We are playing "hookie" from church this morning. I feel badly about it, we almost always go on Sunday mornings. I really should be there, and so should the kids. I need to be there actually, I need to get out of this house. But its cold outside, Andre has a green nose, my car doors are frozen and my hip is sore from attempting to open them yesterday (a little hip action does wonders for icy doors, sorta)! It seemed like a good reason to stay in today.
Plus, when I woke up this morning I could hardly move my jaw and my body felt like I had stayed in one position all night. I was stiff, sore and wondering if I really got any good sleep. I think my sleep was stressful and if I had my guess, it was because I was dreaming about my never ending pages of philosophy reading still waiting for me. Actually the 613 Mitzvot Commandments of the Modern Judaism faith has me bug-eyed! I was supposed to feel better when the prof says we shouldn't feel the need to memorize them all, just be very familiar with them! He must not have 4 little kids who want to practice their colors and drawing on the 25 pages of Mitzvot Commandments I had to print in order to get "very familiar" with all 613 of them!
Adding full time school into this life of full time mom, full time taxi driver, full time housekeeper and lately full time nurse for my sick kids... has been a big adjustment! My lack of sleep is starting to play a role in my ability to "be nice". I want to be nice, truly I do. But my niceness (I'm sure I saw that word in my books lately...and spelled just like that!) left when I realized that I would have to stay up till midnight every night in order to get this all done. And incidentally, the wooden spoon has made its way back into my life!
Just for examples sake, I just found Madelyn hiding in my bathroom as she unrolled the entire roll of scotch tape and has stuck it to the floor boards. Well, that is, what part of the tape she could get pulled out of her hair. And speaking of her hair, its stiff from the cereal that she spilled this morning all over herself and the kitchen floor. (She's beginning to remind me of Romona Quimby from my early reading days!) Once again, I want to be nice. I just can't find my nice Sunday voice when I discover another mess to clean! And somehow I fear that everything these days seems to equate to LESS SLEEP FOR ME!!
Anyways, I am actually taking a Christian counseling class this semester too. Actually, I'm taking 2 philosophy classes and 2 Christian counseling classes...the first set are for 8 weeks and then the second set for the other 8 weeks. The counseling classes are more "normal" for me and though they do require reading and watching lectures, Christian counseling ethics is not on the same brain hemisphere as the Mitzvot! Just saying.
Truthfully I'm not really sure what brain hemisphere I'm actually working off of lately. I had a not so intelligent moment come over me the other day that left me wondering about the space between my ears. I was carrying a 20 lb bag of potato's from the car to the kitchen and had the misfortune of the top part of the bag breaking. Some of the potato's fell out of the bag and rolled down the stairs and into the red dirt. My Dad happen to be standing there and being the really smart and intelligent thing that I am, I said "oh Dad, they fell into the dirt, do you think they're still good?". Dad gave me this odd facial expression and said "and so where did you think the others in the bag came from?". oh right. duh. But he ever so sweetly got under the porch, recovered the potato's for me and didn't say another word about it.
I came into the house, looked at those 2 pathetic roots and thought "Well, to heck with where potato's come from cause I'm busy getting very familiar with all 613 of the Mitzvot"!!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Jehovah Jireh- My provider
(the whole "stand still, look at the camera and give me nice smiles please dear children" didn't go as I had envisioned in my head...this was the best we could do at the moment! And my face seems red? Yes well, you see I was exercising my newish ability to PICK MY STINKIN BATTLES!! It adds a nice holiday color to my face. Nice, eh?!)I'm beginning to feel up to posting about our holidays. They really went well and though the anticipation was not as smooth for me personally (and my stomach was not thrilled)...when it came down to it, all was well!!
This is our first holiday season after the divorce. We had made the decision that we would spend the 24th-25th each year together, though many thought we were crazy. I pray that my children will one day recognize the gift they have been given to have parents who have managed this year with relatively minimal damage. No it hasn't all been easy. Things have happened and been said that were tough to walk through, but generally speaking I think we have done well. If I do say so myself!
The kids were excited to have us all together and I think they feel more at peace when the adults are able to set aside our differences and focus on enjoying the things that do bind us together...our 4 precious children! I see it in their faces and it warms my heart that their father and I can do this for them! I recognize that not every family can manage this, I pass no judgement on those who need to work things differently. But for us, though it was awkward at times, it was a blessing and I was extremely glad we did it!
