed his hair and face as his big blue eyes waited for my response.
I bent down to kiss his face and said "yes, baby, Momma winned her race".
He responded, "I'm glad".
Hardly able to control my emotions, I quietly whispered back, "me too".
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Another piece of me.
Some things in life are private matters. They are personal and so they need to stay...well, personal.
My walk with the Lord is not one of these "private" matters.
I do not believe that what the Lord is teaching/showing me is something I am called to keep to myself. We are to share our lives with others and to verbalize Gods works in us!
I have come to understand that this also requires transparency. Transparency is tough because it requires accountability.
One thing that I am becoming aware of is when I vocalize (or write) what God is doing and teaching, when I share this with others...there is some level of accountability that is suddenly put into place.
I must be, and do what I say. It is true for all of us...others are watching, making notes of our walk, and our talk.
Scary thought at times.
God knows our need for accountability and transparency...somehow I feel that He has instilled in me the desire to share with you, for my own good!
Was that a lot to digest? It was for me too!
So all this leads me to my run yesterday. It was a wonderful 6 mile day...the weather was cool and it turned out to be a perfect hour.
Here's my thoughts while running:
2008 was not a fun year for me. In January 2008, my world was turned upside down and I spent the entire rest of the year trying to process and recover. I can remember the frustration of wondering why God would allow this to happen to me and why now? But I had to answer the very "un-fun" questions of..."why NOT me? why NOT now?". These are difficult to swallow. It took me a lot of time to get my mind wrapped around these truths.
Yesterday I had a different thought.
Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God".
Up until yesterday, what stood out to me about this verse (which many of us have known since the womb) was the "BE STILL". Being still is just a huge challenge for many of us. A tall order with children, spouses, families, jobs, yard work, household chores, etc. Yet, very important.
I have thought about this verse a lot over the years...always struggling to really feel like I could execute the "be still" part of it. Because I got stuck there at the beginning, I never really got to the next 2 words..."and know".
Then it clicked...2008..."why NOT me?".
What God has done with my 2008 was build a foundation for my "and know". The truth is, we can NOT "be still" if we don't "know". There is no peace in life, no firm foundation without "knowing" God like I do now!
I'm not talking about "being saved", as my church here calls it. I'm not talking about, are you a Christian, or not. Although, these things must happen first...you must start with Christ being in your life!
I am talking about; do you know, that you know this God so personally that it feels like there is no you without Him?
Have we moved beyond our knowledge of God? Because I do not believe that knowledge of God provides us the ability to "be still" either. My suggestion is that only experiencing God does!!
Because of 2008, I know God rescues. I know God redeems. I know God heals. I know God changes hearts. I know Gods plan isn't mine. I know God will allow hearts to be broken, only because He needs to strip away what is not like Him. I know God speaks to me...and can tell you specifically how He does so, regularly. I know God in my life and feel the difference within the deepest part of who I am. I know God is teaching me so that He might use it to work in the lives of others. (as a side note: would you believe me if I told you that after my post titled "tearful sowing", I got an email from a friend saying that God took that post and used to it bring her to Him?? She accepted Christ that very night!! It's true and it gives me chills to remember that I wrote "I share myself here because I feel led to". It was a very humbling experience and I was (tearfully) ecstatic for her!!).
I wish there was a way for you to hear me say "know".
It is a know that means something so much more than "been there and done that"...but maybe something like it! You have experienced it so deeply that there is no turning back, you are forever changed and there is a deep connection with it.
It's kinda like child birth. There's just nothing like it, and until you've experienced that specific type of pain...you can't fully understand it...but then once you have, your perspective is suddenly different because you know what your friend is going through when she's in labor! There's a deeper, more emotional connection to this kind of "know"! I'm finding my walk with the Lord to be much like that. Know what I mean? hee hee, just had to put that in there!! :)
All this to say...I'm beginning to see some purpose, some reason for the trials. I'm rejoicing because I can "Be still and KNOW that I am God" like never before! Yet, I know that there is still so much more to "know" about Him!
Let me share one more thing...haven't quite figured this all out...but also while running yesterday, God impressed upon me that I will see the olive branch. The floods will end and there will be dry ground! The dove has been set free and is returning with good news, dry ground has been found! I'm still pondering this one...God is good!
My walk with the Lord is not one of these "private" matters.
I do not believe that what the Lord is teaching/showing me is something I am called to keep to myself. We are to share our lives with others and to verbalize Gods works in us!
I have come to understand that this also requires transparency. Transparency is tough because it requires accountability.
One thing that I am becoming aware of is when I vocalize (or write) what God is doing and teaching, when I share this with others...there is some level of accountability that is suddenly put into place.
I must be, and do what I say. It is true for all of us...others are watching, making notes of our walk, and our talk.
Scary thought at times.
God knows our need for accountability and transparency...somehow I feel that He has instilled in me the desire to share with you, for my own good!
Was that a lot to digest? It was for me too!
So all this leads me to my run yesterday. It was a wonderful 6 mile day...the weather was cool and it turned out to be a perfect hour.
