The Last

Weird...every year...this odd feeling comes over me on this very day...December 31st!
I haven't exactly figured out what it is all about...the weird feeling and all, but this year I think I'm getting closer to nailing it on the head.

For me, December 31st has always been about the "last". For instance, today I went on my last run for the year. I thought about my last run last year. I thought about the last 12 months and all that they have brought. I thought about what I did the year before last year...was it better than this past one? Last years resolutions. Last years uncertainties. Last years finances. Tonight, I kissed my kids goodnight for the last time this year. I wonder what baby will be the last one to enter the world in 2008!

I suppose I should be disturbed about my "last" rut that I find myself in. Clearly some of the "last"s are a relief! A deep sigh of relief! And then there are others that bring sadness. Will it be our last Christmas for Santa to be real for all the kids? I'm thinking Dakota is out smarting us soon! :(

Well today I vowed to let this be the "LAST" year that I do this to myself! The truth is...every last is only a last because there was a first! On the contrary to today...January 1, the first day of each year, usually brings about a sense of renewed hope in me! I love goals and I love planning, and yes this might be a little Type A, but I get excited about the new year and love to think about what could be new and different for the next 12 months! It's almost like the first day of school for me! A fresh start at something...a first! Last year I decided that I wanted to run a marathon and therefore I starting running again! I carefully mapped out a training program and studied different races that I could enter. This February I will run my first marathon since having 4 kids!

I must also say that even though I have experienced many lasts this year...I trust Gods plan for 2009 and the firsts that await me.

So tomorrow, as I go on my first run for 2009, as I see what baby was first to be born...I will also be thankful because I have a relationship with the Lord that is nothing like before. This year, on January 1st...I have something I didn't have last year. A first. I have a desire for the Lord and the Word that is new and a whisper that I recognize. A wonderful first.

Little Drummer Boy

Last night was Dakota's first band concert...5th grade. He has been anxiously awaiting the opportunity to play the drums since, well...since he was able to toddle around! He has idolized every drummer in our churches and wants to be at every practice so he might get a turn to play!! So, here it was...his big debut as a "drummer"!!

As Christmas time is for many of us...I was racing around, had too many parties to get presents for, snacks, drinks, wrapping, etc. The moment Dakota got in the car he says..."mom, you won't believe this but I have a lot of math homework and I have a science test tomorrow!!". What?? 3 days before Christmas break?? "I thought ya'll would be watching Polar Express by now"...like every other child of mine is!! Well, apparently not in the 5th grade!

I was frantic trying to get 4 kids fed, dressed, homework done, errands run and everyone back to school by 6:00...by myself! The kids were fighting, I was hot, and Dakota was nervous!

The long story short is this...I totally expected Ramiro to give me trouble...the noise, the cafeteria acoustics with chairs squeaking, people talking, etc. What I didn't plan on was my happy baby, Madelyn, to decide 5 minutes into the concert that she was going to scream herself crazy for an hour (btw...Dakota said the concert was no more than 30 minutes long...ahem)! I found myself in a horrible predicament...Madelyn is out of control, people are looking at me b/c she is louder than the band, Dakota is nervous and wants me there and I'm alone with still 2 other wild boys to contend with! So, I decided to step outside with Madelyn...she continued screaming and never recovered.

The bottom line is...I missed all but the first 5 minutes of the concert! Madelyn and I stood outside the cafeteria doors and cried...no actually, sobbed! She appears to be coming down with the stomach bug we've been fighting around this house, and me....well, I cried out of desperation! I didn't want to miss Dakota's big night, I had been looking forward to this for years...excited to give him his first standing ovation! And the little boys were needing some strong guidance while in the audience alone!! I felt embarrassed, panicked, and for a loss of what to do with 2 hands and 4 kids!! Thankfully a total stranger came out to me and asked what she could do...she came to my rescue and got my boys to sit with her! Brought my stroller to me and pulled a pound of Kleenex out of her purse for my mascara that was all over my face! I needed divine intervention...my angel had appeared in the form of a lady named Kim!!

I don't really remember getting home last night...but I do remember a sweet 10 year old boy who though was nervous was very excited to have survived his first concert, and a mother who was too!

Dakota, you were awesome! I could still hear you over the screaming and through the door! I could see the directors hands...you were right on kiddo! I'm proud of you...you have many more big nights like this ahead of you! I watched you manage your nerves and the pressure of performing with grace! You were calm and didn't let the music mixup before the concert affect your ability to concentrate. I too was once in your shoes...I understand the pressure and what it takes to hold yourself together in moments like that...You were perfect!! You are full of talent and I'm honored to be your mother and walk this road with you!! Thank you for giving me a thumbs up through the window...I knew you understood and please know that I'm soo proud of you...my little drummer boy!! I'm still looking forward to that standing ovation!!


Here's the first few minutes of the first song...you will need to pause the blog music...actually, that's optional...remember, this is their first time playing these instruments!

