Randomness

A few things:

• 1. yes, I recognized the many misspelled words on my last post! I forgot to do spell check. My spelling skills go along with my number skills. Dyslexia to blame, I'm sure of it! Misspelling has now been corrected! I really need the endorphins from running, the lack of them is making my brain more challenged than normal. no comments necessary. just let it be. thankyouverymuch.


• 2. I'm allergic to free weights!! Specifically when doing upper body work! This became painfully apparent when I started P90X a year ago! Within 5-10 minutes of muscle fatigue (when your shaking like crazy)....and with P90X that's immediately!, I begin to get sick at my stomach! And if I don't lay down I start to feel dizzy! yep...I'm allergic! Diagnosis: Lactic acid allergy!! Darn, I guess I'll need to give up working out with weights - like I've had to give up peanuts!! Stinks getting old.


• 3. Skyped with my sister/bro-in-law yesterday! fun stuff! They are doing well and holy cow small studio apartment batman! Actually in New Zealand its called a "flat". whichever. It's still small! And let me just say, Mark's the MAN!! The kitchen is um....well, for instance, the kitchen sink resembles a bathroom sink on a plane! I don't lie. Nevertheless, Mark is cranking out some awesomesauce meals and that's a miraculous event being that its with a toaster oven and 2 stove eye things on top! Ya, that's what I call magic!! Carrie's doing great as well, as great as getting a few hours of sleep a night and studying all day gets!! She's a tough chic for sure! It runs in the family. just saying.


• 4. This weekend is gunna be incredible. I just know it. I have some secrets. And I'd love to share them already. But then I'd have to kill you. And that would ruin my career in the "mental health" field. I'm really trying to be the mental health care PROVIDER, not the mental health care PATIENT! So, I'll just keep my secrets to myself for now....but I'll be free to share soon!! All I'll say is that I have one child (well technically 2) who's gunna be stoked!!


• 5. My foot/ankle is getting better by the day!! Which unfortunately I now have no excuse for the 6 piles of laundry that are in waiting! I have been on my Dad's elliptical now 3 times, and things are looking up! I will hold out till next week to start, ah hem....walking....but it's one step closer to running! So, I'm beginning to feel hopeful this will all be behind me soon!!


• 6. My Christmas trees are still up. I've made peace with it.


• 7. I think I've become a procrastinator. Who'd have thunk it? me? procrastinate till the last minute and then be stressed out of my mind with a deadline, and then promise myself that I'll not do this again...and yet I do?? I want something to blame, I can't find anything.


• 8. Andre told a girl yesterday that if she didn't stop bossing him around, he would pull her pants down!! Wha?? *sigh* The school frowns on these kinds of things. Unfortunately, this does happen at my house every now and again....boys are boys, and they find great joy in walking by their brother that's on their nerves and dropping his drawers 4 inches!! I'm just thankful he didn't actually do it!! Thank You LORD!! I think Andre and I have come to an understanding now that only Mommies and Daddy's are allowed to pull pants down.

I wanna be a referee! (cute pic alert!)

"God, can't you call me to be an accountant?"

As I stood starring at myself in the mirror, its all I wanted at that moment- to love numbers! I repeated it several times before I gave it up. Yes, I'm dyslexic for a reason. I wasn't called to work with numbers, figures or flow charts. Darn.

For some odd reason I have lately been overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the enormous amounts of pain in the world. The increasing number of lives that are wrecked by loss, depression, ptsd, addiction, abuse, tragedy, mental illness, etc.

This is a normal part of being a psych student I suppose. When you become engulfed in the darker side of humanity, your perspective shifts. Your frame of reference is different. And it's hard to know about such things, every day.

I think this all started because I have been trying to work through ideas for my internship. Should I go into a private practice environment? Sitting an a couch all day, helping those plagued with depression, death, spousal/child abuse, or suicide? Or should I consider the opportunity at St. Jude's Hospital with children who are fighting to beat the cancer that's invaded their bodies. Counseling the children, parents and siblings through this gutt-wrenching experience. Or would it be better to consider something "less traumatic" such as a rehab facility; a place where lives have been stripped and destroyed by addiction- a means in which to hide behind unbearable pain and heartache. Not so "less traumatic" after all.

Are you getting the picture? I mean what do you pick....horrible or awful?

The truth is that I do see and believe that there is incredible hope and healing for all the brokenness! If not, I wouldn't be able to manage the sadness. Even for the child who is dying, I believe that there is a wonderfully fulfilling ministry in grief/trauma counseling- allowing children the opportunity to process their emotions and communicate their fears as a means in which to make sense of their circumstances. The family is desperate for the same! Walking a child and family through a healthy grief process has its rewards, though it is incredibly difficult.

I know there is healing; if not physically, most definitely emotionally. But this is not something you do because it's fun or will buy you a fancy car- you do this work because your called to do it. Therefore, there is nothing else you could do with the same level of compassion and passion!

But recently I've become keenly aware that in order to walk these roads with those who are living in the worst days of their lives, a part of me is lost in their pain as well. A part of our innocence is gone when we dive deep into the darker side of humanity. We no longer have the privilege of being naive about the world around us!