Here's my thoughts while running:
2008 was not a fun year for me. In January 2008, my world was turned upside down and I spent the entire rest of the year trying to process and recover. I can remember the frustration of wondering why God would allow this to happen to me and why now? But I had to answer the very "un-fun" questions of..."why NOT me? why NOT now?". These are difficult to swallow. It took me a lot of time to get my mind wrapped around these truths.
Yesterday I had a different thought.
Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God".
Up until yesterday, what stood out to me about this verse (which many of us have known since the womb) was the "BE STILL". Being still is just a huge challenge for many of us. A tall order with children, spouses, families, jobs, yard work, household chores, etc. Yet, very important.
I have thought about this verse a lot over the years...always struggling to really feel like I could execute the "be still" part of it. Because I got stuck there at the beginning, I never really got to the next 2 words..."and know".
Then it clicked...2008..."why NOT me?".
What God has done with my 2008 was build a foundation for my "and know". The truth is, we can NOT "be still" if we don't "know". There is no peace in life, no firm foundation without "knowing" God like I do now!
I'm not talking about "being saved", as my church here calls it. I'm not talking about, are you a Christian, or not. Although, these things must happen first...you must start with Christ being in your life!
I am talking about; do you know, that you know this God so personally that it feels like there is no you without Him?
Have we moved beyond our knowledge of God? Because I do not believe that knowledge of God provides us the ability to "be still" either. My suggestion is that only experiencing God does!!
Because of 2008, I know God rescues. I know God redeems. I know God heals. I know God changes hearts. I know Gods plan isn't mine. I know God will allow hearts to be broken, only because He needs to strip away what is not like Him. I know God speaks to me...and can tell you specifically how He does so, regularly. I know God in my life and feel the difference within the deepest part of who I am. I know God is teaching me so that He might use it to work in the lives of others. (as a side note: would you believe me if I told you that after my post titled "tearful sowing", I got an email from a friend saying that God took that post and used to it bring her to Him?? She accepted Christ that very night!! It's true and it gives me chills to remember that I wrote "I share myself here because I feel led to". It was a very humbling experience and I was (tearfully) ecstatic for her!!).
I wish there was a way for you to hear me say "know".
It is a know that means something so much more than "been there and done that"...but maybe something like it! You have experienced it so deeply that there is no turning back, you are forever changed and there is a deep connection with it.
It's kinda like child birth. There's just nothing like it, and until you've experienced that specific type of pain...you can't fully understand it...but then once you have, your perspective is suddenly different because you know what your friend is going through when she's in labor! There's a deeper, more emotional connection to this kind of "know"! I'm finding my walk with the Lord to be much like that. Know what I mean? hee hee, just had to put that in there!! :)
All this to say...I'm beginning to see some purpose, some reason for the trials. I'm rejoicing because I can "Be still and KNOW that I am God" like never before! Yet, I know that there is still so much more to "know" about Him!
Let me share one more thing...haven't quite figured this all out...but also while running yesterday, God impressed upon me that I will see the olive branch. The floods will end and there will be dry ground! The dove has been set free and is returning with good news, dry ground has been found! I'm still pondering this one...God is good!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tearful sowing
Sorry to those who like more kid pictures...I have none.
But for me who needs to process...maybe who needs to voice what is coming into focus, here is the place. I share myself here only because I need to, I feel led to, and I want to give my children insight into things that I might not remember to tell them one day. A place that they can someday see more deeply how the Lord has changed my life and theirs. How perfectly He has walked us through the deepest of waters, but yet by His hand, there was dry ground to travel on. My story is also theirs, so I tread carefully with few details of life...but I want to share the Lords lessons. How He uses The Word to change me, to direct and focus my eyes.
In Psalms 126:5-6 it says:
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
I can't say that these verses would have stood out to me had I not had my handy-dandy Bible commentary that I absolutely love (have I said that before?? everyone needs one!!). But after reading the commentary...it became crystal clear and I see myself in every word.
The picture is this:
The Jewish people who had been exiled from Israel were allowed back into their home land. They had few valuables and the land there was barren. No growth, no quick means in which to live off the land. So the first years would be challenging...it would take time to cultivate the land and a season of waiting as the harvest needed time to grow. (clearly no Walmart in sight!!)
The verse is painting the picture of the harvester. The farmer who is sowing his seeds. There is a choice in his situation...he can choose to eat all the grain now, or eat a small amount and sow the rest to insure an abundant harvest later. Can you see this man, maybe the woman even...out in the barren field, with only an "apron full" of grain to their name? Can you imagine the tears that must have run down their faces as they dropped each piece of grain through their fingertips into the ground, realizing this is food that will not be on the table today...their kids will still be hungry and their tummies might growl in hunger tonight? None of us want to take things away from our children, to see them suffer. The choice is tough...but clear. The farmer knows that the seeds will grow and the harvest will be needed for food later. There is a "death" of sorts in this, maybe some grieving involved...the painful sacrifice today for the sake of the future.
I can just picture in my mind the farmer out there alone, walking row by row...face wet from the tears but a heart obedient in faith as he prays "Lord, bless this sacrifice. I do so in faith that You will provide". I can feel the heavy heart of the farmer as the last piece is dropped. I can see the apron empty but heavily soaked from emotion.
This picture burns inside me, makes me wonder about my own apron.