Helping the mother out!!

My sister is funny...her comments about the blog is this "less talking, more pictures"! She called the other day to say "more pictures"...she didn't have to say "less talking" b/c I have been so busy and really unable to blog much. Still don't really have time...but thought I would add some cute shots recently of the kids....ahem...and ME!! (please excuse my morning hair...ugh)

Man, I look at this picture and think I'm looking at the male version of me!!

But then I look at that face (Ramiro's) and know that at 5...that was me too!!

This was a few weeks ago. Ramiro and Andre had decided that since the Christmas tree was up...it must be time to go to Alabama, like we do every year for Christmas. So they decided to help their mother out and pack their own bags.

Andre packed: 3 shirts, 2 pants,"underwears" and he wasn't sure about having socks.

Ramiro packed: 2 shirts, jeans, jacket, no underwear or socks or shoes...after all, he already had a pair on! Oh yes, if you look closely...yes, he is bringing his basketball trophy, its sticking out of the zipper!! Since that's important for the holidays and all!! (again...please excuse the hair...Ramiro's hair. He's still resisitant to hair cuts!!)

I was cracking up and took a picture of them...packed and ready to go, with all the essentials that a 4 and 5 year old need for 1 1/2 weeks in Alabama!! Hey, did anyone pack a toothbrush?? 'Course not!! Only the essentials Mom!!

Everyone needs a tassel!!

If you need teacher gifts, friend gifts, etc. ...here are some options!! I have two more #1 teacher tassel and an adorable school bus one (I think for a bus driver...it says "making special deliveries every day"...its cute!!). If you are interested...I need to know soon! These are 3 others that are already sold, but it gives you the idea!! They are $10.

Also, if you need a gift and want some of the other original tassels...I still have some (like 20) and would be happy to let you know which ones I have!

Your turn Mom

Ok Ok...I've not posted since the game. No its not that I have a bad attitude, I've just been busy with other things. About the game... I will say is this: Alabama stopped the Gators game. They got Tebow shook up a bit and caused some confusion for the Gators. Alabama missed a big play or two and that made all the difference. Let it be said...I'm proud of my team! If you really watched what was happening (not just looking at the scoreboard...yes, I know at the end it's all that matters) during the game...Alabama really played the better ball game!! Roll Tide!!

Tonight...I thought that I would post about my discussion with the boys this evening over dinner (veggie lasagna, that no one but Ramiro would eat!). Recently, I've been trying to talk to them about the true meaning of Christmas. The idea that it is about giving to others and not just receiving. As a side note, they have been very busy pouring over the sale papers on a daily basis!! Marking their #1, #2 and #3 choices of their favorite things. They totally get that it is a celebration of the birth of Jesus, but they are very much into what "they" will be getting for Jesus' birthday!

I was explaining (not successfully) that we needed to remember that there are many little kids who will have no presents to wake up to on Christmas morning. I was trying to encourage them to think of some toys that they could live without and give as gifts to some other children who might not have a "happy holiday". Ramiro and Andre couldn't think of anything. Great. Dakota had an idea...maybe we should just take them to the mall to see Santa and then HE could then give them some gifts! Ugh! After I rolled my eyes and asked God for direction with the conversation that wasn't going well...also embarrassed that my kids seemed so heartless and unwilling to give up anything, I decided we needed to go around the table and list one thing that we would give up.

The results?
Ramiro...one of our toy dinosaurs and a matchbox car
Andre...maybe one of his stuffed animals, maybe not
Dakota...a book of his, one of his little hand held skateboard toy things (?), and a DVD

Ramiro looks to me and says "your turn Mom, what are you going to give up?"...of course he would ask. I was lost really. I hadn't thought of me. What would I have to give someone?? I somehow started to understand their hesitation at first. I felt as if I "needed" everything I have. Embarrassing. I finally came up with some pathetic answer like "Well, I have way too many cookbooks, some clothes that could be passed along and...well, maybe that's it". I felt ashamed that I was asking them to do what I hadn't already thought of doing myself.

But as I sit here tonight, wondering how to better communicate the true spirit of Chritmas...I am also reminded that I will be taking my kids to participate in our Walk Thru Bethlehem event at our church this weekend. We will be spending all Thursday evening, Friday, Saturday and Sunday evening at the church...in the town of Bethlehem so that hundreds of people from our community will be able to come and know the reason for this season! Christ. His birth. His death. His resurrection. His purpose...US!

I pray that my children will also learn from the event this weekend. That they may come to understand that Jesus is the most precious gift we could ever have or give! And I pray that they will begin to understand how this baby changed the world on Christmas night!!

So, do I feel better about the "dinner conversation"...not really. But some ideas are coming to mind, I think I have a few things more that I can live without...something better than a few cookbooks and pants that don't fit!! One thing specifically that comes to mind...maybe this will be just the thing my kids need to see me give up this Christmas! I'll keep you posted!