I can remember working in trauma surgery- having just spent hours in the O.R. trying to save "Jane Doe" (unsuccessfully), going with the surgeon to speak with the family, and witnessing their shock and disbelief. In those moments everything seemed to come to a screeching halt. It's as if all of life had just stopped. Often times I would later find my way outside for some fresh air and it always struck me to see people laughing on cell phones and giggling over a new born baby. It was a weird dynamic for sure! But as I would leave work and enter back into "normal living"....I wouldn't be able to forget about that family in the waiting room. It was a struggle to just play with Dakota at the playground, I carried with me the burden of those who were just getting the news that every one of us fears. Of course, this is a big "no-no" because it causes what is called "professional burnout"!

As I was wasting time the other day, I came across this picture that got me thinking... maybe I want to be a ref instead!! I mean how sweet is this??

(whatsup with these lines? dunno? I've deleted them 20+ times....something crazy has invaded blogspot.com!)

Behind the lens of a runner.

When I run-

I am almost always aware of the beauty around me.

The Lord uses the scenery to whisper

into my heart.

Here are a few of the moments while out running

that I just didn't want to forget:

This one is my favorite....I live on farm lands and cows are everywhere.

I run here several times a week and I'm in awe every time!

This one was in Michigan,

and though the reason why I was in MI- I want to forget,

the beauty of this stream that was iced over was still incredible!

This one was from a stream coming down off the mountain around the corner from my house.

We had a huge storm several days previously that left us flooded

and rarely have I ever seen water in this stream until this day.

The sound of it was incredible!

These rolls of hay were from the field across the street from my house.

Call me weird, but there is something about hay that is just beautiful!



This one is an old graveyard down the road from my house.

I have looked at every grave and wondered about their stories.

There are more children buried there than I can hardly deal with.

But, I've always enjoyed 'graveyard running' cause if your

looking for quiet, your sure to find it there!!


Also down the road from my house,

who would have thought to put a porcelain tub here?
Because I live on very old farm lands, makes me wonder

if it was used as a laundry basin by the stream way back in the day.



Where I live.

Enough said.

Simply beautiful.




This was a trail I ran on before breaking my ankle/foot.

It was breathtaking, in every sense of the word.



Same trail, at the top of the mountain.

I belong here.

Home.




Another farm in the cove where I live.

It keeps me coming back for more!



Still another stream close by my house.


I'm getting anxious to get back outside and run-
the beauty of where I live can't be fully enjoyed while inside!!
And though I've come to understand recently that not everyone
loves the great outdoors, aka life on a farm-
I run/live here because this place brings healing to my soul!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

Did I mention I broke my foot?
I know, I already mentioned it.
I was just checking again.
Cause I'm frustrated!
Big time.
I'm OVER this no running stuff, already.
It is getting better, but geesh I feel like it is taking forever!

I was able to walk around my house yesterday and today with no cast.
It's progress, I know.
However its aching tonight, and it hurts.
Nevertheless-I want to be running.
I want to be moving,
arms and legs and lungs all in rhythm.
Together as one.

My brain is getting foggy.
I can't think without the drugs apparently.
The endorphins are directly connected to my intelligence.
I'm sure of it,
cause I'm doing some STUPID stuff lately!

I feel bad to even be frustrated,
I mean for pete sake's....
japan.
enough said.
I'm pathetic I guess
cause I'm noticing that things are changing.
And don't get me started on the new number that appears on my bathroom scale.

The thought that when I do start to run,
we're talking like 1, then 2....maybe 3 miles-
ugh, depressing.
For someone who runs long distances,
6 miles is a warm up.
I can't really imagine a 1 mile run.
I've barely just got my watch started and my ipod situated at that point.

Oh well, enough of this.
I feel the pathetic-ness getting too deep!
I'm headed back into the kitchen to
overdose on calcium, vitamin D and osteo enzymes.
Sorry, kidneys.

I'll get over this funk and be back soon with
something more uplifting.
pinky promise!

this part of me.

In one month from now, my oldest son- Dakota

will be turning 13.

So get ready, Kota's Momma is processing

which for you blog readers means-

lots of KotaMan talk!!

And let me start with this:

when I look at him in this picture from last week,

I almost can't contain the emotions.
My relationship with him is like nothing else I've ever known.

It almost makes me wanna be 12, turning 13 again!!

ice baths for ice packs.

I won't need these for awhile:

That would be my school books

and....hold your breath....

my RIGHT SHOE!

*pausing for a moment of silence*

The closing of my last school book is of great relief.

However, my lonely right shoe is causing great anxiety.

It's quite a predicament I tell ya...

I had great, wonderful, detailed plans of long runs during my spring break next week.

They've now changed to:

sitting on the couch

icing my elevated rt. foot

stretching sore hips/back from walking funny in a boot/cast

dreaming of a mile 15 run

cabin fever

But call me crazy

I'm still looking forward to this in my near future:
(ice baths, and the essential food groups- protein drinks, bananas and ShotBloks)

and till then, I've just replaced those other books for these:

It wasn't exactly what I had in mind for spring break,

but Brody is excited for the company on the couch.

And as you could imagine,

the 100 lb. Weimer and I both on the couch means:

I'm snuggling WITH him,

not the other way around!

*someone please send breath mints....for Brody!*

not.so.stinkin.funny.

Yesterday started like this:

and finished like this:

And its finals week.

And I need a vacation.

The end.