There were even moments when I fought to keep the emotions down. I most definitely believe that God's provisions were at work. Divorce usually leaves both parties very angry and bitter. Though we all must work through these emotions, my holiday season was a testament to our Father...Jehovah Jireh (Yahwey Yireh)...the Lord that will provide our needs!
As we opened gifts together at my parents house (across the street), the kids each had gifts that they had bought (with their earned money), wrapped and labeled for me. It was precious! Here was Ramiro's and Andre's!
What mother doesn't want to remember that forever??
This is our first holiday season after the divorce. We had made the decision that we would spend the 24th-25th each year together, though many thought we were crazy. I pray that my children will one day recognize the gift they have been given to have parents who have managed this year with relatively minimal damage. No it hasn't all been easy. Things have happened and been said that were tough to walk through, but generally speaking I think we have done well. If I do say so myself!
The kids were excited to have us all together and I think they feel more at peace when the adults are able to set aside our differences and focus on enjoying the things that do bind us together...our 4 precious children! I see it in their faces and it warms my heart that their father and I can do this for them! I recognize that not every family can manage this, I pass no judgement on those who need to work things differently. But for us, though it was awkward at times, it was a blessing and I was extremely glad we did it!
There were even moments when I fought to keep the emotions down. I most definitely believe that God's provisions were at work. Divorce usually leaves both parties very angry and bitter. Though we all must work through these emotions, my holiday season was a testament to our Father...Jehovah Jireh (Yahwey Yireh)...the Lord that will provide our needs!
As we opened gifts together at my parents house (across the street), the kids each had gifts that they had bought (with their earned money), wrapped and labeled for me. It was precious! Here was Ramiro's and Andre's!
What mother doesn't want to remember that forever??
They had a little help from my parents...but you should have seen the 72 pieces of tape that Ramiro used to wrap my gift! I should have taken a picture of that too! Darn it!
After Christmas, the kids went back to Florida with their father. Though the parting was tough, everyone did fairly well. I ran and slept.
On December 31, 2009 I received word that I had fully been accepted into Liberty University and all my financial paperwork had been approved!! (I'm listed as a 6th year senior...some of us just need more time than others!!) I haven't mentioned this here on the blog yet...I wasn't sure what the outcome would be. Things were a bit touch and go there for awhile, I was starting to get the feeling that this wasn't "MY TIME". Just after Christmas I was informed that they would be sending my financial aid papers to the Department of Education and to expect the turn around to be around 2 weeks. Given the snow and business closings, there was concern that I wouldn't be able to start this semester.
Come to find out....Jehovah Jireh was at work again! What was expected to take 14 days, took 2!! And so it is, I am back in school. Back to what I love, and hate! So in a few days I will be buried deep into books and assignments...2 Christian counseling classes and 2 Philosophy classes! Sounds like fun eh?? The kids think its funny and Ramiro asks me everyday what grade this makes me...like 1st, 2nd or 3rd?
As the year came to a close, all I could get out of my heart was "God, I'm thankful that you are Jehovah Jireh, Lord of all I need". Though simple concept for some, it was a huge statement for me! I wasn't able to say that He was Lord of all I wanted. That isn't who God is...and that has been an incredibly difficult part of these past 2 years. But...He has provided something better, what I needed! He is Lord of all I need!! I'm finally able to see it HIS way and can feel the peace it brings. I'm thankful that He knows the difference, even though I still at times battle the distinction between the two!!
He knows what I don't and sees what I can't.
Jehovah Jireh...
you are the bright Star that changed the dark that Christmas night,
thank you for what you have provided in 2009!!
Friday, January 8, 2010
The "sensory child" without meds
This is how you would play Guitar Hero if you were not able to take your medication...
and you had an SI Dysfunction!!
My precious child, Ramiro...who besides having ADHD, also has a Sensory Integration Dysfunction, takes two separate medications everyday in order to manage himself and keep things on an even keel! SID is where your sensory receptors and processing is all out of wack! What should be painful isn't...and what isn't somehow causes great pain! Those with SID are unsure of new things because they don't have previous experience in which to go on. Our senses are incredibly important to our experiences and how we relate to the world around us! Cotton balls used to throw Ramiro into melt down mode! But thankfully, there are meds now that help these children navigate their surroundings and allow them more normal sensations!
Thank God for them!
He is not one of those "over diagnosed- unnecessarily medicated" children...he NEEDS them and he is able to function normally in most all activities when he is on them!