The big day!

20 miles...it happened. It went well and I am happy with it. I was better prepared this time and my stomach is thankful! My knees feel sore but amazingly good for the distance traveled, thanks to my sister sending me knee bands (Thanks a bunch Carrie!!). I felt great until mile 15...then the exhaustion started to visit, but I made it through! I'm tired and sore...legs are ready to find the horizontal position!!

Alabama vs. Gators...well, let the game begin! May the best team win (that will be my team...Roll Tide!!). I am making chili...barely standing but I'm making it anyways...I can't watch a game like this without it. So though it may hurt to do so...I'm cookin' that chili!!

Roll Tide Roll Baby!!

Resurrection

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?
When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm down to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

chorus:
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

chorus 2:
Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering


These are the lyrics to a song that I just haven't been able to get out of my head the past day or so. The song is called "Resurrection" by Nicol Sponberg. I had heard it many months ago...didn't ever really make a connection with it until a few days ago! As this song came to mind this week, I decided that I would do a study on Lazarus (since he was the one that I think is being paralleled to in this song). If you are one who can't seem to find relevance in the Bible or you have struggled to find how this book will change your life...you need to call me!! I am constantly amazed at how the stories from thousands of years ago are so incredibly true...still today. And I am excited at how God and the Holy Spirit makes these words that I have heard/read many times before suddenly jump off the page, as if it was the first time I had ever seen it! Sometimes all I can do is shake my head in amazement.

I will not give you my "Jill's watered down version" this time. You just need to go read it yourself. John 11.

As I have pondered why Jesus seemed unconcerned about Lazarus being ill and passing...about how Mary and Martha must have felt as they were begging and pleading for Jesus to come and heal their brother. Why Jesus waited so long. I began to think about my life, my extended family and perhaps many of you...have you ever pleaded with God for healing? I have. My family has. Have we felt like Mary and Martha...desperate? Yes, we have. In this case, the healing was needed physically. For some sort of health crisis that Lazarus was facing. For some of us, that too has been where we have prayed for healing. For God to come and intervene, restoring health to our loved one. But isn't it true that we all have needed healing of another sorts. Emotional? Spiritual? Relational?

I have seen in my life (past and present) how God does at times come immediately and change a situation. Things are resolved quickly and we were given the "desires of our hearts". The perplexing part of life...why at other times does He choose to wait? Why did He allow Lazarus to die? Why does He allow things of this earth to die? Even though we may have presented our concerns, our hurts, our needs, our need for God's healing...with faith, like Mary and Martha. But even still, He waited 4 days. Allowing the grief to be experienced and death to have occurred. Why?

The story really is encouraging. It does give me hope. The awesome thing about God "choosing" to allow death is that He also "chooses" to resurrect. He does have a plan that is far better than ours. Will it hurt? Yes. But just as Jesus said...your faith will be stronger and for those who believe, death is not the end. Jesus allowed Mary and Martha to experience some grief and sorrow, but He knew it was only temporary. For in a few days they would witness the last and maybe most significant miracle of Jesus' life on earth.

It is also worth mentioning, this was also when the Bible says "Jesus wept". He did so because He was witnessing the agonizing grief of the people He loved. He was still able to understand the pain they were experiencing. To feel the sense of loss. He too could relate. But it wasn't long until He would say "Lazarus, come forth". And out walked a man that had died 4 days previously. A man who had life again. New life.

I am encouraged that even in the times when we might be wondering why God has not/didn't bring healing...He is in the business of RESURRECTING! He makes new. He gives new life even though it may not be in the way we were originally wanting. He will make something beautiful out of all the suffering. I don't know about you...but yes, Here I am once again, I'm in need of resurrection!

My idea of some Christmas lights!!

**You must pause the music on the playlist/sidebar thing to hear this!!**

Wow...now that is some show, huh??

I've heard it said that children with ADHD/Sensory Integration Dysfunction have brains that function somewhat like a light show...rapid, sporadic and short bursts of information can be the norm, therefore causing the difficulties in processing. This video makes me nervous for Ramiro...Oh how I just hope this is not what he must overcome everyday!! Could you imagine? I would be crazy! And to think that this type of sensory input has in the past lulled him to sleep! Craziness.

Pics I've promised my family!

Dakota is thinking that Heaven might look something like this...a skate park! Though I felt that I should have taken advantage of the "teachable" moment...I let it go. It was spoken like a 10 year old, the innocence of a child who loves to play and skateboard.

Dan took the boys here last weekend...they had a blast.

Dakota was thrilled to practice some tricks...less thrilled with the end results from a few of them! But, here's one that was maybe successful.

Ramiro never ceases to amaze me...how the 5 year old keeps his body in balance like this is incredible. I suppose if you have very little fear of falling/pain...the potential of that freedom is huge! So...off he goes...full force, as fast as he can...and amazingly successful!

