Following Christ from a distance.

Ok, so this post will not be about Barabbas.
It is about Peter instead.

I'll tell you why...yesterday after I posted about this all making me uncomfortable, the story of the Cross and its violence, how it makes me unsettled...I went to my Chronological Bible (very helpful in this case in which all 4 Gospels are listed together! Whew!) and read all 4 accounts of the story.

Let me tell you what jumped off the page...

(this is when Jesus is on trial before the Crucifixion. It's when Peter is asked if he is with this man (Jesus)...Peter denies (3 times actually!!) that he even knows of this guy (ahem...he was one of the disciples...!!) and just as Jesus had said...the rooster crowed!)

Matthew 26:69
"Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard."...btw...Jesus is inside the high priests house, being questioned.

Mark 14:54
"But Peter followed Him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest. And he (Peter) sat with the servants and warmed himself at the fire".

Luke 22:54-55
"...But Peter followed at a distance. Now when they had kindled a fire in the midst of the courtyard and sat down together (the servants), Peter sat among them..."

John 18:16
" Peter stood outside the door (of the high priests house)....the servants and officers who had made a fire of coals stood there, for it was cold, and they warmed themselves. And Peter stood with them and warmed himself."

As I thought about the line from the book that I listed yesterday..."There was something about the crucifixion that made every witness either step toward it or away from it.", I began to see myself in Peter. Oh not that someone has really ever asked me, "Are you with Him?"...but would my actions speak clearly of who I am with?

Isn't it true that actually what we may be doing is keeping one foot in both directions?
One facing the Cross...one away?
Haven't I just wanted to view the Easter Holiday from a distance?
Not wanting it to get too personal or uncomfortable?
Am I more concerned about keeping warm than defending my Savior?

Am I guilty of being Peter...I want to be a disciple on yesterdays terms, but now that Jesus is on trial and the circumstances are, well... tense and uncomfortable...I want to sit by the fire and stay where its warm?
How could I judge him when I could be rightfully accused of the same?
Didn't I just say yesterday that I have left it up to church events to help me celebrate Easter?
Enjoy some nice choir concert, a fun egg hunt to take the kids to, an excuse to buy a new dress?
Staying where its warmer.
At a distance.

Heaven forbid if I were to get a little chilly...or that I would have to witness the harsh beatings thrown at Jesus.

Would a rooster crow at me??
While seeing me at the grocery store?
After hearing the music I might be playing...and exposing my children to?
Are my words and thoughts comfortable to say if I was sitting next to Jesus in the trial...or would I have to walk outside by the fire, keeping warm to feel at ease with what I was saying?

And let me tell you...I would hate to have been Peter in this moment...Luke 22:61, Peter had just denied knowing Christ for the 3rd time, the rooster was crowing...meanwhile Jesus was being mocked and beaten inside the trial...He knew what Peter had just done and in Luke it says..."And the Lord turned and looked at Peter".
(My Bible says...Jesus' hearing in the "high priest's house" permitted Him a view of Peter standing in the courtyard).

Can you imagine how Peter's heart must have hit the floor when his eyes met Jesus' eyes.
Time froze.
Can you feel the intensity of what that stare must have been like?
Peter...Paralyzed, not able to breath, not able to look away, with all the world watching?
He just denied Christ...and He knew it!!
Talk about uncomfortable.
Awkward.
Suddenly cold.

It says that Peter went out and wept bitterly.
I went to bed last night, pulled the covers over my head and did the same.

Oh how thankful I am that the story didn't end there!
The Resurrection is still to come!
Forgiveness is still waiting...