However, for this weekend...we are without his afternoon medication, the one that really helps his sensory issues. These meds must be prescribed every month, with a paper script, picked up in person from the dr office and then taken to the pharmacy in person. Right now the dr office is closed, all roads to get to the office are closed, the pharmacy is open for a few hours today but I can't get off the mountain here to take them the script, if I had one. We are just out of luck!
The schools are closed and this is where it all went wrong...they have his meds!! ugh...why didn't I go get them when there was talk about the schools closing!!??
Well, I guess its cause I'm a bone head from Florida who didn't think "snow, ice, schools closing"!
So, here we are now... it is not even 20 degrees (wind chill makes it feel something like 15) and Ramiro has NO SHIRT on because its itchy (and he would be with no pants too if I would have let him...gotta draw the line somewhere!!) and he can not simply stand in front of the tv to play Guitar Hero! Turning around backwards and upside down to watch something moving on the tv would make my stomach a knotted mess. But for him (particularly when off meds)...this is totally normal!!
He is currently outside (and btw, he doesn't think its cold...another interesting thing with sensory kids) playing in the snow...but it took him some time to "warm up" to the idea. Yesterday he stayed inside the first half of the day and watched from the window. He wasn't sure about white stuff falling from the sky. He was so cute as he watched Dakota and Andre play and said "maybe I won't really like the white stuff on me". He later gave in and found out that it was in fact pretty darn fun!!
This is gunna be a very long weekend for all of us and make no mistake about it...this won't happen again!! I might have to beat down the nurses door at the school...but we won't be going without his meds again!!
and you had an SI Dysfunction!!
My precious child, Ramiro...who besides having ADHD, also has a Sensory Integration Dysfunction, takes two separate medications everyday in order to manage himself and keep things on an even keel! SID is where your sensory receptors and processing is all out of wack! What should be painful isn't...and what isn't somehow causes great pain! Those with SID are unsure of new things because they don't have previous experience in which to go on. Our senses are incredibly important to our experiences and how we relate to the world around us! Cotton balls used to throw Ramiro into melt down mode! But thankfully, there are meds now that help these children navigate their surroundings and allow them more normal sensations!
Thank God for them!
He is not one of those "over diagnosed- unnecessarily medicated" children...he NEEDS them and he is able to function normally in most all activities when he is on them!
However, for this weekend...we are without his afternoon medication, the one that really helps his sensory issues. These meds must be prescribed every month, with a paper script, picked up in person from the dr office and then taken to the pharmacy in person. Right now the dr office is closed, all roads to get to the office are closed, the pharmacy is open for a few hours today but I can't get off the mountain here to take them the script, if I had one. We are just out of luck!
The schools are closed and this is where it all went wrong...they have his meds!! ugh...why didn't I go get them when there was talk about the schools closing!!??
Well, I guess its cause I'm a bone head from Florida who didn't think "snow, ice, schools closing"!
So, here we are now... it is not even 20 degrees (wind chill makes it feel something like 15) and Ramiro has NO SHIRT on because its itchy (and he would be with no pants too if I would have let him...gotta draw the line somewhere!!) and he can not simply stand in front of the tv to play Guitar Hero! Turning around backwards and upside down to watch something moving on the tv would make my stomach a knotted mess. But for him (particularly when off meds)...this is totally normal!!
He is currently outside (and btw, he doesn't think its cold...another interesting thing with sensory kids) playing in the snow...but it took him some time to "warm up" to the idea. Yesterday he stayed inside the first half of the day and watched from the window. He wasn't sure about white stuff falling from the sky. He was so cute as he watched Dakota and Andre play and said "maybe I won't really like the white stuff on me". He later gave in and found out that it was in fact pretty darn fun!!
This is gunna be a very long weekend for all of us and make no mistake about it...this won't happen again!! I might have to beat down the nurses door at the school...but we won't be going without his meds again!!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Lint in my serger
I am a "sew-er person"...as the kids call it. One who likes to sew things and enjoys sitting in front of a sewing machine or a serger. For those of you who have no inkling of an idea what a serger is...it is a fancier sewing machine that has 2 needles and 4 big spools of thread on the top. It is most commonly used to keep things from unraveling as you sew together 2 pieces of fabric. A sewing machine has only 1 needle, 1 top thread and then a smaller bobbin thread.