Dakota did awesome in that he was able to overcome the half-pipe! Its intimidating to start at the top, hard to keep balanced and keep up with the speed. He really has a gift for sports!!



And then there's Andre...not so much into the speed of skateboarding. Happy to ride his bike around, stopping to smell the flowers along the way. But, he loves to be out there with the boys and on the look out for a "hairplane" or "helocofter" in the sky!! Gotta love it!!

Here's Maddie...its tough to be the baby of a runner sometimes! Especially when its cold and mommy has a run to get in!

Don't let her pitiful eyes fool you...

...she doesn't last long...she gets some ZZZ's in along the way!!

My leaves of Thanksgivings.

I am excited to write today.
Thankful that even through trials, there is joy and Thanksgiving.
Humbled that God would choose me this morning.

I got up to go running this morning, though at first not really thrilled about it.
It was 40 something outside and I haven't had much sleep lately (this time due to a baby that is not feeling well).
However I forced myself up because I had this unusual desire to see what was new this morning.
The run wasn't so interesting in and of itself...but as I was headed home, a tender moment was waiting for me.

As I have run the past many weeks, I have noticed the many interesting leaves on the ground. The many shapes and colors have been too numerous to count. I would run from leaf to leaf thinking "oh, that one is my favorite...oh wait, no THIS one is my favorite". On and on I would go, finding my favorite shapes and colors.

I had decided that I would gather a few of them on my way home this morning to use as name markers for my Thanksgiving table. Every person would have their name on a card (I know, so Martha Stewart-ish of me...but I just can't help myself!!) that would then be setting on the leaf that I had placed on their plates/napkins.

I wanted to make sure to have at least one for each person, so as I was heading home I picked out my "favorites"... one for Dan, found a good one for Dakota, another for Ramiro, one for Andre and a cute smaller one for Madelyn.

As I was searching among the leaves, some I found under a bush, another one came from around the tree across the lawn, some were in plain sight just sitting on the grass...I wanted to savor the moment of collecting my Thanksgivings. I have much to be thankful for and if I were to gather a leaf for every blessing I have had, I would need some help getting them all home. Some of my blessings come to mind immediately, they are out in plain sight. But others, I have to think a bit harder about. I must search my heart a little more, looking for the blessing that may be hiding behind the bushes in life. Never-the-less, they are there and I find joy in knowing that my life has "blessingS". Plural.

Once I was satisfied with my bundle of leaves, I continued on home. I wondered what people were thinking when they saw my arms full of dried leaves. I'm sure it never crossed their mind that these were representing my "Thanksgivings" and furthermore, that I would be somehow using them as decorations on a table with food.

I stopped suddenly when I noticed that in the center of the sidewalk there was this one leaf, laying there all alone, in the shape of a perfect heart. As I bent down to pick it up, the emotional flood gates flew wide open. For I had forgotten the most important thing of all...the blessing I have in knowing my Lord and Savior. And knowing Him in a way this year like never before. This year, I understand the "unfailing love" of the Lord differently. His love that keeps my heart beating, though bruised and tattered. His voice that gently speaks to my soul. His fullness that is all I need. His heart that has changed mine.

I placed the heart leaf on the top of my pile, wrapped my arms around the sweet moments I was holding, wiped my eyes and headed home.

As I walked into my house, the sounds of my "blessings" already in full roar...I was glad to have my arms filled to the brim. Full of my blessings that I will display this year, my leaves of Thanksgivings. Plural.

Unbehaving

Andre today had something profound to say.
"Mom, you might need to bring the paddle that Papa made...I might end up unbehaving".

I tried with everything I had to take him seriously.
If you knew the story about my father making me a special "paddle" you would maybe appreciate it more, but how funny is that? It was almost like "unbehaving" just pops up from no where and suddenly takes over!! We must be prepared!!

Too funny...I didn't want to forget it...I wish I could have captured the look on his face too!
Priceless.

No doubt, they're related

Sometimes I just can't get over how the gene pool works. But interestingly
enough...Andre's hair is getting incredibly curly...humm...only on top however. He might truly be half me and half his father! And what do you do with hair like that...completely straight on the side and back...big and curly on top!!??
Well, we cut it all off yesterday. It looks nice...I'm missing the curls though...thankfully I'm confident that they will grow back!

The not so 17 miles

17 miles.
That was the goal. The plan.
I had my backpack all packed...2 containers filled with fluid, skittles, gummy bears, nuts, 2 granola bars, powerbar, B12 Hot Shot pill, trail mix, my favorite Burts Bee chapstick (never leave home without it), and last but not least, a tub of Vaseline (I'll explain later, but think "wet skin rubbing for 3 hours"). Oh yes, cell phone, ipod and pepper spray too! Not that I would have been able to get to the pepper spray before being someone's lunch...but you know, just in case!

I had eaten 2 hours earlier, while it was raining outside. Drank fluids, taken my enzymes like a good girl and a shot of coffee.