No surprise here...my apron is soaked.
But there's a tough question to be asked: are we eating our seeds, or sowing them?
Which am I?
You?
My new challenge this year is for Bible memorizing. There is Power in this book, and I need it today and for tomorrow. I'm choosing to think of this as one way to "sow my seeds".
For me in general, its tearful sowing time, life is hard right now...but I hold on to the truth that tearful sowing will yield songs of joy!!
I'm preparing myself for the sheaves...the blessings that are too many to count. For I will sing songs of joy!
My verses for the month:
**Isaiah 58:11**
"I will guide you always. I will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land. I will strengthen your frame."
**Psalms 130:7
"O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."
But for me who needs to process...maybe who needs to voice what is coming into focus, here is the place. I share myself here only because I need to, I feel led to, and I want to give my children insight into things that I might not remember to tell them one day. A place that they can someday see more deeply how the Lord has changed my life and theirs. How perfectly He has walked us through the deepest of waters, but yet by His hand, there was dry ground to travel on. My story is also theirs, so I tread carefully with few details of life...but I want to share the Lords lessons. How He uses The Word to change me, to direct and focus my eyes.
In Psalms 126:5-6 it says:
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
I can't say that these verses would have stood out to me had I not had my handy-dandy Bible commentary that I absolutely love (have I said that before?? everyone needs one!!). But after reading the commentary...it became crystal clear and I see myself in every word.
The picture is this:
The Jewish people who had been exiled from Israel were allowed back into their home land. They had few valuables and the land there was barren. No growth, no quick means in which to live off the land. So the first years would be challenging...it would take time to cultivate the land and a season of waiting as the harvest needed time to grow. (clearly no Walmart in sight!!)
The verse is painting the picture of the harvester. The farmer who is sowing his seeds. There is a choice in his situation...he can choose to eat all the grain now, or eat a small amount and sow the rest to insure an abundant harvest later. Can you see this man, maybe the woman even...out in the barren field, with only an "apron full" of grain to their name? Can you imagine the tears that must have run down their faces as they dropped each piece of grain through their fingertips into the ground, realizing this is food that will not be on the table today...their kids will still be hungry and their tummies might growl in hunger tonight? None of us want to take things away from our children, to see them suffer. The choice is tough...but clear. The farmer knows that the seeds will grow and the harvest will be needed for food later. There is a "death" of sorts in this, maybe some grieving involved...the painful sacrifice today for the sake of the future.
I can just picture in my mind the farmer out there alone, walking row by row...face wet from the tears but a heart obedient in faith as he prays "Lord, bless this sacrifice. I do so in faith that You will provide". I can feel the heavy heart of the farmer as the last piece is dropped. I can see the apron empty but heavily soaked from emotion.
This picture burns inside me, makes me wonder about my own apron.
No surprise here...my apron is soaked.
But there's a tough question to be asked: are we eating our seeds, or sowing them?
Which am I?
You?
My new challenge this year is for Bible memorizing. There is Power in this book, and I need it today and for tomorrow. I'm choosing to think of this as one way to "sow my seeds".
For me in general, its tearful sowing time, life is hard right now...but I hold on to the truth that tearful sowing will yield songs of joy!!
I'm preparing myself for the sheaves...the blessings that are too many to count. For I will sing songs of joy!
My verses for the month:
**Isaiah 58:11**
"I will guide you always. I will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land. I will strengthen your frame."
**Psalms 130:7
"O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The run of familiarity
Yesterday I did my 7 mile run (per my training schedule for the upcoming marathon). Before I left the house I had a route planned out...I was going to travel for 4 miles down a new path in town and then come back. Clearly that would put me over 7 miles, but hey who's counting? I thought that even though this part of the trail was newer and parts of it I had been on once or twice before, I hadn't been on the newest extended part and figured it would be interesting to see about it. Whew, did that make sense?
I strapped on my shoes and knee braces, got my ipod situated, grabbed my sunglasses and was out the door. I pushed "play" and was on my way, ready to simply put one foot in front of the other. I guess I also "checked out" for a few. About 7 minutes later I realized I had taken a wrong turn from what I had originally planned for the day. I had taken a left, heading straight toward my normal 3 mile loop that I run twice a week! Once I realized that there were a few minutes there that I don't remember, I started to worry about the 7 mile thing...why would I have gone this way, how am I gunna get 7 miles out of this 3 mile loop?
It wasn't long until this blog came to mind...this post specifically. To be more specific...the title. I realized that more than a new trail, the interest of seeing new things and being somewhere different...what I really needed was familiarity. At this time in my life, everything is new. I'm experiencing things I never knew about, thought about or felt. I'm nervous. I'm emotional. I'm struggling to just keep things predictable. Some runs are incredibly fun because they are a new adventure and the scenery is fresh. On Saturday, I needed familiar. I needed the predictability of the ground, the sounds, the sights. I would know exactly how far I had gone, and how much farther I needed to go. I know each mile and can almost run it in my sleep! Nothing new. Nothing different to experience. I've had enough of that for the week.
As I ran along my familiar path, everything was as it had been the day before, the week before and how it was last year. Same trees, same houses, same people walking the roads. It was a relief really. The run of familiarity was perfect.