Lately I have been thinking about my serger. (No I'm not sewing anything right now... no emails for orders, please!*smiles*)
I've been thinking specifically about that darn lint...those dust balls that back themselves up in the motor and cause me all kinds of headaches. Literally and figuratively. A serger can look pretty clean on the surface... but the true test is when you open the flap to the motor and take inventory of the "behind the scenes". Whew, it can be downright ugly.
I have had many, many troubles with my darn serger, its threading and tension levels (and those who use a serger are all raising your hands on this one...) all because I hadn't taken the time to clean out the lint! I'd rather take out the trash than to clean the serger out! The nature of the beast is simple though...fabric gives off lint! That lint grows and will flat out stop all production of that serger! I've been amazed at how the smallest of lint balls can cause the biggest of hang ups!
Sewing machines are also sensitive to lint...they function better without the lint and fuzz all up in its stuff, but the thing about a serger is that there is more at stake. More threads, more needles. More area's for something to go wrong...and they do! The system is just more sensitive because more is going on! The threading on a serger is amazing and the complicated intertwining of the threads will simply not happen if lint has built up in the system.
So, maybe you see where I'm going with this, eh?
I'm becoming increasingly aware of how much our minds and emotions are like that serger! We've got a bunch of iron's in the fire, many responsibilities, many threads that are complicated in how they intertwine with each other. We are no different than the serger. We may look fairly polished and clean at first glance. But, don't you know we are professional bow adorners!! Most of us know all too well how to decorate up most anything! I know this by heart ya'll, I have taken the decorating classes myself and have quickly learned the art of the big red bow!! It makes the worst of things appear beautiful!! But its deceiving.
One little lint ball in the back corner of our mind...one area of pain that goes unattended...and we are fooling ourselves to think its not going to affect the finished product!
And there's this funny thing about lint and dust balls. They are magnetic!
Lint will attract more lint...they only become dust balls!
And so it is also true with our emotional health! Unresolved emotions, hurts, pains and disappointments will start out as lint...but make no mistake about it, all dust balls started out as LINT!! This stuff gets bigger. Bigger issues. More damage. The machine will quickly come to a screeching halt! And the more threads/commitments you have in your life...the halting comes sooner than later!! I promise.
I have come to a place in which I value the importance of emotional stability in my life! I recognize the need to clean out this mind and heart on a fairly consistent basis. I'm beginning to better know what my red flags are. The warning sign that remind me that I've over looked a piece of lint that is GROWING and must be cleared out!!
God wants nothing more than to see us in a place of health, physically and emotionally. He desires us to be well! He longs for us to come before Him with our minds and hearts. He believes in deep cleaning! He doesn't want us to learn how to tie pretty bows to cover our pains...He wants us to allow Him to remove the lint. He wants us to become students of our thoughts and emotions...so that we may recognize and address issues sooner than later!!
I have found Him to be the Wonderful Counselor! Yes I see a lady here to talk over some stuff that I don't understand yet. She's been helpful to show me the "root of the fruit". But I take it all to the Lord and ask Him to show me more and give me understanding and strength to work it through. And He does!
My dear friends...life is tough! If our minds and hearts are the needles and thread...life is the fabric. It can't help but to have lint to deal with! If we don't, it will surely hold us hostage. The enemy will see to it!
I truly believe we can have freedom from the things that keep us in chains. We don't have to be jealous, boastful, prideful, insecure, demanding, over bearing, or critical. We can be free from all that junk!!
Don't let the lint build up in your hearts.
Watch out for it because it settles when your not looking!
I am increaslingly aware that "we were meant for so much more" than LINTy lives!!
Lately I have been thinking about my serger. (No I'm not sewing anything right now... no emails for orders, please!*smiles*)
I've been thinking specifically about that darn lint...those dust balls that back themselves up in the motor and cause me all kinds of headaches. Literally and figuratively. A serger can look pretty clean on the surface... but the true test is when you open the flap to the motor and take inventory of the "behind the scenes". Whew, it can be downright ugly.
I have had many, many troubles with my darn serger, its threading and tension levels (and those who use a serger are all raising your hands on this one...) all because I hadn't taken the time to clean out the lint! I'd rather take out the trash than to clean the serger out! The nature of the beast is simple though...fabric gives off lint! That lint grows and will flat out stop all production of that serger! I've been amazed at how the smallest of lint balls can cause the biggest of hang ups!
Sewing machines are also sensitive to lint...they function better without the lint and fuzz all up in its stuff, but the thing about a serger is that there is more at stake. More threads, more needles. More area's for something to go wrong...and they do! The system is just more sensitive because more is going on! The threading on a serger is amazing and the complicated intertwining of the threads will simply not happen if lint has built up in the system.