The first 9 miles were great. Zero pain. Plenty of energy. Good company (thanks Cathy for the 3 miles of distraction)! And was making good time.

It was short lived.

Mile 10...exhaustion hit.
It was HOT and muggy outside, I felt my skin burning and I was out of fluids. I was out on the part of the trail that has zero entertainment (except for a few heart attacks from snakes). No shade either. Just me, the heat, my pack of food that wasn't setting well on my stomach and no water! I had another 7 miles to go. So, I began to walk more. Trying to conserve myself. I had hardly eaten my food...my stomach wasn't happy over the trail mix and almonds that I had eaten early in the run, and I was starting to get goose bumps. I knew this was dehydration.

I was flat out of energy...although not in any pain what so ever (one small miracle)...just absolutely too hot and much too exhausted.

I had taken my B12 pill, it was starting to kick in around mile 13...I was able to run some more and I got to some shady parts of the trail. I called home just before mile 16..."meet me at the street-ice water-lots of it-3 minutes". Dakota was out there with 2 huge containers of ice water and a cute smile!! Oh it was the best water I've ever had. I had decided to walk the last 2 miles (miles 16 and 17)...but only made it through the first. I had to get home. My head felt odd (at least more so than usual, hee hee) and I was beginning to feel unsure of my legs...never a comforting sign.

I made it in the door, in the shower and to the couch. My stomach by this point was NOT OK and I was needing sleep. I rested for awhile, got something on my stomach and began recovering slowly.

By the evening, I felt much better and was trying to make sense of what happened. I think it was a combination of a few things. Since I am still of "child bearing years" (catch my drift?), haven't slept well lately, and wasn't prepared for the sun/heat...I think it was just a tall order for the day.

And note to self, next time...no almonds!!

So, 16 miles it was. 3 hours and 15 minutes.
I was disappointed at first.
Today however, I feel great.
Hardly sore, knees feel fine and I know that in 3 weeks...I'll be better prepared for the next "tall" order.... 20 miles!

Wish me luck...

He. Is. Persistent.

Do you know 1 Corinthians 15:51?
Here it is:
"Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed".

What mystery is in that??
Let me help Paul out.
Jill.
Lacking in sleep.
Change is guaranteed.
There. Mystery solved.

Somehow, I sense a slight "sense of humor" in Pauls comment there. And actually, I'm not finding it particularly funny. :)

Why is it that God wants to say something to me at 5am?? What about 5pm?? How about noon?? I've had coffee by that point, my humor is better, I'm not yawning. And certainly my ability to understand and process information is better than at 5 am!! What could be said/understood in 15 minutes is taking an hour!! For "Heaven sakes" (hee hee) I need some more rest!! Can these meetings be re adjourned?? At a more convenient time??

But, if I could say one thing right now about the "ways of the Lord" in my life, it would be "persistence"!

5am...every morning, persistence!!

Actually, I've seen this verse written on cards to new parents "We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed". Seems appropriate...maybe even a tad funny, in that case.

The past many days have been tiring...lots of emotions, sadness for friends, managing the fights between my boys...this referee is tired! Oh and I have 17 miles to run tomorrow!!

But God is persistent and He is bringing about change in me. I see it, I feel it and know its for the better. I just have an opinion on the time of day He is choosing. So much for my opinions, huh?? It wouldn't be the first, nor the last, I'm afraid!!

Today, this is my prayer "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 52:12.

Maybe God already knew I would need this...therefore He has chosen the wee hours of the morning to "restore joy"!

Even through the yawning...I am thankful that He is faithful...and, alright...if I must say it...persistent too!
As I went to go steal a cooking today...I found this in the cookie container, left by my oldest son. I had to capture the moment...saving it forever...the heart of a child, thinking beyond himself! Speaking of restoring joy....

Comfort for a mother **updated**

**update...at bottom of this post**

Today, just this afternoon, a 16 year old body was laid to rest.
But most importantly, last Thursday, November 6, 2008..."Megan" went to be with her Redeemer.

As I watched Linda today...still in a state of shock, burying her only child...I couldn't feel peaceful about the role of a "mother" today. This is just not something a mother should have to do...it seems so unfair at this hour. I must be honest and say that it rattles the "mother" in me a tad...ok...a lot.

The service was very nice, such thoughtful words spoken and sang. The music was peaceful and the Gospel was shared.

As I've come home...flipping from blogspot to blogspot, looking for something of comfort (I did stop by CVS for some Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches...they did help some...all 2 of them!!)...I am reminded that comfort, real "COMFORT", is not found here! I've done this before, and I've come up short every time. Real comfort...the lasting kind, the only true kind, is from the Lord.

So, that is where I will go.
To find hope for the future, strength for the weary, and healing for a hurting heart.
For I know this to be true...we can not give what we do not have!

As we continue to walk with Linda, helping to carry some of the load...I know that we can be a mirror, a reflection of Gods love for her!

