Mirror, Mirror on the wall

This morning I quickly dropped off 3 of the kids to their various places and headed off with Madelyn to do some shopping. Not really fun shopping...just things like wipes, paper towels, milk, etc. I didn't have much time so I spent very few minutes in the bathroom getting ready, threw something on the baby and was gone. As I was later pumping gas (that takes a lot of time with a suburban...not to mention the heart attach when you put in $100 and the tank isn't full!!), I happen to look into my tinted windows at a reflection. Actually, at first I thought someone was behind me. Unfortunately I quickly realized that face was mine! I noticed that my hair needs cutting, my makeup was non-existent, some color on my lips would have helped that "half dead" look I was sporting...but, I couldn't get over the wrinkles and the way my skin looked saggy. Like under my eyes, around my mouth, etc. Ugh. I was shocked, scared. And you know it is bad if you can notice these things through the dirty tinted windows of the suburban!!

I smiled at myself (hopefully no one saw me :)) but I felt as if I was looking at a stranger. Someone vaguely familiar. You know the face that you can't put the name to?? Where do I know her from?? And, the smile didn't seem right. Uncomfortable.

Of course, I knew it was me...but as I stood there looking at the face, the one looking straight back at me...I just had this moment when all else stopped. Is this what I've become?? I look tired, worn, frazzled. Surviving. Defeated by 4 little kids who just want to show me something cool on tv, to listen one more time to their new song on the piano, to help them build an awesome fort.

I could see the unsettledness in my own face. I could sense the "pit" in my stomach. I saw someone going through the motions and worse, I realized this face didn't seem to be faking it so well anymore.

As I drove away, I wanted to leave the reflection of that tired, worn down, "fake" face that I just stared at. I wanted her to be gone. Wiped away from my memory.

Is this really me?? It can't be. Not that I know what "me" really is yet...but I certainly don't want THAT (what I just saw) to be it!!

Driving home, I became overwhelmed by this thought: What does my face say about the Gospel of Christ? Is this a reflection of Christ I just saw? Let me just say, conviction began its way through my heart! And I'm thankful for it.

I am reminded that Christ didn't die on the cross for us to walk around in despair. Hurt by circumstances. He didn't endure the beatings so we would feel beat down. His plan was not for Christians to go through the motions of life, just surviving. He did what He did for us to HAVE LIFE and to live it fully! To celebrate the God that lives within us! The Lord knew we would face trials, so even when times are tough, He gives us His strength!! When we are deflated...He inflates!!

This song comes to mind:

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I'm pressed down but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed

I'm blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure
And His joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

Yes Lord Yes!!

So...mirror, mirror on the wall...be far away from me!
I'm trading THAT face in today...I'm laying it down.
I will instead choose the JOY OF THE LORD!!
That's the real me that's screaming to get out.
For I know that I am His...and He is mine!
There is joy in the Lord...with the Lord!
I claim it as mine today!!