Tearful sowing

Sorry to those who like more kid pictures...I have none.
But for me who needs to process...maybe who needs to voice what is coming into focus, here is the place. I share myself here only because I need to, I feel led to, and I want to give my children insight into things that I might not remember to tell them one day. A place that they can someday see more deeply how the Lord has changed my life and theirs. How perfectly He has walked us through the deepest of waters, but yet by His hand, there was dry ground to travel on. My story is also theirs, so I tread carefully with few details of life...but I want to share the Lords lessons. How He uses The Word to change me, to direct and focus my eyes.

In Psalms 126:5-6 it says:
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

I can't say that these verses would have stood out to me had I not had my handy-dandy Bible commentary that I absolutely love (have I said that before?? everyone needs one!!). But after reading the commentary...it became crystal clear and I see myself in every word.

The picture is this:
The Jewish people who had been exiled from Israel were allowed back into their home land. They had few valuables and the land there was barren. No growth, no quick means in which to live off the land. So the first years would be challenging...it would take time to cultivate the land and a season of waiting as the harvest needed time to grow. (clearly no Walmart in sight!!)

The verse is painting the picture of the harvester. The farmer who is sowing his seeds. There is a choice in his situation...he can choose to eat all the grain now, or eat a small amount and sow the rest to insure an abundant harvest later. Can you see this man, maybe the woman even...out in the barren field, with only an "apron full" of grain to their name? Can you imagine the tears that must have run down their faces as they dropped each piece of grain through their fingertips into the ground, realizing this is food that will not be on the table today...their kids will still be hungry and their tummies might growl in hunger tonight? None of us want to take things away from our children, to see them suffer. The choice is tough...but clear. The farmer knows that the seeds will grow and the harvest will be needed for food later. There is a "death" of sorts in this, maybe some grieving involved...the painful sacrifice today for the sake of the future.

I can just picture in my mind the farmer out there alone, walking row by row...face wet from the tears but a heart obedient in faith as he prays "Lord, bless this sacrifice. I do so in faith that You will provide". I can feel the heavy heart of the farmer as the last piece is dropped. I can see the apron empty but heavily soaked from emotion.

This picture burns inside me, makes me wonder about my own apron.
No surprise here...my apron is soaked.

But there's a tough question to be asked: are we eating our seeds, or sowing them?

Which am I?
You?

My new challenge this year is for Bible memorizing. There is Power in this book, and I need it today and for tomorrow. I'm choosing to think of this as one way to "sow my seeds".

For me in general, its tearful sowing time, life is hard right now...but I hold on to the truth that tearful sowing will yield songs of joy!!

I'm preparing myself for the sheaves...the blessings that are too many to count. For I will sing songs of joy!

My verses for the month:
**Isaiah 58:11**
"I will guide you always. I will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land. I will strengthen your frame."

**Psalms 130:7
"O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."