*******************
I just had to add this later this evening.
So, I got thinking about "comforts" and just had to come back here for one last thing...I am a person who loves her comforts. And as I was cooking this evening...I realized just how many comforts we really do gravitate towards, maybe without even thinking about it. Yes, the Lord is really the only true comfort...but don't we all have a favorite pair of slippers that just helps us to relax??

I realized that I had gone into my room and covered myself from head to toe with these wonderful "feel good" things. First on the list, my lavender knitted/zipper/hoodie sweater thing...oh its soft and fits me perfectly. Then my velour, olive green pants that are a tad too long in order to keep my ankles warm! Next, my newest "comfort" addition...LLBean scuff slippers ( in chocolate color). Also, anyone love the Burts Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with pomegranate oil?? Gotta have it!! I use it all day long and its a must have! Burts Bees also has a wonderful hand balm that I crave!! This ensemble must be topped off with my wrap-around-the-neck-thing-a-ma-bob that is filled with something that smells wonderful when you heat it up in the microwave (some aromatherapy stress thing)...I think it really works!! Whew!! Talk about comfort, I'm set! Oh ya...maybe some decaf coffee with Gingerbread creamer!!

What are some of ya'lls comfort techniques??
I'm off to heat up my "thing-a-ma-bob" and snuggle with my other comforts...my kids!!

How fast life changes

Our church family has once again this week been given the opportunity to practice what we preach...loving people in the midst of great trials...and once again a death in our church family.

This sweet girl, Megan, passed away last night in a tragic car accident. Her mother, Linda, is an active member of our church (she teaches my children every Sunday) and is desperately needing our prayers this evening! This was a photo I took of Megan when we gave her our dog, Jasmine, almost 2 years ago! Jasmine was needing a home with fewer kids and Megan was needing some puppy love!! It was a perfect fit!

I had just hugged her neck (Meagan's) Friday night at our fall festival at church...and tonight I just can't grasp how fast life can change.

For my friends and family who live out of town...and read this blog...clearly you do not know this family...please be in prayer for this single woman, Linda. I simply can not imagine the depth of her loss and what she will face in the days ahead.

Lord, please teach us to love as you do...to serve as you would have us serve. As these next few days are sure to bring much pain and sadness for Linda and our church family, allow us to be a reflection of you.

The Fiery Furnace

So here we are...the "morning after" as some call it.
History is made.
My heart raced all evening (last night) and still again this morning...I needed some reassurance and I knew God needed to speak to me.
I could feel it with every racing beat of my heart.
I didn't sleep well. I felt wide awake at 2am, 4am, 5:30am.

Finally around 10:30 this morning...I sat down to deal with this feeling. The best way I could explain it to you is this, I feel this: "mtopouotiyakestngyitr". And then after some time in silence, some reflection on God's word...it becomes clear..."I'm trying to speak to you" suddenly comes from the jumble. The letters are the same...the message just needs Gods divine power to make it clear and give peace! Hope I didn't loose you with that...hang on...I still want to tell you what God is teaching me this morning.

So, I sat down this morning...and this is what fell on my heart!
Daniel 3
It's the story of King Nebuchadnezzar (I will not torture myself with that spelling any further and just call him N for short!!). You may know it. If not...here's the scoop, very watered down.

King N had made an idol and commanded the people to bow down and worship when they heard the trumpets sound. Three men...Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused. For they knew that God had said "You shall not make for yourself an idol...You shall not bow down to them or worship them" (Exodus 20:4-5). Some spies told on them therefore King N ordered that they be thrown into a "fiery furnace". One point of interest here...this was no campfire. This was a fire that was ordered to be heated seven times hotter than the usual temperature. The stakes were higher than normal...this is capturing my attention on this specific day in history. Matter of fact...the men who threw them into the fire were killed from the intensity of the flame! Important...the stakes are high!! Don't we know that to be true this morning??

As King N came to look into the furnace...he saw four men...the 3 mentioned but a fourth whose "form was like the Son of God" (NKJV). King N clearly knew who this was. Immediately I felt something new...God is not hiding!! He is with us in the heat!! I opened a Bible commentary of mine (love it!!) and this is what it said... "The Lord either saves us out of troubles or He is with us in the troubles."!! I wanted to jump up and down and sing for joy!! The King N saw 4 men...God was there, with them IN the fire!! No He didn't save them from being in the fire, but He had a plan...a perfect plan!

The other thing I want to note here...when the men came out of the fire...there was not even a singed hair!! Nothing was burned...oh but here's another cool thing...nothing was burned but the ropes that were binding them in the furnace!! The heat was in fact used to "FREE" them!! Trials, my friends, have purpose. The heat we feel today...just watch, God will use for His purpose. We will not be burned...as long as we continue to trust in God, speak His name, and follow in obedience to what He is calling us to do.

