heal the wound...leave the scar

Yesterday was one of those days which I will play back in my head in slow motion...over and over again for awhile. What if it would have been like this? Would I have been able to keep it together or would I have slowly come unraveled??

Two weeks ago I had gone to see a dermatologist and have a spot on my chest looked at. I have never been to one, had never made the time to get an "all over body check". Sounds like fun huh?? It wasn't too bad actually. But one of my aunts has passed away from Melanoma...it was fast, ugly and devastating. Seems like we should have all gone right away, right? Well, I never did. Having babies...being busy living life. Excuses that could have had ugly repercussions!!

At this appointment the doctor was careful to look over every area...I have lots of freckles btw...this took some time. He was totally not impressed with the spot on my chest, the reason why I came in the first place. Actually, I felt like he hardly even looked at it. He said "oh, just a skin tag". Really? Its not clear. "oh, just a tan skin tag". Ok then.

Once he got to my stomach he stopped quickly and wanted to know how long this freckle had been there. Forever!! I never remember not having it. Yes it seems bigger, but I've had 5 pregnancies...things look different you know?? Yes it was dark...ahem, ok almost black. But you know, I run...with a sports bra on and usually not a top shirt. So, maybe it had gotten a little darker from the sun exposure this summer. Or maybe not.

At this appointment 2 weeks ago, they decided to "cut" the spot out. No shaving it. Just cutting. It had a root to it and so the shaving thing they usually do wasn't going to work. It's been healing fine, I will have a scar but I'm not sweating that at this point. However, when they took the lesion, I didn't get a warm and cozy feeling about their body language. I tried not to worry. They wanted to find out what it was, then in two weeks go back in and take the skin around it to make sure it was all clear.

2 weeks pass.

Yesterday, back at the doctor now for the results and to have the rest removed. They had prepared me that I might be looking at a good size section to be taken.
Come to find out, the freckle that I had never thought a second over...yes well it turned out to be "melanoma in the workings" as he finally put it. No, it is not melanoma now, but the pathology indicated that it was heading that way. Whew!! He showed me pictures of the stages that these spots go through...ugh...didn't make me feel good. Mine was one step before some big issues. Thankfully the pathology was also indicating that all the margins were clear!! Another words, I had nothing else done to it!! No more cutting. No sutures!!

Not sure whether I was to feel good about this or not, I asked him what his overall feeling was. Should I worry about this?? His response: "My dear, this might have never grown to be anything more than what it was. 20 years from now it might have looked exactly the same. However, at 32 years of age my fear is that if you hadn't come in now, next year some time you could have had an ugly Melanoma and not had a good prognosis...I think this was a blessing. Go enjoy your 4 kids".

gulp. deep breath.

Suddenly that skin tag felt like such a blessing!! Actually, I looked at it last night...I can't even really find it anymore!! Humm...

The take away??

First: go to the dermatologist. You don't need a spot to go be seen. I probably would have never gone over this freckle on my stomach. I thought I was looking for something raised above the skin. Sooooo not true!!

Second: the Lord is good!! For now, its a wound. Still healing, still a fresh reminder of what "could have been". And, I'm ok with the scar that it will leave. It will serve as a reminder that the Lord is ALL things. He is the Master Physician, the healer of big and small. He knows our needs before we know them ourselves. He is our Comfort and our Strength. He knows all our ways. He is our Creator and therefore He knows us very well. I am a thankful woman today!!

I have thought about this song from Point of Grace...Heal the wound. Here's the words, can't figure out how to download the music on this thing. But the words are the important part anyways.

Heal the Wound by Point of Grace

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then
I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar