Still beating.

As I rested my head on my pillow last night, not really ready to sleep, but tired from the week...my thoughts about this blog, what will I post next, what will I say, should I say, Dakota's birthday, etc. ran through my head.

I'm exhausted. I'm doing what I know to do to keep going. But I'm fragile and plain worn out.

The good news...though my heart is bruised, it's still beating!

I want to share things that have/are getting me through. But I can't. Not now. The sadness is too deep and the wounds are too fresh. Actually, I've been sitting here trying to write these few lines now for 15+ minutes, I just can't find words. I can't connect them with feelings right now. And it tells me that I need to continue to "ponder these things in my heart" like it says about Mary in the Bible. Words will come more easily later.

So, I decided last night to not do my usual birthday post for Dakota's birthday that is on Easter Sunday. In the past (here's Ramiro's and Andre's and Baby Jaydan's), I've written about my child (whichever one was having the birthday), about their birth, funny moments, sweet moments and things that I love about who they are and why I'm totally in love with them...as well as adding my favorite pictures of them (that's usually a ton of downloading!). They've (the posts) been very time consuming and typically a fairly emotional time for me as I tell you their "story" thus far and share some of the most precious things in my life. For now, its too big of a task. The emotions of it all might do me in. I will attempt again at a later time, for I do want to share with you why this child has such a special place in my heart/life!

I will take lots of pictures, so I will probably be in a mode of "more pictures, less talking" for a while.

For today and tomorrow, I will celebrate the birthday of my first born...as well as a risen Savior! I still am blessed and have much to be thankful for! Not a minute has passed the last several days in which I have forgotten my blessings! Actually, I've named them one by one! And the good news is, it took me awhile...and I'm sure I forgot a few!!