Rain and Rich Soil

I want so much to say some things about this ongoing internal battle that I am fighting...I'm not exactly sure what to say, how to put these feelings with words... but it stems from these babies and young children recently that are being taken from this world...leaving such wonderful parents lost and agonizing in their grief. Maybe its just my circle that I live in...but what is going on lately? Why is the Lord allowing such tragic events to occur?? The Chapman family, Todd and Angie Smith and now their nephew has passed of SIDS. I know it happens all across the world, everyday...I have managed to somehow be sheltered from most of it...but not recently! My heart has been in turmoil over the losses these families are facing!

I had recently made a commitment to stop praying for sunshine in my life and to start welcoming whatever would bring "rich soil"! Apparently rain enables our "soil" to be rich and therefore allows for an abundant of growth and fruit to spring forth from our lives! This is what I believe the Lord wants from me...however, in the past weeks I have been questioning whether I really could honestly pray for this. Look at the rain that is pouring down on these families?? I have been shaken by the thought that my rain could one day look like theirs...and I can't get that thought out of my head!

Oh Lord...I want my soil rich, just don't bring me "that" kind of rain!!

Is that really fair to ask of the Lord? No. Not for me. I must welcome what He brings...trusting that whatever it is...however the rain falls in my life, that He will provide what is needed to move through it.

But Lord...bring me rain, that's ok...but please don't take my children from me!!

Honestly, I'm not finding peace in this rain and rich soil thing right now...but when I stop and think about it...could it be my own faithlessness and fear that is causing this turmoil inside my heart. And maybe just my humanness...none of us want to think that our family would go through something like Steven Curtis Chapman has!

As I have talked this over with the Lord, begged for His presence in these families lives...asked Him to work in my own insecurity that has surfaced...He has reminded me of some things. First, God sent His son (Jesus) to this world knowing all along that He would die a painful, horrible death on the cross! He does know what these families are going through! He's been there! Secondly, our "rain" will only be what we can handle and nothing more! What I can handle WITH the Lord...not on my own! I must rest in that assurance while I struggle with this fear that every parent thinks about from time to time!

For today, I will continue to press on and pray for "rich soils" in my life, fully aware that this will bring some rain. I know that His promises are true and with some time, I will work through the discomfort this prayer is bringing and eventually find peace! Maybe there's still more to learn!