Of course, it reminded me of the wonderful love of the Lord. His heart that never changes. His love that doesn't give up and His promises that He always delivers on! Oh how I love the pedictablility of that. He can be counted on because He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow!
Oh and another thing...one other thing that can be counted on...my kids will not always be thrilled with this...matching Christmas jammies! But while they are...I'm all over it!!
I strapped on my shoes and knee braces, got my ipod situated, grabbed my sunglasses and was out the door. I pushed "play" and was on my way, ready to simply put one foot in front of the other. I guess I also "checked out" for a few. About 7 minutes later I realized I had taken a wrong turn from what I had originally planned for the day. I had taken a left, heading straight toward my normal 3 mile loop that I run twice a week! Once I realized that there were a few minutes there that I don't remember, I started to worry about the 7 mile thing...why would I have gone this way, how am I gunna get 7 miles out of this 3 mile loop?
It wasn't long until this blog came to mind...this post specifically. To be more specific...the title. I realized that more than a new trail, the interest of seeing new things and being somewhere different...what I really needed was familiarity. At this time in my life, everything is new. I'm experiencing things I never knew about, thought about or felt. I'm nervous. I'm emotional. I'm struggling to just keep things predictable. Some runs are incredibly fun because they are a new adventure and the scenery is fresh. On Saturday, I needed familiar. I needed the predictability of the ground, the sounds, the sights. I would know exactly how far I had gone, and how much farther I needed to go. I know each mile and can almost run it in my sleep! Nothing new. Nothing different to experience. I've had enough of that for the week.
As I ran along my familiar path, everything was as it had been the day before, the week before and how it was last year. Same trees, same houses, same people walking the roads. It was a relief really. The run of familiarity was perfect.
Of course, it reminded me of the wonderful love of the Lord. His heart that never changes. His love that doesn't give up and His promises that He always delivers on! Oh how I love the pedictablility of that. He can be counted on because He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow!
Oh and another thing...one other thing that can be counted on...my kids will not always be thrilled with this...matching Christmas jammies! But while they are...I'm all over it!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Resurrection
I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?
When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm down to the core
I can't fake it anymore.
chorus:
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering
chorus 2:
Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering
These are the lyrics to a song that I just haven't been able to get out of my head the past day or so. The song is called "Resurrection" by Nicol Sponberg. I had heard it many months ago...didn't ever really make a connection with it until a few days ago! As this song came to mind this week, I decided that I would do a study on Lazarus (since he was the one that I think is being paralleled to in this song). If you are one who can't seem to find relevance in the Bible or you have struggled to find how this book will change your life...you need to call me!! I am constantly amazed at how the stories from thousands of years ago are so incredibly true...still today. And I am excited at how God and the Holy Spirit makes these words that I have heard/read many times before suddenly jump off the page, as if it was the first time I had ever seen it! Sometimes all I can do is shake my head in amazement.
I will not give you my "Jill's watered down version" this time. You just need to go read it yourself. John 11.
As I have pondered why Jesus seemed unconcerned about Lazarus being ill and passing...about how Mary and Martha must have felt as they were begging and pleading for Jesus to come and heal their brother. Why Jesus waited so long. I began to think about my life, my extended family and perhaps many of you...have you ever pleaded with God for healing? I have. My family has. Have we felt like Mary and Martha...desperate? Yes, we have. In this case, the healing was needed physically. For some sort of health crisis that Lazarus was facing. For some of us, that too has been where we have prayed for healing. For God to come and intervene, restoring health to our loved one. But isn't it true that we all have needed healing of another sorts. Emotional? Spiritual? Relational?
I have seen in my life (past and present) how God does at times come immediately and change a situation. Things are resolved quickly and we were given the "desires of our hearts". The perplexing part of life...why at other times does He choose to wait? Why did He allow Lazarus to die? Why does He allow things of this earth to die? Even though we may have presented our concerns, our hurts, our needs, our need for God's healing...with faith, like Mary and Martha. But even still, He waited 4 days. Allowing the grief to be experienced and death to have occurred. Why?
The story really is encouraging. It does give me hope. The awesome thing about God "choosing" to allow death is that He also "chooses" to resurrect. He does have a plan that is far better than ours. Will it hurt? Yes. But just as Jesus said...your faith will be stronger and for those who believe, death is not the end. Jesus allowed Mary and Martha to experience some grief and sorrow, but He knew it was only temporary. For in a few days they would witness the last and maybe most significant miracle of Jesus' life on earth.
It is also worth mentioning, this was also when the Bible says "Jesus wept". He did so because He was witnessing the agonizing grief of the people He loved. He was still able to understand the pain they were experiencing. To feel the sense of loss. He too could relate. But it wasn't long until He would say "Lazarus, come forth". And out walked a man that had died 4 days previously. A man who had life again. New life.
I am encouraged that even in the times when we might be wondering why God has not/didn't bring healing...He is in the business of RESURRECTING! He makes new. He gives new life even though it may not be in the way we were originally wanting. He will make something beautiful out of all the suffering. I don't know about you...but yes, Here I am once again, I'm in need of resurrection!
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?