So, maybe you see where I'm going with this, eh?
I'm becoming increasingly aware of how much our minds and emotions are like that serger! We've got a bunch of iron's in the fire, many responsibilities, many threads that are complicated in how they intertwine with each other. We are no different than the serger. We may look fairly polished and clean at first glance. But, don't you know we are professional bow adorners!! Most of us know all too well how to decorate up most anything! I know this by heart ya'll, I have taken the decorating classes myself and have quickly learned the art of the big red bow!! It makes the worst of things appear beautiful!! But its deceiving.
One little lint ball in the back corner of our mind...one area of pain that goes unattended...and we are fooling ourselves to think its not going to affect the finished product!
And there's this funny thing about lint and dust balls. They are magnetic!
Lint will attract more lint...they only become dust balls!
And so it is also true with our emotional health! Unresolved emotions, hurts, pains and disappointments will start out as lint...but make no mistake about it, all dust balls started out as LINT!! This stuff gets bigger. Bigger issues. More damage. The machine will quickly come to a screeching halt! And the more threads/commitments you have in your life...the halting comes sooner than later!! I promise.
I have come to a place in which I value the importance of emotional stability in my life! I recognize the need to clean out this mind and heart on a fairly consistent basis. I'm beginning to better know what my red flags are. The warning sign that remind me that I've over looked a piece of lint that is GROWING and must be cleared out!!
God wants nothing more than to see us in a place of health, physically and emotionally. He desires us to be well! He longs for us to come before Him with our minds and hearts. He believes in deep cleaning! He doesn't want us to learn how to tie pretty bows to cover our pains...He wants us to allow Him to remove the lint. He wants us to become students of our thoughts and emotions...so that we may recognize and address issues sooner than later!!
I have found Him to be the Wonderful Counselor! Yes I see a lady here to talk over some stuff that I don't understand yet. She's been helpful to show me the "root of the fruit". But I take it all to the Lord and ask Him to show me more and give me understanding and strength to work it through. And He does!
My dear friends...life is tough! If our minds and hearts are the needles and thread...life is the fabric. It can't help but to have lint to deal with! If we don't, it will surely hold us hostage. The enemy will see to it!
I truly believe we can have freedom from the things that keep us in chains. We don't have to be jealous, boastful, prideful, insecure, demanding, over bearing, or critical. We can be free from all that junk!!
Don't let the lint build up in your hearts.
Watch out for it because it settles when your not looking!
I am increaslingly aware that "we were meant for so much more" than LINTy lives!!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
HAPPY New Year!
Happy New Year!!I've waved goodbye to 2009...
and gladly welcomed 2010!
As I sit here this morning at my desk, looking out the window at the snow (ok well heavy flurries) and the mountains, the wind is blowing like crazy. The trees are swaying and the flurries are blowing sideways!
Its beautiful!
Its heavenly!
It's home!
Most years, on New Years, I have spent much time thinking back over the year...the events, the memories, the highlights and not-so highlights. Seems like the thing to do I guess, and as I have looked over the blogs I follow... most of them are full of the same!
This year, I can't hardly do it. I've started to go there in my mind many of times and it quickly becomes too much.
Too much pain.
Too much sadness.
Too many memories.
Too many blessings.
Too many "God Moments".
2009 has been one of the hardest years of my life. So much so that when I think about it, my heart feels blank.
2009 has also been a year full of moments that only God could have orchestrated. His hand has been seen in every detail of my life that at times it has sent me into full out belly laughs! I have gone from gut-wrenching tears one moment to joyful laughter the next...because God had once again made provisions! It has blown me away!
I have many pictures from Christmas that I want to post, things that God has shown me, and moments that I want to recount...I will get to it all soon. I'm still trying to process it all, one piece at a time...one moment at a time!
2009 ended with a kiss from the Lord that has sent me into overwhelming emotions...once again, His provisions in the details of my life! I want to share them, and I will... but first, I need to spend time at the feet of my Father in adoration for all He has done! And, I still need time to make sense of it all.
From January 1, 2009 to January 1, 2010... this road has been like nothing I ever could have imagined. The deepest pains to the highest joys!
The road ahead still needs healing, still needs time to mend...but it looks brighter than I ever thought. It is full of God's goodness and His richest blessings...I see it! I believe it now more than ever!!
I am thankful that I can honestly say
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
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