Nothing.

Whew its late...way to many of those in the past week...I'm beginning to feel old.
Ugh.
The realization is hitting...I'm not 20 something anymore. I'm now 30 something.
The difference...how I handle sleep. I just can't make it without enough sleep anymore.
For starters...my attitude stinks when I'm tired.
Secondly, I get really cranky...actually, that's kind of like the "for starters", but its worth repeating. Let me start over, I get really cranky and then my attitude stinks! There, that's more clear. ###???
Thirdly, I just can't get caught up now, once behind. Madelyn and sleep don't go well together. Actually, want the truth?? Madelyn and sleeping in her own bed don't go well together. I never really let the boys sleep with me...bad habits are hard to fix, you know?? But I was "20 something" then...it's all very different now of course...I'm now in my 30's! I do what I have to do in order to get some sleep. I suppose I figure that sometime later I will be more rested and will address the bad habit that I have now created. The monster.

My mother would tell you that nothing has really changed however. I've always been a little on the "sensitive" side when it comes to sleep.

Ok...so why am I talking about sleep...when I should be asleep instead of doing this blog. But, tonight I'm fighting sleep. Like Madelyn does. Kicking and screaming at the very thought of it. Why? I've got this "nothing" thing going on. Are you confused...good...so am I.

I'm thinking that it is this (but I'm not really sure to be exact)...I have not had good runs in awhile. Except last Sunday night...I ran 3 miles in 28 minutes...that's note worthy for this 10 minute miler!! But I've had very short runs lately, I guess is the deal. 3-4 miles has been the norm. Last night I was only able to run 2 miles! I was wondering if it was even worth dirtying up (gosh, is that even a word??) a sports bra over!! I'm either in a hurry, too tired, something hurts and I'm too tired, or I'm just "not in the mood"...probably b/c I'm too tired!! I'm beginning to see a chicken/egg issue here.

Anyways, things seem oddly quiet for me lately. I know...hard to believe huh? Me... quiet?? But it is the truth. No major revelations. No "light bulb" moments. Nothing. I ran yesterday in completely silence...granted, it was only 2 miles...but this is very unheard of for me. I run for many reasons...but one very significant reason is time with the Lord. I am 100% sure and convinced that the Lord is in great shape these days...He's training for this marathon too. I feel His presence on every run. I can hear Him speak to me so clearly that I find myself sometimes looking to see if someone is behind me.

At the risk of sounding a little "loopy" (no comments needed, thanks), I will share a consistent thought I have. First though, you have to know that I always start my run from the same spot. A bench along the paved trail I run on...its a great place to stretch, therefore I usually walk from my house to that bench and go from there. I usually reach that bench and think "thank you Lord for being here waiting for me, stretched and ready to run...I'm ready too, lets go". No, I've never really seen anyone there waiting for me...but His presence is very clear.

Lately, nothing.

All I hear is my breathing and my shoes. Oddly enough...it hasn't been raining either. Only dry (well muggy...but no rain) and hot. Maybe I'm missing the rain...surely not. But maybe. Or is it that I'm just not out there long enough to get my head clear so I can "hear" the Lord correctly. Don't know.

Not sure what to make of this situation. I know the Lord doesn't leave us, therefore I guess He's still at the bench waiting for me. Maybe He's still running with me too. But why the silence?

I wish I had a good ending for this blog...I don't.

But what I do have is the faith that this is all God's way of teaching me. Sometimes He speaks very clearly...and apparently at other times it's different.

Friday night? I'll be out there again.
We'll see what happens at the bench....