So?? Want the rest of the story?? Though it wasn't immediate...King N did open his eyes. Actually, he says it best: "At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever" (Daniel 4: 34).

This is a Fiery Furnace in history...but fear not, the Lord will have His way.
Though the stakes are high and the fire is seven times hotter,
The Lord stands with us.
Only the ropes that bind us will burn, and there will be freedom for us who continue to live for HIM!
And when it is all said and done...the world, our leaders, and all who do not believe...Christ will make Himself known to them.
When that time comes, I pray that our leaders will fall on their faces and confess our Lord and Savior their MOST HIGH!!

Yes, history will be made.
Change is coming all right...you can bet on that.
I'm willing to bank it won't be the change "they" were thinking!!

When there are no words

This past weekend a friend of mine (Lori) received some devastating news. Her sister had a tragic skydiving accident and was severely injured. She has now gone home to be with her Savior. And so today there is a husband and 2 young daughters (as well as parents, sisters and extended family) who are left to wrestle with this enormous loss.

As my heart has been burdened for Lori and her family...this video seemed to be the only thing that made sense. When there are no words...just love on them as Jesus does and stay by their side!

We often feel the need to come up with something profound...something that will make the hurt and pain better. We do so because we desperately want to help, we struggle with seeing loved ones in agonizing pain. But most of the time...there is nothing we can say to lessen the pain. That is Gods job, only His power can do so.

But we can do something very significant...we can be willing to walk along side of them, loving them through the emotions and grief!

I'll stop now...this video/song says it better than I can.............

(you will need to pause the blog site music in order to hear this video!)

May you pray for this family as they walk through these days. I know they would covet your prayers. My prayer is that they feel God's presence like nothing they have ever experienced before!

no title...just sweet Maddie pictures...again!!

I'm just loving this child...I wish I could find words for how much I am enjoying being a mother to a daughter. Please don't misunderstand...I love being a mother to my sons too...very much so! I find incredible joy in being chosen as their mother. And even though the little boys are very challenging at this particular time, I love it still! There is just something unusual...maybe different, with Madelyn. Not better...just different than I have experienced with the boys. I'm giddy about her bouncing curls as she prances around the house. I watch her sleep and fight the urge to climb into her crib...only for the purpose of getting to snuggle with her cheeks once more!

"Prince Charming" (aka Andre) thought we were looking so very nice in our outfits this morning...so he took our pictures!!

This was me, yesterday afternoon as I was heading out to begin the journey of 14 miles!! I'm getting somewhat tired of planning my route to bring me by the house for food/water, etc. So, I got this pack that has water bottles and a large pocket for food/phone and such. I think I ate my way through the first 10 miles (Andre watched as I packed my pack and wanted to know if he could come...only b/c he was eyeing my food!!). The last mile was interesting (downright painful...but my own fault...explain another time...lesson learned!) however, the first 13 were really pleasant and smooth! There were a few moments here and there when my knees were giving me their opinions of this training program...and another time when my hip flexors wanted to give a "shout out" to anyone who would listen! No one did. Though I'm tired and sore today...I still feel it was a success!! The sun burn?? Um well...not too smart on my part!! It's making me the most uncomfortable today!!

If you haven't checked this blog in awhile...I have pictures of Halloween posted on the previous posting!! (for my family that maybe is behind)

Some costume fun!!

Here's the crew...looking ever so stunning and ready for a fun night at our church's fall festival!!

Dakota was original...a "skateboarder" (without the skateboard...I refused to carry it for him!) Still, he looks handsome!!

Ramiro is a "knight"...he isn't sure what that is...but he thought it surely was something that would require a mean face!!

Andre is "prince charming"...and that he is!! Complete with his princes (Madelyn)...

...and that she was!!

I was completely impressed with her willingness to walk around in her full "princess" attire!! (Thanks Sylva!!) Madelyn knew she was cute...and had a wonderful time in her outfit!!




The princess and her Papi!!

This picture was when we first got her all dressed...she was all smiles!!

Boys/men...take note! We. Want. To. Feel. Like. Princess.!!!

It starts at 1 and for some of us...never ends!!

Here's Madelyn earlier in the day...sporting her Halloween spirit!! I'm getting better at hair...so I just had to show you!!

A few more postcard shots!

Here's more pictures...me, of course, being silly. The leaves were just too fun and beautiful to not play in them...few interesting looks from passer-bys...they must be boring people, I'm sure of it!!

Carrie lives in the North Shore area (is that capitalized?? not sure), but the lake is awesome!! Little chilly.

I know...someone should hire me...imagine what I could do with a "real" camera!! Hee Hee!!

Oh yes, and one of my favorites of Maddie! Lovin' it girl!!

back to life, back to reality

I'm home!

Made it back in one piece.

I love spending time with my sister, she's very funny. Sometimes its weird to realize how very much alike but yet different sisters can be!! And her boyfriend, Mark...thanks for teaching me the "art" of canning!!