When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm down to the core
I can't fake it anymore.
chorus:
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering
chorus 2:
Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering
These are the lyrics to a song that I just haven't been able to get out of my head the past day or so. The song is called "Resurrection" by Nicol Sponberg. I had heard it many months ago...didn't ever really make a connection with it until a few days ago! As this song came to mind this week, I decided that I would do a study on Lazarus (since he was the one that I think is being paralleled to in this song). If you are one who can't seem to find relevance in the Bible or you have struggled to find how this book will change your life...you need to call me!! I am constantly amazed at how the stories from thousands of years ago are so incredibly true...still today. And I am excited at how God and the Holy Spirit makes these words that I have heard/read many times before suddenly jump off the page, as if it was the first time I had ever seen it! Sometimes all I can do is shake my head in amazement.
I will not give you my "Jill's watered down version" this time. You just need to go read it yourself. John 11.
As I have pondered why Jesus seemed unconcerned about Lazarus being ill and passing...about how Mary and Martha must have felt as they were begging and pleading for Jesus to come and heal their brother. Why Jesus waited so long. I began to think about my life, my extended family and perhaps many of you...have you ever pleaded with God for healing? I have. My family has. Have we felt like Mary and Martha...desperate? Yes, we have. In this case, the healing was needed physically. For some sort of health crisis that Lazarus was facing. For some of us, that too has been where we have prayed for healing. For God to come and intervene, restoring health to our loved one. But isn't it true that we all have needed healing of another sorts. Emotional? Spiritual? Relational?
I have seen in my life (past and present) how God does at times come immediately and change a situation. Things are resolved quickly and we were given the "desires of our hearts". The perplexing part of life...why at other times does He choose to wait? Why did He allow Lazarus to die? Why does He allow things of this earth to die? Even though we may have presented our concerns, our hurts, our needs, our need for God's healing...with faith, like Mary and Martha. But even still, He waited 4 days. Allowing the grief to be experienced and death to have occurred. Why?
The story really is encouraging. It does give me hope. The awesome thing about God "choosing" to allow death is that He also "chooses" to resurrect. He does have a plan that is far better than ours. Will it hurt? Yes. But just as Jesus said...your faith will be stronger and for those who believe, death is not the end. Jesus allowed Mary and Martha to experience some grief and sorrow, but He knew it was only temporary. For in a few days they would witness the last and maybe most significant miracle of Jesus' life on earth.
It is also worth mentioning, this was also when the Bible says "Jesus wept". He did so because He was witnessing the agonizing grief of the people He loved. He was still able to understand the pain they were experiencing. To feel the sense of loss. He too could relate. But it wasn't long until He would say "Lazarus, come forth". And out walked a man that had died 4 days previously. A man who had life again. New life.
I am encouraged that even in the times when we might be wondering why God has not/didn't bring healing...He is in the business of RESURRECTING! He makes new. He gives new life even though it may not be in the way we were originally wanting. He will make something beautiful out of all the suffering. I don't know about you...but yes, Here I am once again, I'm in need of resurrection!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
My leaves of Thanksgivings.
I am excited to write today.
Thankful that even through trials, there is joy and Thanksgiving.
Humbled that God would choose me this morning.
I got up to go running this morning, though at first not really thrilled about it.
It was 40 something outside and I haven't had much sleep lately (this time due to a baby that is not feeling well).
However I forced myself up because I had this unusual desire to see what was new this morning.
The run wasn't so interesting in and of itself...but as I was headed home, a tender moment was waiting for me.
As I have run the past many weeks, I have noticed the many interesting leaves on the ground. The many shapes and colors have been too numerous to count. I would run from leaf to leaf thinking "oh, that one is my favorite...oh wait, no THIS one is my favorite". On and on I would go, finding my favorite shapes and colors.
I had decided that I would gather a few of them on my way home this morning to use as name markers for my Thanksgiving table. Every person would have their name on a card (I know, so Martha Stewart-ish of me...but I just can't help myself!!) that would then be setting on the leaf that I had placed on their plates/napkins.
I wanted to make sure to have at least one for each person, so as I was heading home I picked out my "favorites"... one for Dan, found a good one for Dakota, another for Ramiro, one for Andre and a cute smaller one for Madelyn.
As I was searching among the leaves, some I found under a bush, another one came from around the tree across the lawn, some were in plain sight just sitting on the grass...I wanted to savor the moment of collecting my Thanksgivings. I have much to be thankful for and if I were to gather a leaf for every blessing I have had, I would need some help getting them all home. Some of my blessings come to mind immediately, they are out in plain sight. But others, I have to think a bit harder about. I must search my heart a little more, looking for the blessing that may be hiding behind the bushes in life. Never-the-less, they are there and I find joy in knowing that my life has "blessingS". Plural.
Once I was satisfied with my bundle of leaves, I continued on home. I wondered what people were thinking when they saw my arms full of dried leaves. I'm sure it never crossed their mind that these were representing my "Thanksgivings" and furthermore, that I would be somehow using them as decorations on a table with food.
I stopped suddenly when I noticed that in the center of the sidewalk there was this one leaf, laying there all alone, in the shape of a perfect heart. As I bent down to pick it up, the emotional flood gates flew wide open. For I had forgotten the most important thing of all...the blessing I have in knowing my Lord and Savior. And knowing Him in a way this year like never before. This year, I understand the "unfailing love" of the Lord differently. His love that keeps my heart beating, though bruised and tattered. His voice that gently speaks to my soul. His fullness that is all I need. His heart that has changed mine.
I placed the heart leaf on the top of my pile, wrapped my arms around the sweet moments I was holding, wiped my eyes and headed home.
As I walked into my house, the sounds of my "blessings" already in full roar...I was glad to have my arms filled to the brim. Full of my blessings that I will display this year, my leaves of Thanksgivings. Plural.
Thankful that even through trials, there is joy and Thanksgiving.
Humbled that God would choose me this morning.
I got up to go running this morning, though at first not really thrilled about it.
It was 40 something outside and I haven't had much sleep lately (this time due to a baby that is not feeling well).
However I forced myself up because I had this unusual desire to see what was new this morning.
The run wasn't so interesting in and of itself...but as I was headed home, a tender moment was waiting for me.
As I have run the past many weeks, I have noticed the many interesting leaves on the ground. The many shapes and colors have been too numerous to count. I would run from leaf to leaf thinking "oh, that one is my favorite...oh wait, no THIS one is my favorite". On and on I would go, finding my favorite shapes and colors.
I had decided that I would gather a few of them on my way home this morning to use as name markers for my Thanksgiving table. Every person would have their name on a card (I know, so Martha Stewart-ish of me...but I just can't help myself!!) that would then be setting on the leaf that I had placed on their plates/napkins.
I wanted to make sure to have at least one for each person, so as I was heading home I picked out my "favorites"... one for Dan, found a good one for Dakota, another for Ramiro, one for Andre and a cute smaller one for Madelyn.
As I was searching among the leaves, some I found under a bush, another one came from around the tree across the lawn, some were in plain sight just sitting on the grass...I wanted to savor the moment of collecting my Thanksgivings. I have much to be thankful for and if I were to gather a leaf for every blessing I have had, I would need some help getting them all home. Some of my blessings come to mind immediately, they are out in plain sight. But others, I have to think a bit harder about. I must search my heart a little more, looking for the blessing that may be hiding behind the bushes in life. Never-the-less, they are there and I find joy in knowing that my life has "blessingS". Plural.
Once I was satisfied with my bundle of leaves, I continued on home. I wondered what people were thinking when they saw my arms full of dried leaves. I'm sure it never crossed their mind that these were representing my "Thanksgivings" and furthermore, that I would be somehow using them as decorations on a table with food.
I stopped suddenly when I noticed that in the center of the sidewalk there was this one leaf, laying there all alone, in the shape of a perfect heart. As I bent down to pick it up, the emotional flood gates flew wide open. For I had forgotten the most important thing of all...the blessing I have in knowing my Lord and Savior. And knowing Him in a way this year like never before. This year, I understand the "unfailing love" of the Lord differently. His love that keeps my heart beating, though bruised and tattered. His voice that gently speaks to my soul. His fullness that is all I need. His heart that has changed mine.
I placed the heart leaf on the top of my pile, wrapped my arms around the sweet moments I was holding, wiped my eyes and headed home.
As I walked into my house, the sounds of my "blessings" already in full roar...I was glad to have my arms filled to the brim. Full of my blessings that I will display this year, my leaves of Thanksgivings. Plural.
Friday, November 14, 2008
He. Is. Persistent.
Do you know 1 Corinthians 15:51?
Here it is:
"Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed".
What mystery is in that??
Let me help Paul out.
Jill.
Lacking in sleep.
Change is guaranteed.
There. Mystery solved.
Somehow, I sense a slight "sense of humor" in Pauls comment there. And actually, I'm not finding it particularly funny. :)
Why is it that God wants to say something to me at 5am?? What about 5pm?? How about noon?? I've had coffee by that point, my humor is better, I'm not yawning. And certainly my ability to understand and process information is better than at 5 am!! What could be said/understood in 15 minutes is taking an hour!! For "Heaven sakes" (hee hee) I need some more rest!! Can these meetings be re adjourned?? At a more convenient time??
But, if I could say one thing right now about the "ways of the Lord" in my life, it would be "persistence"!
5am...every morning, persistence!!
Actually, I've seen this verse written on cards to new parents "We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed". Seems appropriate...maybe even a tad funny, in that case.
The past many days have been tiring...lots of emotions, sadness for friends, managing the fights between my boys...this referee is tired! Oh and I have 17 miles to run tomorrow!!
But God is persistent and He is bringing about change in me. I see it, I feel it and know its for the better. I just have an opinion on the time of day He is choosing. So much for my opinions, huh?? It wouldn't be the first, nor the last, I'm afraid!!
Today, this is my prayer "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 52:12.
Maybe God already knew I would need this...therefore He has chosen the wee hours of the morning to "restore joy"!
Even through the yawning...I am thankful that He is faithful...and, alright...if I must say it...persistent too!
As I went to go steal a cooking today...I found this in the cookie container, left by my oldest son. I had to capture the moment...saving it forever...the heart of a child, thinking beyond himself! Speaking of restoring joy....
Here it is:
"Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed".