Thanks for the yummy dinners too!!

(He's very talented with "kitchen things"!!)

Anyways, I had a great time just chillin'...or actually "chilling"...it was upper 30's and low 40's with a wind chill that made me wear 3-4 layers most the entire time!! I loved my time there, but was thrilled to be back in my normal sunny weather! Maybe my skin won't crack after all!!

I did get in one run...4+ miles...yes, wearing 3 layers, feeling like a Eskimo in tennis shoes!! We got some great pictures too...the leaves were incredible!

We had planned to run once more, but it was wet, even colder than the day before and just entirely too windy for my taste!! (even with all the layers on!!) We celebrated and ate "chocolate dreams" instead!! YAY!!

I'll download more pictures later...kids are destroying my office at the moment!! Back to reality!!

Packed, ready to go!!

**update**...ugh...
1:44pm-supposed to be pulling into the airport, I'm not. Delta called. Flight canceled. WHHAATTTT?? Rescheduled for 5pm. *sigh*
1:45pm-kids in bed, sitting on my couch looking at my luggage...bored stiff!! I said...I wanted to be at the AIRPORT with nothing to do, not here in my living room!!
1:47pm-thinking about the "patience is required" comment I made the other day...on the blog previous to this one. Hate it when I have to practice what I preach!!
1:49pm-should I repack my bags, reconsider those brown shoes? Underwear. check. Toothbrush. check. Socks. not sure on the brown ones...better go "check". Speaking of checks...used my last one...maybe I should go order more!!
1:54pm-brown socks. check. ordered checks. "check" on the checks!
bored again...

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Original post:
Signing off for several days...Chicago here I come!! No kids, no responsibilities...just my running shoes, a good book and some cold weather!! Yahoo!! 1pm...I'm outta here!!

I got my camera...If I do anything really exciting...I'll show ya'll when I get back!!

Oh, to just sit at the airport...with NOTHING to do!! I almost can't stand the excitement....

Road Work...consider it pure joy

Do you ever get this feeling in life??

When you realize you are going no where fast, that moment of "I'm gunna be here awhile"!! Construction is occurring...things are being torn down, reworked and rebuilt!! Oh how that "road work ahead" screams "PATIENCE IS REQUIRED" to me!!

And since PATIENCE is my middle name and all...I'm thrilled to death *ahem*!!

So, on my run this morning...by the way...were you wondering how my training is going?? Let me side track myself for a moment...its going fine! Some knee issues (my sister will look at, assess and give me a verdict on the severity this weekend) and a few hip pains...but nothing that has side lined me yet!! 1 1/2 weeks ago, I ran 12.7 miles...did great!! I have another long one (like 14 miles, I think) on Halloween weekend!! Short miles til then...all seems to moving along fairly smoothly, but slowly!! Thanks for asking!! :)

OK, now back to the regular scheduled program (which is much more important!!)...as I was saying...wait, what was I saying...oh, ok there it is...on my run this morning, I was having a mental flash of the "caution, road work ahead" sign...as it pertains to my life at the present!

After fussing with that patience thing for a few minutes...I remembered that the Bible says in James 1:2 "consider it pure joy..." (NIV) and then I looked up the King James Version... it says "count it all joy"!

Joy for me is fun times with the kids...when Dakota wants to snuggle (I know this is going to be NOT COOL very soon), when Ramiro sings "I will make you fishers of men, if you follow me" song, when Andre tells me how much he missed me when I was only gone to CVS for 10 minutes, and when Maddie pulls my chin over towards hers in the middle of the night for a kiss!! This is my idea of joy!! But construction...road work...?? Mostly I don't want to be "reworked"...I don't want my road to be torn down. Consider it JOY??

Our pastor had made this comment that I thought was perfect: God is more interested in the building of your faith than He is in being in a hurry to get you from point A to point B. Read it again. Point A. Point B. He's not in a hurry!! Unfortunate...but perfectly true!

These "trials of many kinds"...yes they will serve a purpose...they are part of the road that's under construction.

His plan, not mine. His timing, not mine. His praise, not mine.

Joy...yes, pure joy.

Count it ALL...pure joy!!

I know God is the master of "building roads"...therefore, I will wait patiently and consider it ALL joy!!

A few more

I just can't help myself...my house is being overtaken by TASSELS!! Like 70 something of these things are needing to find a new home...hopefully the craft fair proves to be helpful in that!!
So...since I am getting several emails about these precious things (pricing, colors, etc), let me add a few more, just to make it harder and more difficult to make a decision, right??
Here's for these:
October pumpkin $15


starfish $15

big ole' fat momma bird $15

my favorite horse $25

cute little girl $15

another adorable horse $25

double hanging acorns $8

Silly santa $13

pear $13

The craft fair is Saturday and Sunday 8am-6pm.

PS...I can custom make these for ya'll too if needed!

My email is: t_jill@bellsouth.net