What mystery is in that??
Let me help Paul out.
Jill.
Lacking in sleep.
Change is guaranteed.
There. Mystery solved.
Somehow, I sense a slight "sense of humor" in Pauls comment there. And actually, I'm not finding it particularly funny. :)
Why is it that God wants to say something to me at 5am?? What about 5pm?? How about noon?? I've had coffee by that point, my humor is better, I'm not yawning. And certainly my ability to understand and process information is better than at 5 am!! What could be said/understood in 15 minutes is taking an hour!! For "Heaven sakes" (hee hee) I need some more rest!! Can these meetings be re adjourned?? At a more convenient time??
But, if I could say one thing right now about the "ways of the Lord" in my life, it would be "persistence"!
5am...every morning, persistence!!
Actually, I've seen this verse written on cards to new parents "We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed". Seems appropriate...maybe even a tad funny, in that case.
The past many days have been tiring...lots of emotions, sadness for friends, managing the fights between my boys...this referee is tired! Oh and I have 17 miles to run tomorrow!!
But God is persistent and He is bringing about change in me. I see it, I feel it and know its for the better. I just have an opinion on the time of day He is choosing. So much for my opinions, huh?? It wouldn't be the first, nor the last, I'm afraid!!
Today, this is my prayer "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 52:12.
Maybe God already knew I would need this...therefore He has chosen the wee hours of the morning to "restore joy"!
Even through the yawning...I am thankful that He is faithful...and, alright...if I must say it...persistent too!
As I went to go steal a cooking today...I found this in the cookie container, left by my oldest son. I had to capture the moment...saving it forever...the heart of a child, thinking beyond himself! Speaking of restoring joy....
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Fiery Furnace
So here we are...the "morning after" as some call it.
History is made.
My heart raced all evening (last night) and still again this morning...I needed some reassurance and I knew God needed to speak to me.
I could feel it with every racing beat of my heart.
I didn't sleep well. I felt wide awake at 2am, 4am, 5:30am.
Finally around 10:30 this morning...I sat down to deal with this feeling. The best way I could explain it to you is this, I feel this: "mtopouotiyakestngyitr". And then after some time in silence, some reflection on God's word...it becomes clear..."I'm trying to speak to you" suddenly comes from the jumble. The letters are the same...the message just needs Gods divine power to make it clear and give peace! Hope I didn't loose you with that...hang on...I still want to tell you what God is teaching me this morning.
So, I sat down this morning...and this is what fell on my heart!
Daniel 3
It's the story of King Nebuchadnezzar (I will not torture myself with that spelling any further and just call him N for short!!). You may know it. If not...here's the scoop, very watered down.
King N had made an idol and commanded the people to bow down and worship when they heard the trumpets sound. Three men...Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused. For they knew that God had said "You shall not make for yourself an idol...You shall not bow down to them or worship them" (Exodus 20:4-5). Some spies told on them therefore King N ordered that they be thrown into a "fiery furnace". One point of interest here...this was no campfire. This was a fire that was ordered to be heated seven times hotter than the usual temperature. The stakes were higher than normal...this is capturing my attention on this specific day in history. Matter of fact...the men who threw them into the fire were killed from the intensity of the flame! Important...the stakes are high!! Don't we know that to be true this morning??
As King N came to look into the furnace...he saw four men...the 3 mentioned but a fourth whose "form was like the Son of God" (NKJV). King N clearly knew who this was. Immediately I felt something new...God is not hiding!! He is with us in the heat!! I opened a Bible commentary of mine (love it!!) and this is what it said... "The Lord either saves us out of troubles or He is with us in the troubles."!! I wanted to jump up and down and sing for joy!! The King N saw 4 men...God was there, with them IN the fire!! No He didn't save them from being in the fire, but He had a plan...a perfect plan!
The other thing I want to note here...when the men came out of the fire...there was not even a singed hair!! Nothing was burned...oh but here's another cool thing...nothing was burned but the ropes that were binding them in the furnace!! The heat was in fact used to "FREE" them!! Trials, my friends, have purpose. The heat we feel today...just watch, God will use for His purpose. We will not be burned...as long as we continue to trust in God, speak His name, and follow in obedience to what He is calling us to do.
So?? Want the rest of the story?? Though it wasn't immediate...King N did open his eyes. Actually, he says it best: "At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever" (Daniel 4: 34).
This is a Fiery Furnace in history...but fear not, the Lord will have His way.
Though the stakes are high and the fire is seven times hotter,
The Lord stands with us.
Only the ropes that bind us will burn, and there will be freedom for us who continue to live for HIM!
And when it is all said and done...the world, our leaders, and all who do not believe...Christ will make Himself known to them.
When that time comes, I pray that our leaders will fall on their faces and confess our Lord and Savior their MOST HIGH!!
Yes, history will be made.
Change is coming all right...you can bet on that.
I'm willing to bank it won't be the change "they" were thinking!!
History is made.
My heart raced all evening (last night) and still again this morning...I needed some reassurance and I knew God needed to speak to me.
I could feel it with every racing beat of my heart.
I didn't sleep well. I felt wide awake at 2am, 4am, 5:30am.
Finally around 10:30 this morning...I sat down to deal with this feeling. The best way I could explain it to you is this, I feel this: "mtopouotiyakestngyitr". And then after some time in silence, some reflection on God's word...it becomes clear..."I'm trying to speak to you" suddenly comes from the jumble. The letters are the same...the message just needs Gods divine power to make it clear and give peace! Hope I didn't loose you with that...hang on...I still want to tell you what God is teaching me this morning.
So, I sat down this morning...and this is what fell on my heart!
Daniel 3
It's the story of King Nebuchadnezzar (I will not torture myself with that spelling any further and just call him N for short!!). You may know it. If not...here's the scoop, very watered down.
King N had made an idol and commanded the people to bow down and worship when they heard the trumpets sound. Three men...Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused. For they knew that God had said "You shall not make for yourself an idol...You shall not bow down to them or worship them" (Exodus 20:4-5). Some spies told on them therefore King N ordered that they be thrown into a "fiery furnace". One point of interest here...this was no campfire. This was a fire that was ordered to be heated seven times hotter than the usual temperature. The stakes were higher than normal...this is capturing my attention on this specific day in history. Matter of fact...the men who threw them into the fire were killed from the intensity of the flame! Important...the stakes are high!! Don't we know that to be true this morning??
As King N came to look into the furnace...he saw four men...the 3 mentioned but a fourth whose "form was like the Son of God" (NKJV). King N clearly knew who this was. Immediately I felt something new...God is not hiding!! He is with us in the heat!! I opened a Bible commentary of mine (love it!!) and this is what it said... "The Lord either saves us out of troubles or He is with us in the troubles."!! I wanted to jump up and down and sing for joy!! The King N saw 4 men...God was there, with them IN the fire!! No He didn't save them from being in the fire, but He had a plan...a perfect plan!
The other thing I want to note here...when the men came out of the fire...there was not even a singed hair!! Nothing was burned...oh but here's another cool thing...nothing was burned but the ropes that were binding them in the furnace!! The heat was in fact used to "FREE" them!! Trials, my friends, have purpose. The heat we feel today...just watch, God will use for His purpose. We will not be burned...as long as we continue to trust in God, speak His name, and follow in obedience to what He is calling us to do.
So?? Want the rest of the story?? Though it wasn't immediate...King N did open his eyes. Actually, he says it best: "At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever" (Daniel 4: 34).
This is a Fiery Furnace in history...but fear not, the Lord will have His way.
Though the stakes are high and the fire is seven times hotter,
The Lord stands with us.
Only the ropes that bind us will burn, and there will be freedom for us who continue to live for HIM!
And when it is all said and done...the world, our leaders, and all who do not believe...Christ will make Himself known to them.
When that time comes, I pray that our leaders will fall on their faces and confess our Lord and Savior their MOST HIGH!!
Yes, history will be made.
Change is coming all right...you can bet on that.
I'm willing to bank it won't be the change "they" were thinking!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Road Work...consider it pure joy
Do you ever get this feeling in life??
When you realize you are going no where fast, that moment of "I'm gunna be here awhile"!! Construction is occurring...things are being torn down, reworked and rebuilt!! Oh how that "road work ahead" screams "PATIENCE IS REQUIRED" to me!!
And since PATIENCE is my middle name and all...I'm thrilled to death *ahem*!!
So, on my run this morning...by the way...were you wondering how my training is going?? Let me side track myself for a moment...its going fine! Some knee issues (my sister will look at, assess and give me a verdict on the severity this weekend) and a few hip pains...but nothing that has side lined me yet!! 1 1/2 weeks ago, I ran 12.7 miles...did great!! I have another long one (like 14 miles, I think) on Halloween weekend!! Short miles til then...all seems to moving along fairly smoothly, but slowly!! Thanks for asking!! :)
OK, now back to the regular scheduled program (which is much more important!!)...as I was saying...wait, what was I saying...oh, ok there it is...on my run this morning, I was having a mental flash of the "caution, road work ahead" sign...as it pertains to my life at the present!
After fussing with that patience thing for a few minutes...I remembered that the Bible says in James 1:2 "consider it pure joy..." (NIV) and then I looked up the King James Version... it says "count it all joy"!
Joy for me is fun times with the kids...when Dakota wants to snuggle (I know this is going to be NOT COOL very soon), when Ramiro sings "I will make you fishers of men, if you follow me" song, when Andre tells me how much he missed me when I was only gone to CVS for 10 minutes, and when Maddie pulls my chin over towards hers in the middle of the night for a kiss!! This is my idea of joy!! But construction...road work...?? Mostly I don't want to be "reworked"...I don't want my road to be torn down. Consider it JOY??
Our pastor had made this comment that I thought was perfect: God is more interested in the building of your faith than He is in being in a hurry to get you from point A to point B. Read it again. Point A. Point B. He's not in a hurry!! Unfortunate...but perfectly true!
These "trials of many kinds"...yes they will serve a purpose...they are part of the road that's under construction.
His plan, not mine. His timing, not mine. His praise, not mine.
Joy...yes, pure joy.
Count it ALL...pure joy!!
I know God is the master of "building roads"...therefore, I will wait patiently and consider it ALL joy!!
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